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Вицове за Мъже English Männer-Witze, Männerwitze Chistes de hombres Про мужчин Blague sur les hommes Barzellette Uomini ανέκδοτα για άντρες Мажи.. Erkek Fıkraları Анекдоти чоловіки Piadas sobre Homens Dowcipy i kawały: Mężczyźni Skämt om män Mannen Moppen, Moppen over man... Jokes om mænd Vitser for menn Vitsit miehistä, Miesvitsit Férfi viccek Bancuri Barbati Anekdoty a vtipy o mužích a ma... Juokai apie vyrus Joki par vīriešiem Vicevi o muškarcima
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Opinions are like diскs, only men should have them.
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It’s hard to be a woman - they have to think like a man, act like a lady, look like a young girl and work like a horse.
It’s easy to be a feminist - they don’t think like a man, don’t act like a lady, don’t look like a young girl and smell like a horse.
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Men will brag that there are women waiting by the phone at this very moment for their call. Who are these women? Women working at 900 numbers.
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Q. Why do gаy men like to have sеx in toilets?
A. Because you can’t catch Aids sitting on a toilet seat.
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Who's the biggest fаggот in the world?
Pac-man he swallows ваlls till he's dead.
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Rodney LimpWrist and his light-in-the-loafers вuтт-buddy Chauncey, are visiting the Zoo. ….
….
They are walking hand-in-hand from cage to cage and they come across the gorilla and notice that the male gorilla has a massive еrестiоn. The gаy guys are fascinated by this. Chauncey just can’t bear it any longer, and he reaches into the cage to touch it.
The gorilla grabs him, drags him into the cage and mates with him for six hours, nonstop, while the zoo attendants helplessly stand by….
When he’s done, the gorilla throws Chauncey out of the cage. An ambulance is called and he is rushed away to the hospital.
A few days later, Rodney visits Chauncey in the hospital and asks, “You look terribly sad. Are you hurt?”
“AM I HURT?” Chauncey sobs, “Wouldn’t you be? He hasn’t called…. he hasn’t written…..”
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What is similar between a gаy man and a housefly ?
They both love shitholes
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A gаy man, finally deciding he could no longer hide his sexuality from his parents, went over to their house and found his mother in the kitchen cooking dinner.
He sat down at the kitchen table, let out a big sigh, and said, “Mom, I have something to tell you. I’m gаy.”
His mother made no reply or gave any response, and the guy was about to repeat it to make sure she’d heard him, when she turned away from the рот she was stirring and said calmly, “You’re gаy, doesn’t that mean that you put other men’s penises in your mouth?”
He says nervously, “Uh, yeah, Mom, I do.”
His mother went back to stirring the рот, then suddenly whirled around, and whacked him over the head with a frying pan and said, “Don’t you dare complain about the taste of my cooking ever again!”
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Studies show that 4 out of 5 men want a вiggеr реnis.
Not me! Even the little ones hurt when they go in.
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A belligerent drunк walks into a bar and hollers:
“I can liск any man in the place!”
The nearest customer looks him up and down, then says:
“Crude, but direct.
Tell me, is this your first time in a gаy bar?
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A man walks into the library.
“Hello ma’am I’d like to borrow a book about committing suicide”
The librarian replies, “No,you won’t give it back”
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Two men were talking about their wives
The first man says “My wife is an angel.” The second man says “You’re lucky, mine’s still alive.”
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A man takes a beautiful blonde to his apartment. They're kissing in the elevator when she feels something in his pocket."What is that?" she asks.
He replies, "Those are my golf ваlls."
She says, "Is that like tennis elbow?"
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Светско првенство На стадион Уембли се провежда футболния мач на века - националният отбор на Англия срещу отбора на света. Парень купил билет на Кубок Мира по футболу у сотрудника. Ein Mann sitzt im eigentlich ausverkauften Stadion des Fußball-WM-Finales in Deutschland und hat neben sich einen leeren Sitz. Irritiert fragt er den Zuschauer auf der anderen Seite des leeren Platzes Un avocat fou de football américain avait tout essayé pour obtenir des tickets pour la finale du Superbowl. Il parvint finalement Een man had tickets voor twee goede plaatsen voor de finale van de Champions League. Terwijl hij daar zit komt een andere man naar beneden en vraagt of het zitje naast hem bezet is. "Neen There was a Packers fan with a really crappy seat at Lambeau. Looking with his binoculars änglarna spelade match på Ullevi och det var fullsatt. En man upptäckte att det dock fanns en tom plats intill honom och vände sig till grannen: - Det ser ut att vara någon som fått förhinder. -... Finał mistrzostw świata. Pełen stadion Mecz finałowy mistrzostw świata w piłce nożnej. Siedzi facet. Obok niego puste miejsce. Podchodzi do niego inny facet i pyta It's Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Final It's the 7th game of the Stanley Cup Finals. At the beginning of the game Dai was watching a Six Nations game in Cardiff. In the packed stadium there was only one empty seat Pokalspiel gegen Dortmund Um sujeito estava sentado na primeira fila de um daqueles espetáculos majestosos e caríssimos da Broadway onde Een man had tickets voor de Gouden Medaille Volleybal wedstrijd te zien op de Olympische Spelen Karel heeft eindelijk zijn kaarten voor de WK finale voetbal in zijn bezit gekregen. Als de wedstrijd begonnen is Joãozinho estava em um estádio de futebol lotado quando um cara que estava passando percebeu que só havia um lugar no estádio que não estava vago e que era ao lado dele. Ele não se conteve de... A man went to the All Stars game with two front row seat tickets. He sat down and then another man asked him if the other chair was taken. The man said " no Ved næstsidste runde i Superligaen En el partido final de la Copa del mundo un hincha se queda muy extrañado al ver un asiento vacío En ung mand var virkelig henrykt Stadio Olimpico. Derby Roma – Lazio. Poco prima della partita Na finálovém zápase SuperBowlu v americkém fotbale sedí chlápek na jednom z nejlepších míst. Na narvaných tribunách se mačká spousta lidí a vedle něj je jedno místo volné. Dalšímu chlápkovi v řadě... Egy férfi kap egy ingyenjegyet a focibajnokság döntőjére. Sajnos a jegy a stadion legtávolabbi helyére szól Finalen i fodbold-VM spilles for et udsolgt stadion. Men en tilskuer ser Stadio. Poco prima della partita Két férfi beszélget a színházban. Az előttük lévő szék üres. Mondja az egyik: - Te Финале на светско првенство во фудбал. Целиот стадион распродаден уште пред 5 месеци Marakana puna ko oko A lawyer trying to get tickets to a Broadway show There was this man who won a contest and got one free ticket to the Superbowl. He was so happy A young man was very excited because he just won a ticket to the Super Bowl. His excitement lessened as he realized his seat was in the back of the stadium. As he searched the rows ahead of him for... John received a free ticket to the Super Bowl. Unfortunately. John's seat was in the last row in the corner of the stadium. He was closer to the Goodyear Blimp than the stadium. He noticed an... Adam Trabzon'un maçına gitmiş. Aldığı bilet tribünün en uzak köşesinde. Yerine oturmuş ve ilk yarıyı güç bela seyretmiş. O arada ön tarafta tam ortada bir koltuğun boş olduğunu farketmiş... Devre... In timpul unui meci de fotbal al echipei nationale tribunele sunt arhipline un singur loc ramanand neocupat. Posesorul biletului ii ofera locul unui spectator care statea in picioare. - Stiti Vyriškis ateina į ilgai lauktas pasaulio taurės futbolo varžybas
A guy finally got tickets to the Super Bowl, but his seats were in the nosebleed section - but he didn't care, he had always dreamed of going to the Super Bowl.
So he wants to find a seat closer to where he can see better. He finds this seat toward the front and he asks the guy next to it whether anyone is sitting there.
The guy replies, "No, because my wife just died."
"Well," says the first man, "why didn't you just bring a friend or relative?"
The guy replied, "Oh, they're all at the funeral."
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A man in a balaclava with a gun asked, "Are you a Protestant or a Catholic?"
"Neither, I'm a Jew."
"But are you a Protestant Jew or a Catholic Jew?"
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How do men define a "50/50" relationship?
We cook-they eat; we clean-they dirтy; we iron-they wrinkle.
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How can you tell when a man is dead?
He stays stiff for more than two minutes.
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An Irish man walks into a bar.
The bartender looks at him and notices he has a steering wheel stuck down the front of his pants.
"Hey," he says,
"What's with the steering wheel down your pants?"
"Ach," says the Irish man, "it's drivin' me nuts!"
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