Dating Jokes

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There once was this guy who was going on a date to the movies with a beautiful girl. Before he went, he made the mistake of eating a jumbo can of beans. Right after he picked her up, he felt the need to fаrт, but he figured he could wait until they got to the movies.
When they got there, he asked her if she wanted some popcorn and Coke. She said sure, so he went to the restroom. The line was long, so he went back to the lobby, got the food, and went back into the theatre.
When the movie was over, he goes to the bathroom again, still with a tremondously long line. So he figures he can wait until he drops her off.
When they pull up into her driveway, she exclaims, ''Oh goodie. My grandparents are here. Come on in and meet them.''
He agrees, although his A-hole is about to cry at this point.
They go in and sit down at the table. Finally, he couldn't hold it in any longer a tried to let it seep out a little at a time. As he squeezed out a toxic blast, he aimed it towards the family's hound dog Duke, in hopes that they might blame the pooch for the horrendous fаrт. The girl's father stands up and hollers ''Duke!!'' and sits back down.
''Great!'' he thought. ''They really think it's the dog!'' So, he starts bombarding the room with a couple, more powerful, louder stinkers.
Once again, the girl's father stands up, shouts ''Duke!!'' and sits back down.
Finally, he lets it all go and the loudest most hair-curling fаrт you've ever heard or smelt rippled through the dining room. The girl's father stands up again. ''Duke, get the hеll out from under him before he shiтs on you!!''
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Възрастна жена разхождала съпруга си с кола извън града, когато я спряла пътна полиция. - Госпожо, карате с превишена скорост... Ein Ehepaar ging einmal nach London, um Ferien zu machen. Als sie dort in einem Pub sassen, kam ein Engländer zu ihnen und fragte: "Where are you from?", und der Mann antwortete: "We are from Switzerland." Da die Frau kein Englisch konnte, fragte sie ihren Mann, was sie denn gesagt haben.... An old couple gets pulled over and... Lady cop:"May I see you license and registration sir?" Old man:"Ugh, what did she say?" Old wife:"She needs to see you license and registration dear." The old man hands it to the lady cop and... Lady cop:"Oh, I see you are from New York. I used to have a... Poliisi pysäytti 80 v. pariskunnan ja mummo oli vähän huonokuuloinen. Poliisi kysyi rekisteriotetta papalta Mummo kysyi heti ”Mitä se kysy?” Pappa vastasi, että ”rekisteriotetta”. Seuraavaksi...
An elderly couple was driving across the country. While the woman was behind the wheel, the couple was pulled over by the highway patrol.
“Ma’am, did you know you were speeding?” the officer said.
The woman, hard of hearing, turned to her husband and asked, “What did he say?”
“He said you were speeding!” the old man yelled.
The patrolman then asked, “May I see your license?”
The woman turned to her husband again, “What did he say?”
The old man yelled back, “He wants to see your license!”
The woman then gave the officer her license.
“I see you are from Arkansas,” the patrolman said. “I spent some time there once and went on a blind date with the ugliest woman I’ve ever seen.”
The woman turned to her husband again and asked, “What did he say?”
The old man replied, “He said he knows you!
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A woman starts dating a doctor. She eventually becomes pregnant and they don't know what to do. About nine months later, just about the time she is going to give birth, a priest goes into the hospital for a prostate gland infection. The doctor says to the woman, "I know what we'll do. After I've operated on the priest, I'll give the baby to him and tell him it was a miracle." "Do you think it will work?" she asks. "It's worth a try," he says. The doctor delivers the baby and then operates on the priest. After the operation, he goes to the priest and says, "Father, you're not going to believe this." "What happened?" asks the priest. "You gave birth to a child!" "But that's impossible!" says the priest. "I just did the operation," insists the doctor. "It's a miracle! Here's your baby." About 15 years go by, and the priest realizes he must tell his son the truth. One day, he sits the boy down and says, "Son, I have something to tell you. I'm not your father." The son says, "What do you mean, you're not my father?" The priest replies, "I am your mother. The archbishop is your father."
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An old couple returning from Florida cross the border. The customs agent ask the man "did you buy anything while in the US. the man answers no. the man's wife asks her husband "what did he say?". the man tells his wife "the agent wants to know if we bought anything". the customs agent asks... Traveling through the country, an old couple drives into a gas station. The attendant asks the old man, "Where you folks from? I know everybody in this town." The old man says, "We're from...
An elderly couple in their 80's were going to Florida.
At the border, the customs officer asks where they were going.
The wife says "what did he say".
The husband turns to the wife and says the customs officer wants to know where we are going.
He then tells the officer that we are going to Florida.
The customs officer now asks how long they were going to Florida for.
The wife says "what did he say".
The husband turns to the wife and says the customs officer wants to know how long we are going to Florida for.
The husband tells the officer that they were going for 2 months.
The customs officer then asks where they were coming from.
The wife says "what did he say".
The husband turns to his wife and says the customs officer wants to know where we were coming from.
The husband tells the officer that they were from Hamilton.
The customs officer thinks for a minute and tells the husband that he had dated a lady from Hamilton and she was the worst piece of аss he ever had.
The wife says "what did he say".
The husband turns to his wife and says "He thinks he knows you".
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Момче и момиче се целували в кола извън града. Курва и таксист парень с девушкой занимаются сексом в машине, где-то в лесу.... Endlich hat der flotte Erwin ein Mädchen aufgegabelt. Un uomo ed una donna sono in auto in un posto isolato e stanno per fare quel che un uomo ed una donna farebbero se fossero parcheggiati in una stradina sperduta lontana dalla città quando la donna blocca l'uomo e dice: “Mi dispiace non avertelo detto prima, ma io mi faccio pagare per queste cose...
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