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How is a hurricane like a marriage?
At the beginning there's a lot of blowing and suскing, and when it's over your house is gone.

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What does a guy say when he's going to маsтurвате?
"I'm gonna to go hit the sack!"

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Q: How did Helen Keller discover маsтurватiоn?
A: She tried to read her own lips.

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Geek Воотy Call... Math:
How about we add a bed, subtract our clothes, divide your legs and multiply?

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Q: What's the difference between a fат person and a virgin?
A: A fат person is trying to diet, and a virgin is dying to try it.

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Q: Why don't women have men's brains?
A: They don't have a реnis to put them in!

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Q: Why is a man's рее yellow and his sреrм white?
A: So he can tell if he's coming or going.

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How are men like lightbulbs?
You have to sсrеw both of them to get a response!

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Q: How many men does it take to sсrеw in a light bulb?
A: Five. One to actually do the sсrеwing and four others to brag that they did.

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Q: Why are men like blenders?
A: Every woman who has one doesn't know why.

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Have you ever read that married men live longer than single men?
What they don't tell you is that married men are much more willing to die.

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A man walks up to a stranger in the street.
"Do you like рussy cats?" said the stranger.
"Yeah, I do," said the man. "But how did you know my name was 'Katz?''

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Why'd they create the microwave?
So blondes could cook, too!

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A cop drives up Lovers' Lane and sees a car parked. He walks up to the car and sees a girl in the back seat knitting and a boy in the front seat reading a book.
The cop asks the boy how old he is and what he's doing. The boy answers, "I'm reading a book, and I'm 20."
Then the cop asks what the girl's doing and how old she is. The boy replies, "She's knitting, and she'll be 18 in about five minutes."

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A women came home one day with a mirror and told her husband it was magic.
Her husband told her to prove it. She said watch, ''Mirror, mirror on the wall, make my воовs biggest of all.'' Sure enough, they grew huge. The husband was amazed and said, "Ooh, oooh, let me try! Mirror, mirror show me more, make my diск touch the floor.'' His legs fell off.

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One day, two monks were in the vaults of the monastery going through the old scrolls.
"You see, there are the originals," said the first monk. "All the new scrolls were copied from these."
"Can I see one?"
"Sure. This is one outlines the rules for monkdom-" All of a sudden, the monk's face turns white and he falls to his knees.
"What? What does it say?"
"Celebrate. IT SAYS CELEBRATE!"

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A very hоrny guy is stranded on an island with a monkey. After a while, he decides to have sеx with the monkey, but the monkey continually slips out of his grip and runs away.
One day, a very attractive girl is drowning in the ocean and the guy saves her.
She says, "I'll do anything to repay you."
The man says, "Can you help me catch that dамn monkey?"

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Q: What has 40 teeth and holds back a monster?
A: My zipper.

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