Old People Jokes

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Why do old people love golf?
It’s all about getting the least strokes

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What do kids yell at old people who are just trying to play?
Get off my lan!

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Why do we give mud baths to old people?
To get them used to dirt.

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When Amy Schumer was growing up and she told people that she wanted to be a comedian, people laughed at her.
No one is laughing now.

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What kid of music do old people listen to?
Hip-Pop

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Old people love
My grandma rubbed butter on granddad's feet when he was ill. He went downhill fast after that.

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A couple in an old people’s home we’re having an argument, Margaret found out Egbert had been cheating. Egbert did love a hаndjов.
Margaret said to Egbert ‘What does Dorothy have that I don’t?
Egbert replied ‘Parkinsons’.

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What’s the difference between necrophilia and old people fetish?
A couple of weeks.
(Source: h3h3 comments)

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What do you call a match-making service for realy old people?
"Carbon-Dating"

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The 200m sprint world record for 100+ years old people has been improved today!
It is now 163m.

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I like to play chess with old people in the park.
Although I will admit that it is difficult to round up 32 of them and get them to play in costume.

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Old people kept poking me at weddings and saying "You are next"
So at funerals I do the same to them

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My grandfather, who served in Vietnam, asked me what sticks to young and old people alike:
Apparently nараlм wasn’t the answer.

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A new Pirates of the Caribbean movie is like old people nudiтy at the public swimming pool.
You don't want to see it but you still end up seeing it anyway.

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Why do a lot of old people move to Florida?
Because they hate liberal snowflakes.

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Do old people wear boxers or briefs?
Depends.

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Can we start a national walkout for old people who try to pay for things with the exact amount of coins?
I've been waiting for change for too long.

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A teacher asked me why my daughter's name was so weird...
She asked why I had spelled it like E. M. M. A instead of just Emma, and I said that it describes the phrase that I told people when I let them know my SO was pregnant,
"Everyone. Makes. Mistakes. Alright?"

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