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Вицове за Наркомани
English
Drogen Witze, Drogenwitze, Dro...
Chistes de drogas
Анекдоты про наркоманов
Blagues de drogués
Barzellette sui drogati
Αστεία για Ναρκομανείς
Вицови за наркомани
Uyuşturucu Bağımlıları Fıkrala...
Анекдоти про Наркоманів
Piadas de Viciados
Dowcipy i kawały: Narkotyki
Skämt om droger och missbrukar...
Grappen over drugs en verslaaf...
Vittigheder om stoffer og nark...
Vitser om Narkomane
Huumevitsit, Narkkarit
Drogos Viccek
Glume despre Drogati
Vtipy o Narkomanech
Anekdotai apie narkomanus
Anekdotes par narkomaniem
Vicevi o Ovisnicima
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Дружење
Разговор
— Чула
- Защо се разделихте със съпруга си? - А ти би ли издържала да живееш с човек
Mama pyta Jasia: - Jasiu dlaczego nie bawisz się już z Kaziem? - Mamo
C’est un type qui dit à un de ces copains : - Je vais divorcer. - Ah bon
2 girls meet:
"Me & my husband are no longer together..."
"Why?"
"Well, could you live with a person who smokes wееd, drinks, has no job and always cusses?"
"No, of course I couldn't!"
"Well he couldn't either!"
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New generic drug replacement for Viаgrа – it's called Mycoxaflopin.
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How to give a cat a pill.
1. Pick up the cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby.
Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand.
As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth.
Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa.
Cradle cat in left Arm and repeat process.
3. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand.
Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger.
Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.
4. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws, ignore growls emitted by cat.
Get spouse to hold cat's head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth.
Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.
5. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains.
Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.
6. Wrap cat in a large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with cat's head just visible from below armpit.
Put pill in end of a drinking straw, force cat's mouth open with pencil and вlоw down straw.
7. Check label to make sure pill is not harmful to humans, drink a вееr to take away the taste.
Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from the carpet with soap and water.
8. Tie the little angel's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of the dining table.
Find heavy pruning gloves from shed.
Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak.
Be rough about it.
Hold head vertical and pour 2 pints of water down cat's throat to wash down pill.
9. Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the A&E, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill from your eye.
Call furniture shop on way home to order a new table.
10. Arrange for RSPCA to collect the mutant cat from hеll and ring local pet shop to see whether they have any hamsters.
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Yo mama so dumb, she thought seaweed was something that fish smoked.
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I said "no" to drugs, but they just wouldn't listen.
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Sleep is my drug….my bed is my dealer and my alarm clock is the police.
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Cigarettes aren't good for you, neither are women but I ain't about to go gаy.
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Marijuana is the gateway drug to taking 45 minutes to pick out which color Gatorade you want to buy.
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If there was someone selling drugs in this place, wееd know.
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If my puns are cheesy, then they would go well with crackers.
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Man: I know how to please a woman.
Woman: Then please leave me alone.
Man: I want to give myself to you.
Woman: Sorry, I don’t accept cheap gifts.
Man: Your hair color is fabulous.
Woman: Thank you. It’s on aisle three at the corner drug store.
Man: You look like a dream.
Woman: Go back to sleep.
Man: I can tell that you want me.
Woman: Yes, I want you to leave.
Man: Hey, baby, what’s your sign?
Woman: Do not enter. -OR- Stop.
Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.
Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.
Man: What’s it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar?
Woman: I hate you.
Man: Haven’t I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yeah, that’s why I don’t go there anymore.
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I had a friend named Mari. Sadly she did drugs. So one day I go up to her and say “Mari-juana do this???” She later asked me to leave forever… I don’t gnome why but… it CRACKed me up abit!!!
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What do kids and drugs have in common ,
I sell both of the
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your daddy must be a drug dealer because your dope
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Gf- You are a drug.
Bf- Why cause you are addicted to me?
Gf- No, because you are number one most wanted in Montana.
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You: Say “addicted” after everything I say.
Person: Uh okay.
You: When you’re obsessed with candy you are…?
Person: Addicted.
You: When you’re obsessed with drugs you are…?
Person: Addicted.
You: What hit you in the face last night?
Person: Addicted… laughs
(It’s supposed to sound like “A diск did”)
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Q: Why is the roach clip called a roach clip?
A: Because рот holder was taken
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Q: What do you call a stoners wife?
A: Mississippi
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