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English
Ärzte-Witze, Arztwitze, Arzt W...
Chistes de medicos, Chistes de...
Анекдоты про Врачей
Blagues sur la médecine et les...
Barzellette sui medici, Barzel...
Ανέκδοτα με γιατρούς, Ιατρικά ...
Доктор
Doktor Fıkraları
Анекдоти про Лікарів, Анекдоти...
Piadas de Médicos
Dowcipy i kawały: Lekarze
Skämt om doktorer, Läkarhumor,...
Dokter moppen, Medische grappe...
Vittigheder om lægen, Doktor j...
Doktorvitser
Lääkärivitsit
Orvos viccek, Orvosi viccek
Bancuri Doctori
Anekdoty a vtipy o doktorech a...
Anekdotai apie gydytojus, Medi...
Anekdotes par medicīnu un ārst...
Lekarski vicevi
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Doctor's jokes, Health Jokes, Medical joke
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Η δεύτερη γνώμη!
Психиатъра ми ми каза
Жена отива на лекар и той й казва:
Doctor: You're obese.
Un señor va al médico porque se encuentra muy mal. Tras una exploración
Mrs. Jones goes to the doctor for a full medical. After an hour or so
Vous avez un cancer du foie et c'est incurable. - Docteur
Depois de avaliar os exames de seu paciente o médico lhe dá uma notícia nada boa: — Lamento informar mas o senhor tem poucos meses de vida! — Não! não! Eu quero uma segunda opinião! — Então tá:...
Arzt: "Sie sind stark übergewichtig." Patient: "Uff. Da hätte ich gern eine zweite Meinung." Arzt: „Hässlich sind Sie auch.“
- Κύριε μου
El médico le dice a su paciente: Señor
Er komt een man bij de dokter. Hij voelt zich zo rottig. De dokter onderzoekt hem en komt tot de conclusie dat de man geen drie weken meer heeft te leven. De man is eerst nogal beduusd
A patient has a sore throat and goes to a doctor to get treatment for it. Doctor: Your tonsils have to come out. Patient: I wanna second opinion. Doctor: Okay
Un tip se duce la doctor să afle ce e în neregulă cu el. - Problema dumneavoastră este că sunteţi gras
My doctor called me fat. I told him I wanted a second opinion and he said
I went to see my doctor
A man goes to a psychiatrist. The doctor says:
''You're crazy.''
The man says,
''I want a second opinion!''
''O.K., you're ugly, too!''
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A handsome young lad went into the hospital for some minor surgery, and the day after the procedure a friend stopped by to see how the guy was doing.
His friend was amazed at the number of nurses who entered the room in short intervals with refreshments, offers to fluff his pillows, make the bed, give back rubs, etc.
"Why all the attention?" the friend asked, "You look fine to me."
"I know!" grinned the patient.
"But the nurses kind of formed a little fаn club when they all heard that my circumcision required twenty-seven stitches."
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Patient goes to Doctor, doctor starts looking at him...
- Good, good, good...
- Doctor, what's good?
- Good that I don't have what you have...
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A guy gets out of the V.D.
Hospital and decides to a hire a hоокеr, since he's been without for so long.
Before long, he brings one home, and they have sеx four times.
After it's over, he turns to her and tells her he hasn't had sеx in four months because of being in the V.D. Hospital.
"How's the food there?" asks the hоокеr.
"Because I'm going in there tomorrow!"
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Doctor to the patient: "Did I not give you the medicine yesterday? Did you take it?"
Patient: "Yes, sir. But I did not drink it."
Doctor: "Why?"
Patient (Pointing to the bottle): "Because it is written on the label: 'Close the cork tightly and keep it in a cool place.'"
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Q: How do you know your doctor is a vampire?
A: He draws your blood from your neck with a straw!
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A husband asks his very ill wife at the hospital:
Tell me what is your last wish?
Nothing more, I just want to check my status on Facebook.
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Male & Female Brains
Η μεταμόσχευση εγκεφάλου
Ein Mensch möchte sich ein neues Gehirn einsetzen lassen.
Un patient gravement malade est à l'hôpital. La famille est réunie dans la salle d'attente. Un médecin entre et dit : - Désolé
Det var en gång en svensk
Då det var dags att byta hjärnor sade svensken: - Jag vill ha en norsk hjärna. Punkt slut. - Varför detta? - För den är oanvänd.
Depois de passar por vários exames
Det var en gång en svensk som skulle byta hjärna. Då sa doktorn: - Vad vill du ha för hjärna? - Gärna en norsk hjärna. - Varför i all sin dar vill du ha en norsk hjärna? - För den är oanvänd.
A client of a hospital where they made brain transplantations asked about the prices.
The doctor said, "Well, this Ph.D. brain costs $10,000. This brain belonged to a NASA top scientist and costs $15,000. Here we have a policeman's brain as well. It costs $50,000."
The client asked, "What? How's that possible?"
The doctor replied, "You see, it's totally unused."
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A doctor is talking to a car mechanic, "Your fee is several times more per hour then we get paid for medical care."
"Yeah, but you see, doc, you have always the same model, it hasn't changed since Adam; but we have to keep up to date with new models coming every month."
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Како жената се спасила од ќотекот на пијаниот сопруг?
Frau geschlagen
Влиза жена при доктора
Kommt eine Frau mit geschwollenem Gesicht zum Arzt und sagt:
A woman goes to the Doctor
A woman goes to the doctor all black and blue. Doctor: "What happened?" Woman: "Doctor
a woman goes to the doctor with a black eye
Een bont en blauw geslagen vrouw komt bij de dokter. De dokter vraagt onmiddellijk wat er gebeurt is. De vrouw zegt “Elke keer als mijn man dronken thuis komt
Yüzü gözü mosmor bir kadın doktora gider. Doktor: - Hanımefendi ne oldu size? Kadın: - Doktor bey
Une femme entre chez son médecin
A woman who was beaten black and blue, went to the doctor.
Doctor:
"What happened?"
Woman:
"Doctor, I don’t know what to do. Every time my husband comes home drunк, he beats me to a pulp."
Doctor:
"I have a real good medicine for that. Whenever your husband comes home inebriated, just take a glass of chamomile tea and start gargling with it. Just gargle and gargle."
Two weeks later she returns to the doctor,and looks reborn and fresh again.
Woman:
"Doc, That was a brilliant idea! Every time my husband came home drunк, I gargled with chamomile tea and gargled and nothing happened."
Doctor:
"You see how keeping your mouth shut helps!"
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What kind of doctor fixes broken websites?
A URLologist.
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A woman comes up to me and says, "Hey sеxy you lost 185 lbs and now you have money."
"You wanna be my sugar daddy?"
"Nope I'm diabetic!"
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A man walked into the doctor's office and said:
"Doc, I've eaten something that disagrees with me."
A voice from his stomach replies:
"No you haven't."
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Two shepherds lean on their crooks at the end of a long day and the first asks the second, "So, how's it going?"
The second one sighed and shook his head, "Not good, I can't pay my bills, my health isn't good, my kids don't respect me, and my wife is leaving me."
The first replied, "Well, don't lose any sheep over it."
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Dentist (to the patient:
"For God’s sake, stop making those noises and waving your arms. I haven’t even touched your tooth yet."
Patient:
"Yes, I know. But u’re standing on my foot."
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What's funnier than cancer?
Most things, really.
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Psychiatrist:
"What’s your problem?"
Patient:
"I think I’m a chicken."
Psychiatrist:
"How long has this been going on?"
Patient:
"Ever since I was an egg!"
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Phone a friend and tell them you're a doctor, and you're very, very sorry, but you did everything you could to save their... then pretend that the connection dropped out.
Wait a couple beats, then give your deepest condolences.
Then hang up.
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