Most Popular Jokes

Tennessee: A man successfully broke into a bank after hours and stole the bank's video camera, while the camera was remotely recording. (That is, the videotape recorder was located elsewhere in the bank, so he didn't get the videotape of himself stealing the camera).
Louisiana: A man walked into a Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer? Fifteen dollars. [If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, was a сriме committed?]
Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some вееr pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some вооzе, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. Seems the liquor store window was made of Plexi-Glass. The whole event was caught on videotape.
New York: As a female shopper exited a convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police had apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes Officer..that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."
Ann Arbor:The Ann Arbor News сriме column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 12:50am, flashed a gun and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.
Kentucky: Two men tried to pull the front off a cash machine by running a chain from the machine to the bumper of their pickup truck. Instead of pulling the front panel off the machine, though, they pulled the bumper off their truck. Scared, they left the scene and drove home. With the chain still attached to the machine. With their bumper still attached to the chain. With their vehicle's license plate still attached to the bumper.
Police Officer Jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Banker Jokes Beer Jokes
The boss wondered why one of his most valued employees was absent, but had not phoned in.
Needing to have an urgent work problem resolved, he dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted by a child's whispered, "Hello."
"Is your Daddy home?" he asked.
"Yes," whispered the small voice.
"May I talk with him?"
The child whispered, "No."
Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?"
"Yes."
"May I talk with her?"
Again the small voice whispered, "No."
Hoping there was someone with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, "Is anyone else there?"
"Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman."
Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"
"No, he's busy," whispered the child.
"Busy doing what?"
"Talking to Mommy and Daddy and the Fireman," came the whispered answer.
Growing more worried as he heard a loud noise through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, "What is that noise?"
"A helicopter," answered the whispering voice.
"What is going on there?" demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive.
Again, whispering, the child answered, "The search team just landed a helicopter."
Alarmed, confused, and a little frustrated, the boss asked, "What are they searching for?"
Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle..."Me!"
Police Officer Jokes Boss Jokes
Sex Jokes
An old cowboy sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee. As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him.
She turned to the cowboy and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?' He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole life breaking colts, working cows, going to rodeos, fixing fences, pulling calves, bailing hay, doctoring calves, cleaning my barn, fixing flats, working on tractors, and feeding my dogs, so I guess I am a cowboy..'
She said, 'I'm a lеsвiаn. I spend my whole day thinking about nакеd women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about nакеd women. When I shower, I think about nакеd women. When I watch TV, I think about nакеd women. It seems everything makes me think of nакеd women.'
The two sat sipping in silence.
A little while later, a man sat down on the other side of the old cowboy and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?'
He replied, 'I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lеsвiаn.'
Седи си един каубой в бара и си порка. Каубой стои на бара. Ο καουμπόυ A young woman walks into a bar and sits down next to a man wearing a cowboy hat. Een oude cowboy zit aan de bar een biertje te drinken. Er komt een mooie jonge vrouw naast hem zitten en zij vraagt hem: "Bent u een echte cowboy?" "Wel," antwoordt de oude man, "ik heb me mijn... Entra naquele bar do Texas, um português vestido como um verdadeiro caubói: Chapéu, Botas, Esporas até um laço na cintura. Pede um whisky e senta-se ao lado de uma bela garota que lhe olha da... An old cowboy sat down at Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee. As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him. She turned to the cowboy and asked, “Are you a real cowboy?” He... Egy cowboy bent iszogat a bárban, odalép hozzá egy nő és megkérdi: - Te igazi cowboy vagy? - Igen! - válaszolja a cowboy. - És mit csinál egy cowboy? - Reggeltől estig vigyáz a csordájára, majd... Fragt eine Frau in einer Bar einen Cowboy: "Sind Sie ein echter Cowboy?" - "Yes, ich reite Pferde, hüte Kühe und repariere Zäune; ich denke, ich bin ein echter Cowboy! Und was sind Sie?" - "Ich bin... Sjedi kauboj u birtiji i prilazi mu lezbijka: Kauboj: - "Ko si ti?" "Lezbijka." "Šta ti to znači?" "Po čitav dan mislim na žene i kad jedem mislim na žene i kad pijem mislim na žene i kad se... Un vieux cowboy, en grande tenue complète comprenant chemise de cowboy, chapeau, jeans et éperons entre dans un saloon et commande à boire. Comme il est assis à siroter son tord-boyau, une jeune... Bemegy egy cowboykalapos, bőrnadrágos, magasszárú csizmás fickó a bárba és leül a pulthoz. Rendel egy italt, amikor a mellette ülő nő megkérdi tőle: - Mondja, maga igazi cowboy? Csak azért kérdem,... Un cowboy batran a intrat intr-un bar si comanda o cafea. Pe cand isi bea cafeaua, langa el se aseaza o tanara. Cere o cafea, apoi se intoarce catre cowboy si-l intreaba: - Esti un cowboy adevarat?...
Jokes about Women Medical and Doctor Jokes Men jokes Drinking and Drunk Jokes Gay and Lesbian Jokes Cowboys and Indians Jokes Coffee Jokes
Little Johnny comes home from sunday school with a black eye. His father sees it and says, "Johnny, how many times do I have to tell you not to fight with the other boys?"
"But Dad, it wasn't my fault. We were all in church saying our prayers. We all stood up and my teacher in front of me had her dress in the сrаск of her вuтт.
I reached over and pulled it out. That's when she hit me!"
"Johnny," the father said. "You don't do those kind of things to women."
Sure enough, the very next Sunday Johnny came home with the other eye black and blue.
Johnny's father said, "Johnny, I thought we had a talk!"
"But Dad," Johnny said, "It wasn't my fault. There we were in church saying our prayers. We all stood up and my teacher in front of us had her dress in the сrаск of her вuтт. Then Louie who was sitting next to me saw it and he reached over and pulled it out.
Now I know she doesn't like this, so I pushed it back in!"
Two Black Eyes for a Favor Komm der Mann mit zwei blauen Augen nach Hause. Fragt die Frau: Мъж се прибира вкъщи от черква с насинени очи. Ο Γιαννάκης επιστρέφει από το σχολείο με το αριστερό μάτι μαυρισμένο. Johny came crying. Dad: "What happened?" Johny: "Today at class when we got up from our seats for prayer, Rita, who sits in front of us, had her skirt stuck between her ass, seeing that my bench mate pulled it out." Dad: "That's bad, but why you are crying?" Johny: "I knew that's bad, so I... Joãozinho chega na aula com o olho roxo e a professora pergunta: — Joãozinho, o que aconteceu com você? Você está com o olho todo roxo! — É professora, eu estava no busão vindo pra aula e do meu lado tinha uma gorda. Aí, quando ela levantou, eu vi que a saia dela tava enfiada no bumbum, então eu... Eina Petriukas su fingalais abiejose akyse ir sutinka draugą. Tas jo klausia: - Kas tau nutiko? - Ai, norėjau gerą darbą padaryti... - Kaip?! - Nu važiuoju autobusu, žiūriu moteriškei į užpakalį... Чого це в тебе синець під оком? — Розумієш, на зупинці автобуса побачив дівчину, в якої плаття залізло в сраку. Я взяв і потихеньку витягувати почав. — І воно тобі було треба? — Я теж потім так...
Little Johnny Jokes School Jokes
An American soldier, serving in World War II, had just returned from several weeks of intense action on the German front lines.
He had finally been granted R&R and was on a train bound for London.
The train was very crowded, so the soldier walked the length of the train, looking for an empty seat.
The only unoccupied seat was directly adjacent to a well-dressed middle-aged lady and was being used by her little dog.
The war weary soldier asked, "Please, ma'am, may I sit in that seat?"
The English woman looked down her nose at the soldier, sniffed and said, "You Americans.
You are such a rude class of people.
Can't you see my little Fifi is using that seat?"
The soldier walked away, determined to find a place to rest, but after another trip down to the end of the train, found himself again facing the woman with the dog.
Again he asked, "Please, lady.
May I sit there?
I'm very tired."
The English woman wrinkled her nose and snorted, "You Americans!
Not only are you rude, you are also arrogant. Imagine!"
The soldier didn't say anything else; he leaned over, picked up the little dog, tossed it out the window of the train and sat down in the empty seat.
The woman shrieked and railed, and demanded that someone defend her and chastise the soldier.
An English gentleman sitting across the aisle spoke up, "You know, sir, you Americans do seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing.
You eat holding the fork in the wrong hand.
You drive your cars on the wrong side of the road.
And now, sir, you've thrown the wrong вiтсh out the window."
Jokes about Women Car and driving jokes Animal Jokes Military Jokes American Jokes
Ca se passe aux U.S.A... Un soldat se précipite sur une religieuse et, à bout de souffle, lui demande: Запъхтян американски войник дотичва при една монахиня: Запыхавшийся американский солдат подлетает к монашке: Задъхан американски войник, тича към една монахиня: O soldado chegou correndo a uma bifurcação e viu uma freira de pé ali. Sem respiração, ele pediu: - Por favor, Irmã, posso me esconder sob seus trajes por alguns minutos? Eu explico depois. A freira concordou. Logo em seguida, dois soldados chegaram correndo e perguntaram: - Por favor, Irmã, você... Een amerikaanse GI soldaat komt al lopend op een kruispunt en ziet er een non staan. Hij vraagt: "Zuster, mag ik mij even verbergen onder uw rok ik leg het later wel uit." De non gaat enthousiast...
Military Jokes Police Officer Jokes
Две монахини стоят край пътя и държат табела: Ο παπάς και ο ραβίνος Αμαρτήματα Dois amigos caipiras estavam pescando à beira de uma estrada. Perto do lugar onde se situavam, eles fixaram uma placa com os dizeres: "O fim está próximo! Mude de rumo antes que seja tarde!" Um motorista que estava passando no local gritou para os dois: — Não me encham a paciência, seus malucos !... Två präster stod vid vägkanten och höll upp en skylt med orden: - Slutet är nära. Vänd om innan det är försent. - Lägg av, era religiösa idioter, vrålade en bilist då han körde förbi. När... A local priest and a pastor were fishing on the side of the road. They thoughtfully made a sign saying, "The End is Near! Turn yourself around now before it's too late!" and showed it to each...
Priest Jokes
A young ventriloquist is touring Norway and puts on a show in a small fishing town. With his duммy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes.
Suddenly, a blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and starts shouting, 'I've heard enough of your sтuрid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype Norwegian blonde women that way? What does the color of a woman's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's men like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community, and from reaching our full potential as people. Its people like you that make others think that all blondes are dumb. You and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes but women in general, pathetically all in the name of humor!'The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologize, and the blonde interrupts yelling, 'You stay out of this..I'm talking to that little shiт on your lap.'
Blonde Jokes Jokes about Women Office and Work Jokes Stupid Jokes Military Jokes
Michael and his wife live in Minnesota. One winter morning while listening to WCCO, they hear the announcer say, "We are going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through." Michael's wife goes out and moves her car.
A week later, while they were eating breakfast, the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd numbered side of the street so the snowplow can get through." Michael's wife goes out and moves her car again.
The next week they are having breakfast again, when the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 12 to 14 inches of snow today. You must park......", then the electric power goes out. Michael's wife is very upset and, with a worried look on her face, she says, "Honey, I don' know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the plow can get through?"
With the love and understanding in Michael's voice, like all the men who are married to blondes exhibit, Michael says, "Why don't you just leave it in the garage this time.
Sexist Jokes Blonde Jokes
While the pope was visiting the USA, he told the driver of his limo that he has the sudden urge to drive. The driver was a good Catholic man, and would not ever dream of questioning the pope's authority. So the pope sat at the wheel, while his driver got in the back.
They were traveling down the road doing between 70 and 80 mph, when a policeman happened to see them. As he pulled them over, he called in to headquarters reporting a speeding limo, with a VIP inside it.
The chief asked:
"Who is in the limo, the mayor?"
The policeman told him:
"No, someone more important than the mayor."
Then the chief asked "Is it the governor?"
The policeman answered:
"No, someone more important than the governor."
The chief finally asked:
"Is it the President?"
The policeman answered:
"No, someone even more important than the President."
This made the chief very angry and he bellowed:
"Now who is more important than the President?!"
The policeman calmly wispered:
"I'll put it to you this way chief. I don't know who is this guy, but he has the pope as his chauffeur."
Пристигнал папата на посещение в София и се качил на едно такси за да разгледа забележителностите. Папата шофер The Pope Drives Ο Πάπας Der Papst reist im Auto durch die menschenleere Einöde Kanadas. De paus gaat op bezoek in scherpenheuvel voor een zaligverklaring. De vaste pausmobielchauffeur Giovanni van de paus zegt: "Hoogheid Belgie ligt niet zover van Rome als we nu eens met de... Папата отлетял към Ню Йорк за конференция. Събудил се сутринта в хотела и видял, че закъснява. Облякъл се набързо, спрял едно такси и казал на шофьора: Η Φεράρι έκανε δώρο στον Πάπα το καλύτερό της μοντέλο. Την άλλη μέρα, ο οδηγός μπροστά, ο Πάπας πίσω βγαίνουν για βόλτα στην εθνική Le pape vient juste de terminer sa visite de Paris en papamobile. Il est sur le point de monter dans une limousine pour aller à Roissy; et soudain pris d'une envie de conduire une Safrane irrépressible, il demande au chauffeur de monter à l'arrière,... Papa makam otosuyla Roma’da dolaşmaktadır. Bir süre sonra canı sıkılır ve şoför’e durmasını söyler. Şoför’ü arkaya geçirir ve arabayı kendisi kullanmaya başlar. Araç kullanmanın zevkine varınca... O papa veio ao Brasil e um motorista numa Mercedes apanhou-o para levá-lo a São Paulo. Andava devagar e o papa pediu que corresse mais, porém ele disse que não podia, pois havia guardas na estrada.... Der Papst unternimmt wieder einmal eine seiner Reisen, diesmal nach Südamerika. In einem der dortigen Länder müssen die Wege zwischen den einzelnen Reisestationen mit dem Auto zurückgelegt werden.... En el Vaticano el Papa estaba súper aburrido, entonces no encuentra nada mejor que llamar a su chofer para salir a recorrer las calles de roma, pero el chofer conducía tan lento que el Papa más... Na última viagem do Papa ao EUA, durante a viagem de avião, ele bebeu muito vinho. Ao descer do avião já disse para seu motorista que iria dirigir e o motorista deixou. O Papa que estava para lá de... Le pape arrive à l'aéroport de Roissy où l'état a mis à sa disposition une limousine. Or le pape est un FAN d'automobile. Il supplie le chauffeur de lui laisser prendre le volant. Après quelques... A pápa elhatározza, hogy inkognitóban bemegy Rómába. Beül a sötétített ablakú limuzinba, és megmondja a sofőrnek, hogy irány a város! A sofőr azonban baromira be van rezelve, mert még sosem vitte a... Cica a venit papa in Romania. Si mergea el cu masina condusa de sofer si cum nu-i placea felul in care conducea masina ii spune sa se dea la o parte ca sa conduca papa. Incepe papa si baga viteza... Dopo aver caricato tutti i bagagli del Papa nella limousine, l'autista nota che Sua Santità sta ancora aspettando sul marciapiede e l'autista al Papa: - "Mi scusi, Santità vorrebbe per favore... Popiežius vėlavo atskristi į svarbų susitikimą. Kai nusileido, jis prašė vairuotoją važiuoti greičiau, kad suspėtų. Vairuotojas padidino greitį, tačiau popiežiui atrodė, kad jie vis dar važiuoja... Der Papst wird von seinem Chauffeur umhergefahren. Dem Papst wird langweilig, also bittet er seinen Chauffeur, ob er mit ihm mal die Plätze tauschen kann. Der Papst meint, er liebe es Autos zu...
Police Officer Jokes Superhero Jokes Boss Jokes
An Alabama preacher said to his congregation, "Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Кlаn.
This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate.
I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now, I want the party who did this to stand and ask forgiveness From God and this Christian Family."
No one moved.
The preacher continued, "Do you have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel glory. Now stand and confess your transgression."
Again all was quiet.
Then slowly, a drop-dead gorgeous blonde with a body that would stop traffic rose from the third pew. Her head was bowed and her voice quivered as she spoke, "Reverend there has been a terrible misunderstanding.I never said you were a member of the Ku Klux Кlаn. I simply told a couple of my friends that you were a wizard under the sheets."
The preacher fell to his knees, his wife fainted, and the congregation roared!
Friendship Jokes Blonde Jokes
Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand.I am in shape. Round is a shape.Time may be a great healer, but it's also a lousy beautician.Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark, professionals built the Titanic.Conscience is what hurts when everything else feels so good.Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand.Stupidity got us into this mess -- why can't it get us out?Even if you are on the right track, you'll get run over if you just stand there.Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.An optimist thinks that this is the best possible world. A pessimist fears that this is true.There is always death and taxes; however, death doesn't get worse every year.People will accept your ideas much more readily if you tell them that Benjamin Franklin said it first.It's easier to fight for one's principles than to live up to them.I don't mind going nowhere as long as it's an interesting path.Anything free is worth what you pay for it.It hurts to be on the cutting edge.If it ain't broke, fix it till it is.I don't get even, I get odder.In just two days, tomorrow will be yesterday.I always wanted to be a procrastinator, never got around to it.I am a nutritional overachiever.My inferiority complex is not as good as yours.I am having an out of money experience.I plan on living forever! So far, so good!Not afraid of heights -- afraid of widths.Practice safe eating -- always use condiments.A day without sunshine is like night.I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad, I take something for it.If marriage were outlawed, only outlaws would have in-laws.Life is an endless struggle full of frustrations and challenges, but eventually, you find a hair stylist you like.You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.It's frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but also, to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fат cells live forever.Age doesn't always bring wisdom. Sometimes, age comes alone.Life not only begins at forty, it begins to show.You don't stop laughing because you grow old, you grow old because you stopped laughing!!
Jokes
You know your getting older when...
1. You and your teeth don't sleep together.
2. Your try to straighten out the wrinkles in your socks and discover you aren't wearing any.
3. At the breakfast table you hear snap, crackle, pop and you're not eating cereal.
4. Your back goes out but you stay home.
5. When you wake up looking like your driver's license picture.
6. It takes two tries to get up from the couch.
7. When your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio.
8. When happy hour is a nap.
9. When you're on vacation and your energy runs out before your money does..
10. When you say something to your kids that your mother said to you and you always hated it.
11. When all you want for your birthday is to not be reminded of your age.
12. When you step off a curb and look down one more time to make sure the street is still there.
13. Your idea of weight lifting is standing up.
14. It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired.
15. Your memory is shorter and your complaining lasts longer.
16. Your address book has mostly names that start with Dr.
17. You sit in a rocking chair and can't get it going.
18. The pharmacist has become your new best friend.
19. Getting 'lucky' means you found your car in the parking lot.
20. The twinkle in your eye is merely a reflection from the sun on your bifocals.
21. It takes twice as long - to look half as good.
22. Everything hurts, and what doesn't hurt - doesn't work.
23. You look for your glasses for half an hour and they were on your head the whole time.
24. You sink your teeth into a steak - and they stay there.
25. You give up all your bad habits and still don't feel good.
26. You have more patience, but it is actually that you just don't care anymore.
27. You finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart.
28. You wonder how you could be over the hill when you don't even remember being on top of it.
Birthday Jokes
Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company's Christmas Party. Jack is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn't taste like alcohol at all. He didn't even remember how he got home from the party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong.
Jack had to force himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose! Jack sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house.
He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror. Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in lipstick:
"Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to get groceries to make your favorite dinner tonight. I love you, darling! Love, Jillian"
He stumbles into the kitchen and sure enough, there is a hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee, and the morning newspaper all waiting for him. His son is also at the table, eating. Jack asks, "Son... what happened last night?"
"Well, you came home after 3 in the morning, drunк and out of your mind. You fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door."
Confused, he asked his son, "So, why is everything in such perfect order and so clean? I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?"His son replies,
"Oh THAT! Well, Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed,'Leave me alone, I'm married!'"
Петър се събужда с ужасен махмурлук след луд, фирмен Коледен купон. Женен съм im richtigen Moment das Richtige sagen Hangover Μα τί έγινε χτες βράδυ; мужик просыпается со страшного похмелья, идёт на кухню воды попить... Сутрин! Мъж с тежък махмурлук се събужда от аромата на прясно сварено кафе. Обръща се към нощното шкафче и забелязва, че под чашата има оставена бележка: Bill wakes up at home with a huge hangover. He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table. Мужик просыпается с жуткого бодунища, разлепляет глаза и видит - в квартире чистота, порядок, завтрак на столе, бутылочка холодного пива его ждет. У дочери спрашивает: - Послушай, что происходит, я же вчера пьяный пришел? - Вчера, когда мама повела тебя в ванную, ты ее отпихнул и сказал: "Отвали... Im richtigen Moment die richtigen Worte finden: Ein Typ wacht morgens völlig verkatert in seinem Bett auf. Er zwingt sich dazu, die Augen zu oeffnen. Das Erste, was er neben sich auf dem Nachttisch sieht, ist eine Packung Aspirin und ein Glas Wasser. Er setzt sich auf den Bettrand und sieht... Jurgen, een man van middelmatige leeftijd, werd op een dag wakker met een onmenselijke kater. Het eerste wat hij ziet is een glas met water naast zijn bed en enkele aspirientjes. Hij slikt die in,... Oscar se despierta en casa con una resaca monumental. Se esfuerza en abrir los ojos, y lo primero que ve es un par de aspirinas y un vaso de agua en la mesita de noche. Se sienta y ve su ropa toda... Egy férfi iszonyú másnaposan ébred fel. Próbál erőt venni magán, hogy felkeljen az ágyból. Az ágya mellett talál két szem aszpirint egy pohár vízzel. A széken kikészítve tiszta, vasalt ruha, az... La 3 noaptea vine John acasa beat mort, injurand, cu urme de batalie. Se-mpleticeste-n hol, varsa pe mocheta, mai darama cateva obiecte neidentificate, pe cateva le sparge, ajunge cu fruntea-n usa... Egy pasi iszonyú fejfájással, másnaposan ébred. Az ágya mellett aszpirin egy pohár vízzel. A széken kikészítve tiszta, vasalt ruha. Az asztalon egy üzenet: "Drágám, reggeli az asztalon. Elmentem... O marido chega bebado em casa tarde da noite,derruba um vaso de flores,vomita no tapete,derruba a tv e vai se deitar,ja de manha ele acorda com café na cama e um bilhete de sua mulher que dizia:... Tener un marido asi no tiene precio... El hombre despertó aquella mañana con una tremenda cruda. La noche anterior se había pegado una parranda fuera de casa.... Bebió como un loco, ni siquiera se... Un homme rentre chez lui complètement bourré a 4h du matin. À son réveil, il constate que ça femme lui à préparé le petit déjeuné. Il lui demande : - Tu m'as fait le petit déjeuner ? - Oui... -... Трпе се враќа камен пијан дома и одеднаш губи свест. Се буди сабајлето, на ништо не се сеќава. Оди низ дневната гледа се искршено. Телевизорот на парчиња, прозорци искршени, врата откорната. Лом....
Christmas Jokes Coffee Jokes
Charlie's wife, Lucy, had been after him for several weeks to paint the seat on their toilet. Finally, he got around to doing it while Lucy was out. After finishing, he left to take care of another matter before she returned.
She came in and undressed to take a shower. Before getting in the shower, she sat on the toilet. As she tried to stand up, she realized that the not-quite-dry epoxy paint had glued her to the toilet seat.
About that time, Charlie got home and realized her predicament.
They both pushed and pulled without any success whatsoever.
Finally, in desperation, Charlie undid the toilet seat bolts. Lucy wrapped a sheet around herself and Charlie drove her to the hospital emergency room.
The ER Doctor got her into a position where he could study how to free her.
Lucy tried to lighten the embarrassment of it all by saying, "Well, Doctor, I'll bet you've never seen anything like this before."
The Doctor replied, "Actually, I've seen lots of them. I just never saw one mounted and framed."
Medical and Doctor Jokes