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  2. Insults

Insults

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Over dinner one evening, a wife says to her husband.
“I met this horrible and rude man downtown this morning, and right away I knew he was a troublemaker.
He started to insult me.
He used really bad language.
He even threatened me!”
“How did you meet this fellow?” her husband asked, very concerned.
“Well,” she says, “we met by accident. I hit him with the car.
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Fат bully:what are you staring at?
Boy:the reason why double doors were invented
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FАТ BULLY: Hey shorty i can see your feet in your drivers licence photo. SHORT KID: Hey fат аss you chased a bus full of white kids and yelled comeback here тwinкiе.
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Аsshоlе: You have no friends.
Me: Atleast I know it.
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Your so gаy I can't look at you with a straight face
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Bully: f*ck, b*tch, shiт, rетаrd, loner, lame and no one likes youe
Me: Stop treating me like a mirror you son of a b*tch.
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Sometimes just to annoy my therapist, I ask him, "So how does my lack of progress make you feel?"
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"Dамn dude, you suск."
"But you swallow."
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Teacher: are you talking back to me? Me: yes wouldn't it be rude if I didn't?
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The neighborhood I grew up in had a sign that said, 'Go Slow -- Deaf Child'... Nowadays, I drive by that sign and all I can think is, 'When is this deaf kid gonna get his act together and move out of his parents' house?'
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If I was a police officer and looking at you, I would arrest you for disturbance of peace
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Insult: Your a fail!
Comeback: So was your dad's соndом.
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Kid: I'm way better than you!
Me: At being a f*cking cunt
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Donald Trump steps out onto the White House lawn in the dead of winter. Right in front of him, on the White House lawn, he sees, “Donald Trump Suскs” written in urinе across the snow. ….
….
Well, he’s is pretty ticked off. He storms into his security staff’s HQ, and yells, “Somebody wrote an insult in the snow on the dамn front lawn! And they wrote it in urinе! Whoever did it had to be standing right on the porch when he did it! Where were you guys?!”
The security guys stay silent and stare ashamedly at the floor.
Trump hollers “Well dаммiт, don’t just sit there! Get out and find out who did it! I want an answer, and I want it tonight!”
The entire staff immediately jump up and race for the exits.
Later that evening, his chief security officer approaches him and says:
“Well, Mr. President, we have some bad news and we have some really bad news. Which do you want first?”
Trump says “Give me the bad news first.”
The officer says “Well, we took a sample of the urinе and tested it. The results just came back, and it was Mike Pence’s urinе.”
Trump says “Oh my God, I feel so… so… betrayed! My own vice president! Dамn. …Well, what’s the really bad news?”
The officer replies “Well, it’s Melania’s handwriting.”
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Kid: I want a dragon for christmas.
Santa: Be realistic.
Kid: Ok, I want a loyal girlfriend.
Santa: What color dragon do you want?
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Friend:I did your mom
Me:My mom dosn't do girl on girl action!
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I would show you what you really look like, but I don't think I'm allowed to pull my pants down and show you my аss!
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You got Hillary running for senate. Yeah, that's what America needs -- another white male senator.
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