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Little Johnny

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Иванчо влиза в стаята и заварва баща си да си слага презерватив. Вовочка зашел в спальню и увидел
Little Johnny's dad is sitting on the side of the bed rolling on a соndом about to give his wife some.
Little Johnny sticks his head in the door, sees his dad and says,
"Whatcha doin' Daddy?"
Johnny's dad stoops over to cover up his d*ck and starts looking at the floor.
"Oh, I'm just looking for this big rat I saw." he says.
Little Johnny asks, "Whatcha gonna do, fuск it?"
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During the soccer match little Johny sits in the front row. His friend asks:
- How did you get tickets?
- From my brother - respond Petya.
- And where is your brother?
- At home.
- Looking for his ticket.
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The Teacher had asked the class to write an essay about an unusual event that happened during the past week. Little Johnny got up to read his.
It began, "My daddy fell in a well last week."
"Good Lord!" the teacher exclaimed. "Is he OK?"
"He must be," said Little Johnny. "He stopped calling for help yesterday."
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Little Johnny was crying one day, and his dad asked him why.
'I've lost five cents,' sobbed Johnny.
'Don't worry,' said his dad kindly.'
Here's five more for you,' At this Johnny howled louder than ever.
'Now what is it ?' asked his dad.
'I wish I'd said I'd lost ten cents!'
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Empieza el curso y en la primera clase de sexología humana el profesor pregunta: - Y vamos a ver Je přednáška o sexuálních polohách a přednášející se ptá kolik kdo zná poloh. ze sálu se ozývají různá čísla a pronikavý hlas v zadní části sálu říká 56 Deux types dans un bar en sont arrivés aux discussions paillardes. - Je connais les 36 positions En föreläsare reste runt i landet med sexualupplysning. En dag kom han till en liten by långt norrut. Han började sin föreläsning. - Det finns sextitre olika samlagsställnnigar... - Sextiofyra
In the Sеx Ed class the teacher says, "All right, class, I want you to go home and come back tomorrow with as many positions as you can think of for making sеx."
The next day she says to Little Johnny in the back, "Well, John, how many positions did you come up with?"
Johnny says, "Seventy-three."
The teacher says, "Oh, my goodness...uh...very good, John, very good..."
She calls on Becky in the front and says, "All right, Becky, how about you?"
Becky says, "Gee, teacher, I only came up with one...where the guy just lays on top of the girl."
Johnny yells, "Seventy-four."
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Малката Марийка се прибира от училище и казва: Малко момиченце се прибира у дома и разказва на майка си: Маленькая девочка приходит из школы домой и говорит: Uma honesta menina de sete anos admitiu calmamente para seus pais que Joãozinho havia lhe dado um beijo depois da aula.
Little Mary came back home after school and said:
"Mommy, today during the school break Johnny kissed me on my lips!"
The mother asked indignantly but in surprise,
"And how did this happen?"
"It was not easy, but three of my classmates helped me to hold him firm."
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Johnny comes back home from school and tells his father, "Dad, tomorrow you are invited to a special parent meetings at school."
"How much special?"
"Well, just me, you, the director and two investigators from the FBI."
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The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class.
She called on him and said, "Johnny!
What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?"
Little Johnny quickly replied, "NBC, FOX, ESPN and the Cartoon Network!"
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Little Johnny's class were on an outing to their local police station where they saw pictures, of the ten most wanted men, tacked to a bulletin board.
On the way out of the police station Little Johnny said to the officer, "It was so nice of you to put my daddy's picture up there."
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The teacher asked Johnny, "What is sеx?"
Johnny stood up and said: "Sеx is a temptation caused my a sensation where a boy sticks his location into a girls destination to increase the population of the next generation"
The teacher stared at him and fainted.
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little Johnny: Dad, will you do my math for me tonight?
Dad: No, son, it wouldn't be right.
little Johnny: Well, you could try.
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в школе. 1-й класс. - вовочка Lille Kalle har svårt för räkning. Lärarinnan brukar alltid öva en stund extra med Kalle. - Hur mycket är 2 + 2? Frågar fröken. Kalle räknar på fingrarna och svar raskt: - Fyra. - Jaha
The teacher asked little Johnny, “What’s two and two?”.
He counted 1-2-3-4 on his fingers and said, “Four, teacher?”.
She said, ” Yes, that’s right, but you counted on your fingers. Put your hands behind behind your back and tell me what’s three and three”.
He put his hands behind his back, fumbled around, and answered, “Six, teacher?”.
She said, “Yes, that’s right, but you’re still counting on your fingers.
Put your hands in your pockets and tell me what’s five and five”.
He put his hands in his pockets, fumbled around, and replied, “Eleven, teacher?”.
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Teacher: "Little Johnny, give me a sentence using the word, 'geometry.'"
Little Johnny: "A little acorn grew and grew until it finally awoke one day and said, 'Gee, I'm a tree.'"
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Little Johnny's first grade class was playing "Name That Animal." The teacher held up a picture of a cat and asked, "What animal is this?"
"A cat!" said Suzy.
"Good job. Now, what's this animal?"
"A dog!" said Ricky.
"Good. Now what animal is this?" she asked, holding up a picture of a deer.
The class fell silent. After a couple of minutes, the teacher said, "It's what your mom calls your dad."
"I know!" called out Little Johnny. "A hоrny ваsтаrd!"
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The teacher says, "Today we are going to learn multisyllabic words, class. Does anyone have an example of a multisyllabic word?"
Little Johnny waves his hand, "Me, teacher! Oh, me, me!"
The teacher smiles and says, "Alright, Johnny, what is your multisyllabic word?"
Little Johnny says, "Mas-tur-bate."
The teacher is taken aback, but she manages to smile and says, "Wow, Johnny, that's a mouthful."
Little Johnny says, "No, ma'am, you're thinking of a вlоw job. I'm talking about jerking off."
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школа. идет урок математики. учительница: - дети Μου αρέσει ο τρόπος που σκέφτεστε... Μου αρέσει ο τρόπος που σκέφτεσαι... В класната стая учителката пита Иванчо: Иванчо в час по математика. Τρόπος σκέψης A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Johnny isn't paying attention Little Johnny was doing his work in math class Στην τάξη του Τοτού έχουν μαθηματικά. Ρωτάει η δασκάλα: A little boy is in school working on his arithmetic. Na sala de aula a Professora ( P ) pergunta para o Joãozinho ( J ): Lehrerin zu Fritzchen im Matheunterricht "Une prof dit à son élève : « Il y a 3 oiseaux sur un banc. Je prends un fusil I skolan frågar fröken: - Det sitter fem kråkor på en gren. Du skjuter en Die Lehrerin im Unterricht: „Wenn auf einem Ast drei Vögel sitzen und ich einen abschieße Trois femmes sont sur la plage Jantje zit op school Öğretmeni Ali'ye sormuş;''Ağacta 5 kuş var birini vurdum A teacher asks her class Kalles lärare frågade en Kalle. - Om det finns 5 fåglar på en telefonledning och en jägare skjuter ner 2. Hur många är det kvar? - Inga. - Njae... Rätt svar är 2 Fröken frågar Olle: - Det sitter tre fåglar på en gren Eine Lehrerin beschließt die Intelligenz ihrer Schüler zu testen. Sie fragt Fritzchen: Wenn auf einem Zaun zwei Vögel sitzen Het is tijd voor de rekenles en de juffrouw vraagt aan Jantje: "Er zitten 6 vogels op een hek Урок у школі. Вовочка дивиться у вікно і бачить La maestra in aula: “Vi pongo un problema: sul ramo di un albero ci sono otto uccellini; arriva un cacciatore Der Lehrer stellt seinen Schülern eine Frage: Es sitzen 10 Spatzen auf dem Zaun La maitresse interroge toto : - Il y a 3 oiseaux sur un fil Kadın matematik öğretmeni dersinde öğrencilere sorar: - Bir ağacın dalında 7 tane kuş var. Bir taş attım Matematika óra. A tanárnő kérdezi a gyerekeket: - Gyerekek! Három veréb ül a villanydróton. Ha az egyiket lelőjük Matekórán a tanárnő feltesz az osztálynak egy kérdést: - Gyerekek Pani w szkole pyta dzieci: - Dzieci Læreren: Der sidder 4 fugle på en gren i et træ. Så kommer der en jæger og skyder den ene. Hvor mange er der så tilbage? Peter: Ingen La ora de matematica invatatoarea ii intreaba pe copii: - Trei vrabii stau pe o craca. Pe una o impuscam. Cite ramin atunci pe craca? - Nici una Toto à l’école écoute avec attention le problème posé par la maîtresse : - « Trois oiseaux sont posés sur un fil La maestra: Bambini oggi faremo un esercizio di matematica. - Su di un albero ci sono 10 uccelli; arriva il cacciatore e ne ammazza uno. Quanti uccelli rimangono? Pierino: - Nessuno signora... Matek óran a tanítónéni a következő feladatot adja a gyerekeknek : - Van három bagoly az ágon Hodina. Učitelka: „Tak Ο Τοτός ήταν στο σχολείο και η δασκάλα έκανε μαθηματικά. Ρωτάει η δασκάλα την Ελενίτσα: - « Ελενίτσα αν κάθονται τρία πουλάκια στο δέντρο και ρίξεις μια πέτρα στο ένα πόσα θα σου μείνουν? Δυο... Im Mathe-Unterricht fragt die Lehrerin den kleinen Otto: "Otto Skolotāja jautā Pēterītim: - Uz koka sēž 5 vārnas
Teacher: "Four crows are on the fence. The farmer shoots one. How many are left?"
Little Johnny: "None."
Teacher: "Listen carefully: Four crows are on the fence. The farmer shoots one . How many are left?"
Little Johnny: "None."
Teacher: "Can you explain that answer?"
Little Johnny: "One is shot, the others fly away. There are none left."
Teacher: "Well, that isn't the correct answer, but I like the way you think."
Little Johnny: "Teacher, can I ask a question?"
Teacher: "Sure."
Little Johnny: "There are three women in the ice cream parlor. One is licking, one is biting and one is suскing her ice cream cone. Which one is married?"
Teacher: "The one suскing the cone."
Little Johnny: "No. The one with the wedding ring on, but I like the way you think."
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Little Johnny walks in on his mother in the bathtub. He asks his mother what is the big fuzzy patch below her bellybutton. She replies, "A bush."
The next day Little Johnny walks in on his father while he's in the shower. He asks, "What is that big long thing hanging between your legs?" His father replies, "It is a snake."
A few days later, Little Johnny walks in on his mother, once again in the bathtub. He asks, "What are those two baggy things hanging above your bellybutton?" She replies, "Headlights." A couple weeks go by and the little boy walks in on his parents having sеx. He yells, "Mom, turn on your headlights! The snake is crawling into your bush!"
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A teacher asks the children to discuss what their fathers do for a living.
Little Mary says: "My Dad is a lawyer.
He puts the bad guys in jail."
Little Jack says: "My Dad is a doctor.
He makes all the sick people better."
All the kids in the class had their turn except Little Johnny.
Teacher says: "Johnny, what does your Dad do?"
Johnny says: "My Dad is dead."
"I'm sorry to hear that, but what did he do before he died?"
"He turned blue and shiт on the carpet."
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