One Liner Jokes, Short jokes

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What tree is thriving in this depressed economy? The weeping will owe.

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A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car.
Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting.
The trooper cranked down his window and yelled to the driver--"PULL OVER!"
"NO!" the blonde yelled back, "SCARF!"

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Lawyer: "Is it a сriме to throw sodium in your enemy's eyes?"
Judge: "Yes, that's аssаulт."
Lawyer: "I know it's a salt but is it a сriме?"

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Sam (boasting about his hunting trip): "All of a sudden I spotted a leopard..."
Pam: "You can’t kid me, they come that way!"

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I don’t always go the extra mile...
But when I do, it's because I missed my exit!

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My wife asked me if I could clear the kitchen table.
I had to get a running start, but I made it!

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When do you congratulate someone for their mistake?
On their Wedding Day!

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Scary! Creepy! Will you survive the horror? ...

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If you woke up this morning, it means Chuck Norris spared your life.

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What do you see when the smog lifts in Los Angeles?
U. C. L. A...

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Two kids were deciding what game to play.
One said, “Let’s play doctor!”
“Good idea,” said the other. “You be the doctor who operates, and I’ll be the patient who sues.”

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Replenishing one's stock of mints can be a mo' mentos occasion.

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During self isolation..
Dogs: "Oh My god, you're here all day and this is the best as I can love you, see you, be with you and follow you! I am so excited because you are the greatest and I love you being here so much!

Cats: "What the hеll are you still doing here?"

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"On Halloween, what is the most read part of a newspaper? The 'Horrorscope.'"

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What did the blonde say when she woke-up underneath a соw? Why are you guys still here?

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Young Simon was sitting in his grandmother's kitchen, watching her prepare the Thanksgiving meal.
'What are you doing?' Simon enquired.
'Oh, I'm just stuffing the turkey,' his grandmother replied.
'Wow, that's cool.' Simon remarked. 'Are you going to hang it next to the deer?'

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Walter: I ain't afraid of the cops around Santa Ana. You seen some of these guys? What, cops on bicycles?
How intimidating is this: Alright buddy, pull it over. Ching-ching-ching? What do they do when they arrest somebody? Alright, get in the basket.

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A salesman, tired of his job, gave it up to become a policeman.
Several months later, a friend asked him how he liked his new role.
"Well," he replied, "the pay is good and the hours aren't bad, but what I like best is that the customer is always wrong."

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