A pilot was forced to make a crash landing in a farmer's field.
The farmer took the pilot back to the farmhouse, where the pilot noticed the farmer had a golden fiddle hanging above the fireplace. The two men were standing there talking when the farmer's wife came down the steps. The pilot couldn't believe how beautiful she was.
"How can you trust her to be here by herself all day, while you go out and work the fields?"
"I trust my wife," the farmer said. "She's never been unfaithful."
"I'll make you a little bet. If I take your wife upstairs, she'll be unfaithful. If not, you can have my plane. But, if she is, I get your fiddle."
"It's a deal." So, the pilot and the farmer's wife go upstairs. About a half hour passes, and the farmer picks up the fiddle and starts playing it.
"Be true to me, Be true to me, Be true for just one hour. Be true to me, Be true to me, And his airplane will be ours." Another fifteen minutes pass, and suddenly he sees his wife coming down the stairs. He asks her if she stayed true to him. She walked over, picked up the fiddle, started playing it.
"He kissed me on the lips, He kissed me on the тiтs, He kissed me in the middle. He kissed a spot that you forgot, and you lost your fuскing fiddle."
Harry and his wife are driving in the country when he sees a sign that reads: "Соw For Sale - $5,000."
He pulls in and says to the farmer, "There's no соw in the world worth$5,000." The farmer says, "Oh, yeah? Take a look at this." He lifts the соw's tail and Harry sees that the соw has a snатсh just like a woman. Harry gets back in the car, turns to his wife and says, "It's just not fair. Here's this farmer with a соw that has a snатсh like a woman and it's worth $5,000, and here I am, with you, with a snатсh like a соw, and you're not worth sh*t."