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Men-Women jokes

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A man moved into a new apartment, and he decided to go and check his mail.
The next thing he knows, a beautiful woman is standing in front of him and she has a robe on and she opens it and the man notices she has nothing on underneath. He tries to keep eye contact with the girl while she is talking to him. All of a sudden she says, “I hear someone coming, let's go in my apartment.
When they get in to her apartment, she lets her robe fall to the ground and asks the man, “Which part of my body do you like the best?” The guy replies, “Your ears.”
So she gets mad and asks, “Why my ears!? Look at this body! It's perfect! Look at these вrеаsтs - they're real and they're mine! Look at this вuтт - it's hard and firm! So why my ears?” The guy says, “Well, because the person you heard coming was me!”
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Q: Why does it take one million sреrм to fertilize one egg?
A: They don't stop to ask for directions
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Q: What can a bird do that a man can't?
A: Whistle through his рескеr.
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How many men does it take to mop a floor?
None. It's a woman's job.
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There once was a man from Cass.
Whose ваlls were made out of brass.
When they tinkled together,
They played "Stormy Weather"
And lightning shot out of his аss.
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Q: What's the quickest way to a man's heart?
A: Through his chest.
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How is a hurricane like a marriage?
At the beginning there's a lot of blowing and suскing, and when it's over your house is gone.
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What does a guy say when he's going to маsтurвате?
"I'm gonna to go hit the sack!"
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Q: How did Helen Keller discover маsтurватiоn?
A: She tried to read her own lips.
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Q: Why did Helen Keller маsтurвате with only one hand?
A: So she could moan with the other hand.
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Geek Воотy Call... Math:
How about we add a bed, subtract our clothes, divide your legs and multiply?
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Q: What's the difference between a fат person and a virgin?
A: A fат person is trying to diet, and a virgin is dying to try it.
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Q: Why is a man's рее yellow and his sреrм white?
A: So he can tell if he's coming or going.
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How are men like lightbulbs?
You have to sсrеw both of them to get a response!
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Q: How many men does it take to sсrеw in a light bulb?
A: Five. One to actually do the sсrеwing and four others to brag that they did.
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Q: Why are men like blenders?
A: Every woman who has one doesn't know why.
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Have you ever read that married men live longer than single men?
What they don't tell you is that married men are much more willing to die.
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A man walks up to a stranger in the street.
"Do you like рussy cats?" said the stranger.
"Yeah, I do," said the man. "But how did you know my name was 'Katz?''
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