The guys are all at a deer camp. No one wants to room with Bob, because he snores so badly. They decide it isn’t fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they vote to take turns. The first guy sleeps with Bob and comes to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot. They say, “Man, what happened to you?” He says, “Bob snored so loudly, I just sat up and watched him all night.”
The next night it is a different guy’s turn. In the morning, same thing - hair all standing up, eyes all bloodshot. They say, “Man, what happened to you? You look awful!” He says, ‘Man, that Bob shakes the roof with his snoring. I watched him all night.”
The third night is Fred’s turn. Fred is a tanned, older cowboy; a man’s man. The next morning he comes to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. “Good morning!” he says. They can’t believe it. They say, “Man, what happened?” Fred says, “Well, we got ready for bed. I went and tucked Bob into bed, patted him on the вuтт, and kissed him good night. Bob sat up and watched me all night.”
Far away in the tropical waters of the Caribbean, two prawns were swimming around in the sea - one called Justin and the other called Christian. The prawns were constantly being harassed and threatened by sharks that patrolled the area.
Finally one day Justin said to Christian, "I'm bored and frustrated at being a prawn, I wish I was a shark, then I wouldn't have any worries about being eaten..."
As Justin had his mind firmly on becoming a predator, a mysterious cod appears and says, "Your wish is granted", and lo and behold, Justin turned into a shark. Horrified, Christian immediately swam away, Afraid of being eaten by his old mate.
Time went on (as it invariably does...) and Justin found himself becoming bored and lonely as a shark. All his old mates simply swam away whenever he came close to them. Justin didn't realize that his new menacing appearance was the cause of his sad plight. While out swimming alone one day he sees the mysterious cod again and can't believe his luck. Justin figured that the fish could change him back into a prawn. He begs the cod to change him back so, lo and behold, he is turned back into a prawn.
With tears of joy in his tiny little eyes, Justin swam back to his friends and bought them all a cocktail. (The punch line does not involve a prawn cocktail - it's much worse). Looking around the gathering at the reef, he searched for his old pal. "Where's Christian?" he asked.
“He's at home, distraught that his best friend changed sides to the enemy and became a shark", came the reply.
Eager to put things right again and end the mutual pain and torture, he set off to Christian's house. As he opened the coral gate the memories came flooding back. He banged on the door and shouted, "It's me, Justin, your old friend, come out and see me again."
“Christian replied, "No way man, you'll eat me. You're a shark; the enemy and I'll not be tricked. " Justin cried back
"No, I'm not. That was the old me. I've changed."...(Wait for it) . . .
....."I've found Cod - I'm a prawn again Christian".
.
There was a tour bus in Egypt that stopped in the middle of a town square.
The tourists are all shopping at the little stands surrounding the square.
One tourist looks at his watch, but it is broken, so he leans over to a local who is squatted down next to his camel. “What time is it, sir?” The local reaches out and softly cups the camel’s gеniтаls in his hand, and raises them up and down. “It’s about 2:00”, he says. The tourist can’t believe what he just saw. He runs back to the bus, and sure enough, it is 2:00. He tells a few of the fellow tourists his story, “The man can tell the time by the weight of the camel’s gеniтаls!” One of the doubting tourists walks back to the local and asks him the time, the same thing happens!! It is 2:05.p.m. He runs back to tell the story. Finally, the bus driver wants to know how it is done. He walks over and asks the local how he knows the time from the camel’s gеniтаls. The local says “Sit down here and grab the camel’s gеniтаls”. “Now, lift them up in the air. Now, look underneath them to the other side of the courtyard, where that clock is hanging on the wall.”
Matilda and Rosie were chatting one day. Matilda had recently moved to a retirement home. Rosie asked, “Matilda, how do like your new home?”
“Oh, I love it,” answered Matilda. “there’s so much to do, and no burdens of cooking a cleaning.” “I’m not sure I’d like it,” Rosie said. “I understand there are hardly any men at these places.”
“Oh, indeed there are,” said Matilda. “There’s Will Power, and Charlie Horse, and (whispering) you can even go to bed with Arthur It is. And, if you don’t like them, there’s Ben Gаy.”