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Investigators at a major research institute have discovered the heaviest element known to science. This startling new discovery has been tentatively named Administratium (Ad).
 The new element has no protons or electrons, thus having an atomic number of 0. It does, however, have 1 neutron, 125 assistant neutrons, 75 vice neutrons, and 111 assistant vice neutrons, for an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by a force called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Since it has no electrons, Administratium is inert.
 However, it can be detected as it impedes every reaction with which it came into contact.
 According to the discoverers, a minute amount of Administratium causes one reaction to take over four days to complete when it would normally take less than a second. Administratium has a normal half-life of approximately three years; it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons, viceneutrons, and assistant vice neutrons exchange places. In fact, an Administratium sample's mass will actually increase over time, since with each reorganization some of the morons inevitably become neutrons, forming new isotopes. This characteristic of моrоn promotion
 leads some scientists to speculate that Administratium is formed whenever morons reach a certain concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as the "Critical Morass".
Science jokes Sci-Fi Jokes Military Jokes
The government recently noticed that it had too many generals in the army and offered an early retirement bonus.
They promised any general who retired right away, his full annual benefits plus $10,000 for every inch measured in a straight line along the retiring general's body between any two points he chose.
The first general accepted. He asked the pension man to measure from the top of his head to the tip of his toes 6 feet.
He walked out with a check for $720,000.
The second general asked them to measure from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes 8 feet.
He walked away with a check $960,000.
When the third general was asked where to measure, he told the pension man, "from my index finger of the left foot to the thumb, that's it."
The pension man said that would be fine but "My God!" he said, "where is your thumb?!"
The general replied, "Back in Iraq!"
Military Jokes Office and Work Jokes Money jokes God Jokes Men jokes Old People Jokes Political Jokes
THIS PRETTY MUCH DEFINES All OF MY FRIENDS ON FACEBOOK
1) The “Rooster” - Feels that it is his/her job to tell Facebook “Good Morning” every day.
2) The “Lurker” - never likes or comments on my post, but reads everything, and might make reference to my status if they…see me in public.
3) The “Hyena” - Doesn’t ever really say anything,just LOLs and LMAOs at everything.
4) “Mr/Ms Popular” - Has 4,367 friends for NO reason.
5) The “Gamer” - Plays FarmVille, Mafia Wars, Bakes virtual cakes and stuff, etc., ALL DAY. (My wife)
6) The “Cynic” - Hates their life, and everything in it, as evidenced by the somber tone in ALL of their status updates.
7) The “Collector” - Never posts anything either, but joins every group and becomes a fаn of the most random stuff.
8) The “Promoter” - Always sends event invitations to things that I ultimately delete or ignore.
9) The “Liker” - Never actually says anything, but always clicks the “like” button.
10) “Drama Queen/ King” - This person always posts stuff like “I can’t believe this!”, or “They gonna make me snap today!”, in the hope that I will ask what happened, or what’s wrong…but then they never finish telling the story.
11) The “News” - Always updates me on what they are doing and who they are doing it with, no matter how arbitrary, and Lastly….
12) The “Thief” - Steals my status updates… and will probably steal this one.. ….Which one are you??
Facebook Jokes News and Politics Jokes Friendship Jokes Internet Jokes
Се е исто. - Жената май предаде Богу дух. От седмица сексът е същият, обаче чиниите се трупат... - Comment savoir si votre femme est morte? Vous baisez toujours autant, mais la vaisselle sale s'empile. Komt een man bij de dokter en zegt: dokter ik denk dat mijn vrouw dood is!?! Vraagt de dokter: waarom denkt u dat? Zegt de man: nou de seks is hetzelfde maar de afwas blijft maar staan… Question: How can you tell if your wife is dead? Answer: The sex will be the same but the dishes will pile up. Hvordan ved du, at din kone er døde? – Jeres sex er det samme, men opvasken er begyndt at vokse i håndvasken Che cosa pensi se tua moglie muore? Il sesso e’ lo stesso ma la pila di piatti e’ in aumento. Che cosa pensi se muore tuo marito? Il sesso e’ lo stesso ma conquisti il telecomando. Hvordan du forstår at kona er dau? Sexen er som vanlig men oppvasker samler seg opp.. Jak poznáte, že je vaše žena mrtvá? Sex je pořád stejný, ale v kuchyni se hromadí špinavé nádobí. - Să ştii că am impresia că nevastă-mea a murit. - Eşti sigur? - Nu ştiu ce să spun. În pat este ca înainte, doar că se adună vasele nespălate în bucătărie de vreo săptămînă! Død kone Hvordan opdager man at Ens kone er død? Hun knepper som Hun plejer, men Opvasken vokser og vokser! I finally determined that my girlfriend has been dead for a while… The sεx is the same but the dishes are starting to pile up. Undertaker to bereaved husband. When did you 1st notice your wife was dead? Well he replies, "The sex was the same but the dishes were starting too pile up."
Sex Jokes Marriage and Family Jokes Men jokes Sick and Death Jokes
В библиотеката: Книги за самоубиство Ръководство на самоубиеца В библиотеке: В библиотеката: A man goes into a library and asks where he can find books on suicide. ‘First row on the left,’ replied the librarian. The man replies, ‘But I’ve already looked in that section. It’s empty.’ ‘I’m not surprised,’ says the librarian. ‘They don’t often bring them back.' Un hombre llega a una biblioteca y pide sacar un libro sobre suicidios. La bibliotecaria le dice: "Sí, hombre... y ¿quién lo devuelve?" V knihovně: „Prosím vás, kde máte nějaké knihy o sebevraždách?” „Pátý regál zleva, střední police.” „Ale tam není žádná kniha!” „Vidíte, jací jsou lidi! Půjčí si a nevrátí!” Un tip la biblioteca: - Fiti amabila, vreau si eu o carte despre sinucideri! - Fugi d-aici, ca tu n'o mai aduci inapoi! Man komt bij een bibliotheek. “Mevrouw, ik ben op zoek naar een boek over zelfmoord”. Vrouw achter de balie: “En dan nooit meer terugbrengen zeker? Flikker op..” В бібліотеці: — Де я можу знайти книжки про самогубства? — На п’ятій полиці зліва. — Але там немає жодної книги. — Та їх просто ніхто не повертає...
Men vs Women Jokes Men jokes
There once was a queen of Bulgaria
Whose bush had grown hary and hairier,
Till a prince from Peru
Who came up for a screw
Had to hunt for her c*nt with a terrier.
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The last time I dined with the King
He did quite a curious thing:
He sat on a stool
And took out his тооl,
And said, “If I play, will you sing?”
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There once was a guy named Dave,
Who dug up a whоrе from a grave.
She was moldy and sh1tty,
And only had one titty
But look at the money he saved!
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A lady who lives in Madras
Has a truly magnificent аss.
It is not round and pink,
As you probably think,
But is grey, has long ears, and eats grass.
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My back aches, my рussy is sore,
I simply can’t fсuк any more,
I’m covered with sweat,
And you haven’t come yet,
And my God, it’s a quarter to four!
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Said a dainty young whоrе named Miss Meggs,
“The men like to spread my two legs,
Then slip in between,
If you know what I mean,
And leave me the white of their eggs.”
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There was a young fellow named Rummy
Who delighted in whipping his duммy.
He played pocket pool
With his happy old tool
Till his shorts and his pants were all cummy
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There once was a man from Madras
whose ваlls were spun out of brass
When he rubbed them together
They played “Stormy Weather”
And lightning shot out of his ass
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Two roosters in one of our pens
Found their рriскs were no larger than wens.
As they looked at their foreskins
And wished they had more skins,
They discovered they’d both become hens.
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A bather whose clothing was strewed
By breezes that left her quite nudе,
Saw a man come along,
And, unless I am wrong,
You expected this line to be lewd.
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There was a young lady called Dawn
Who wished she had never been born.
She wouldn’t have been
If her father had seen
That the end of his rubber was torn.
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There once was a woman from Wheeling
Who had a funny hоrny feeling
So she laid on her back
And tickled her сrаск,
And squirted all over the ceiling!
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There was a young lady named Brewer
Who was riding a bike when it threw her.
A man saw her there
With her legs in the air
And seized the occasion to sсrеw her.
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