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Newest jokes
Germany jokes, Jokes about Germans
Germany jokes, Jokes about Germans
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Newest jokes
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A Grek and an Italian go into a restaurant
Who pays?
The German.
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Vladimir Putin, Donald Trump and Angela Merkel are standing at the shore and are trying to impress each other with the accomplishments of their countries. Putin brags,
„We have nuclear submarines which can stay under water for six weeks without having to resurface!“.
Trump goes on,
„Six weeks? That’s nothing. I have the best submarines, they‘re underwater for at least three months!“.
Merkel is about to respond, when a giant steel colossus emerges from the sea. A hatch opens, a black uniform appears -
„Heil Нiтlеr! We need Diesel.“
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When a clock goes forward, it’s tic-tac, but when Rommel goes backwards, its tactic!
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To be the perfect German you need to be as thin as Göring, as tall as Goebbles and as blonde as Нiтlеr.
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did u hear about the new german microwave?
it has ten seats in it
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Why do they bury Germans 20 feet down when they die, instead of the usual 6 feet? Because deep down, Germans are ok.
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A German tourist arrives at a French airport.
Българин влиза във Македония
A German got pulled over by the police in France. Police officer: “Name?” German: “Heinrich Klimt” Police officer: “Age?” German: “31” Police officer: “occupation?” German: “No
Un german pe aeroport in Paris. Vamesul francez se uita la pasaport si intreaba: - Ocupation? La care neamtul: - Nu
A German went to France for holiday and here is the scene, French border staff: Occupation?
German: No, no, no, just visiting.
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A professor was talking about the american dream. then, he asked the german exchange student if there was a german dream, to which the student replies “we did, but no one liked it.”
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A german soldier is walking down the street during a hail storm when a lady suddenly falls over after being hit. He, along with a few others, walk over to her. One man asks, “What happened?” and the soldier replies, “Hail hit her.” (say the joke aloud and it will make more sense)
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Three people die on the same day: a German, an American, and an Italian. They all go to Неll for various reasons.
American: I won’t ever see my dog again!
Italian: I won’t ever make pizzas again!
German: Hey, granddad, how have you been?
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Nobody
Literally nobody
Gordan Ramsey: do you need me to bring Нiтlеr back to life so he can show you how to use a fuскing oven
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In heaven responsible for the joke is the English man for food the Italian man and for the law and order a German man… In hеll responsible for food is the English man for order and law the Italian man and for jokes the German man
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A woman gets rid of polish with chemicals and no one bats an eye
The Germans got rid of polish with chemicals and everyone lost their mind
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How many Germans does it take to sсrеw in a light bulb?
Just one. They’re fiercely efficient and not really given to jokes.
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No matter how kind you are, German children are kinder
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My German girlfriend likes to rate my sеxuаl performances on a scale of 1-10.
Last night we tried аnаl. She kept yelling 9. That's the best I've ever done.
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Q: What do you call Vasoline in German?
A: Vienerschlide.
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