Old People Jokes

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What’s an old man’s favourite food
Wrinkled onions

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When a family friend passed away, my granddaughter took her three-year-old son to visit the widow. As they approached the front door, she whispered to the boy, “Make sure to tell her how sorry you are.”
He whispered back, “Why? I didn’t кill him.”

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Little Johnny walks in on his grandfather smoking a cigar.
“May I smoke a cigar?” Asks Johnny.
The grandpa replies “Well, does your diск touch your аsshоlе?”
Johnny replied “No.” and left the room.
The next day Johnny sees his Grandpa getting into a car.
“Can I drive the car?” Asks Johnny.
“Does your diск touch your аsshоlе?”
“No.”
The day after that, Granpa sees Johnny about to eat a cookie.
“Johnny, may I have some of your cookie?” Asked the grandpa.
“Does your diск touch your аsshоlе, grandpa?”
“Yep.”
“Then go fuск yourself, this is my cookie.”

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It want to die like my grandpa, with a blindfold and a wet sponge on his head

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I want to die in my sleep, like grandpa did, not screaming and crying like the people on the bus he drove.

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My grandpa said I’m too reliant on technology… so I screamed that he was a hypocrite and I unplugged his life support…

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At school, bobby boy’s classmate tells him some depressing stuff. Later that day, bobby comes home crying and his mom greets him at the door with “why are you crying”. Bobby says “someone said my grandpa died, but when did he die”. His mom looks him straight in the eye and says “depends, which one are you referring to?”

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Why do old people like golf?
Just like in their life, the goal is to get the least amount of strokes before you go in the hole

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Why do old people love golf?
It’s all about getting the least strokes

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What do kids yell at old people who are just trying to play?
Get off my lan!

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Why do we give mud baths to old people?
To get them used to dirt.

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Why do you see a lot more old people attending church than you see young people?
Cramming for the final.

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What kid of music do old people listen to?
Hip-Pop

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Old people love
My grandma rubbed butter on granddad's feet when he was ill. He went downhill fast after that.

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A couple in an old people’s home we’re having an argument, Margaret found out Egbert had been cheating. Egbert did love a hаndjов.
Margaret said to Egbert ‘What does Dorothy have that I don’t?
Egbert replied ‘Parkinsons’.

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What’s the difference between necrophilia and old people fetish?
A couple of weeks.
(Source: h3h3 comments)

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What do you call a match-making service for realy old people?
"Carbon-Dating"

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The 200m sprint world record for 100+ years old people has been improved today!
It is now 163m.

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