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I was walking past a newsstand today and I saw the National Enquirer, and the headline said, 'Rosie O'Donnell Breaks the Final Barrier and Tells her Kids She's a Lеsвiаn.' And that headline fascinated me because I never knew Rosie O'Donnell's kids were blind and deaf.

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Two prostitutes were on the side of the highway with a sign on there car that read " two hookers looking for diск" . A passing police officer see's the two prostitutes standing by the car with sign . He pulls up to them get out and tells them he is going to right them both a ticket solicitation of prostitution. A few minutes later a car full of nuns drives by them on the highway with a sign on there car that says "Jesus Saves" , the prostitutes tell the cop to go arrest the nuns because they have a sign on there car. The cop replies , well their sign pertains to religion and not prostituion. He gives them the tickets and go's on his way. The next day the cop is driving down the highway and see's the same two hookers with a sign on there car. He pulls up thinking he has an easy arrest till he reads the sign on the car, " two fallen angels seeking Peter ".

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There's no relationship here, Travis. I tell you what I want: you go get it; I give you some money; then, you go away -- like a food hоокеr.

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The less she gave him рussy, the more he cheated.

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Goob is a fgot he lookslike a rabit goob is so weak he cant bend a wet noodle

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Big воовs + hop scotch = getting laid

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Trust me, I'm neither "micro," nor "soft."

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I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said ‘Are you going to help?' I said ‘No, six should be enough.'

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The Man ain't taking me down... but you can!

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Boy: Wanna hear a dirтy joke
Girl: Sure
Boy: My too do list : You
Girl: Finish your list then.

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A girl went to a doctors surgery with a Strawberry up her аss, The doctor said I’ve got some “Cream” For that.

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What's long ,hard,wet and full of sеамеn......
A submarine. God what did you think it was

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3 men go on a skiing holiday in the Alps and have to share the same bed, in the morning the following conversation takes place.
Man on left:
“I had a dream last night that I got a hand job.”
Man on right:
“No way, I also had a dream about that as well!”
Man in middle:
“That’s funny I had a dream I was skiing.”

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Little johnny came from school one night to hear noises coming from his perants bedroom and he walked in to see his dad on top of his mom and he asked them what they were doing they replied baking a cake little johnny said to his pearants were you baking cakes last night as well they said yess little johnny replied: because i licked the icing off the couch

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Boy:
'showering' baby sister walks in.
Sister: what's that?
Boy: my toy soldier.
Sister: ok.
Later that night the boys sister decides to go play with the toy soldier. the next morning the boy wakes up in hospital.
Boy: what happened why am I in hospital?
Sister: well I was playing with your toy soldier, then it spat in my face so I bit its head off.

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*If you watch Family Guy, you'll know this*
A young lady goes to the police station claiming she was rареd by a birthday clown. The police escorts her to the investigation room and questions her about the incident. After all the questions, they end with," Describe the overall incident." The lady looks terrified. She says," He made me....", she began crying.
After she let out her emotions, she crossed her legs. When she crossed them, a horn went off.

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I am too old to be sneaking into a вiтсh's house to have sеx with her son on a twin bed. Do you know how hard it is to have sеx on a twin bed? To try to keep your balance on a bed with some Star Wars sheets on it?

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The following conversation took place between a 7 year old and his dad.
Boy: You know that thing between your legs?
Dad: Yeah!
Boy: Why do girls eat it?
Dad: How do you know about that?
Boy: I saw mommy eating uncle Jeff’s

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