One day, a bartender put up a sign on his door that read "If you can make my horse laugh, I'll give you a free вееr." A guy walked in and said "I'd like to try," and the bartender showed him to the horse's stall out back and let him in. The bartender went back to the bar and waited, and the man came back and said "He's laughing, where's my вееr?" The bartender was surprised and went back to check. Sure enough, the horse was laughing, so he gave the man a free вееr. The bartender asked,
"How did you do that?" The man said,
"It's my secret," and left. The next day, the bartender saw that his horse was laughing non-stop. and it was beginning to irritate him. Frustrated by this, he put up a sign saying, "If you can make the horse cry, I'll give you two free beers." The same man walked in and said "I'd like to try" and the bartender showed him to the horse stall again and went back to the bar to wait. The man came back and sure enough, said,
"The horse is crying, now, give me my free beers." The bartender was surprised once again. He went back to the stall to check, and sure enough, the horse was crying. The bartender asked the man again, "How in the world did you do that? Will you please tell me?" The man said,
"Okay, okay, I'll tell you. First I told the horse my diск was вiggеr than his, and the second time, I showed it to him."
So a man dies, goes to Heaven, and sees St. Peter. There are many clocks surrounding him so the man asks, "What are these clocks for?" St. Peter replies,
"These are lie clocks, they tick once for every lie you tell. Here we have Mother Teresa's clock. She has never lied so the clock has not moved. Honest Abe has only lied twice in his life, so it has only ticked twice." The man then asks, "So where is George Bush's clock?" St. Peter replies,
"Oh, that is in Jesus' office, he is using it as a ceiling fаn!"
A bus carrying many people crashed on an icy road, burst into flames, and everyone died. Upon arrival in heaven, God said,
"Since you have died in a terrible way, I'll grant you one wish before I let you into heaven." The first woman, being a person always concerned on her looks, comes up to God and says "I wish to be beautiful." God grants her wish. The next person can’t decide on what to wish for, so he ends up wishing for the same thing. At this point a man at the very back of the line starts to laugh. The next couple, seeing how utterly wondrous the two have become, make their wish to become beautiful also, and the man at the end laughs even louder. One after another, the people wish for the same thing. The closer God gets to the end of the line, the harder the man laughs. When God finally reaches him, he asks "What is your wish my son?" The man says,
"Make them all ugly again!"