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What do you get when you offer a blonde a penny for his thoughts?
Change.
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Q: Why do ghosts go on diets?
A: So they can keep their ghoulish figures Q: What does a panda ghost eat?
A: Bam-BOO! Q: Why don’t mummies take time off?
A: They’re afraid to unwind. Q: Why did the zombie skip school?
A: He felt rotten. Q: What is a vampire’s favorite fruit?
A: A blood orange. Q: Where do baby ghosts go during the day?
A: Dayscare centers! Q: Why did the headless horseman go into business?
A: He wanted to get ahead in life. Q: What kind of music do mummies like listening to on Halloween?
A: Wrap music. Q: Why don’t mummies have friends?
A: Because they’re too wrapped up in themselves. Q: Why did the vampire read the newspaper?
A: He heard it had great circulation. Q: What’s it like to be kissed by a vampire?
A: It’s a pain in the neck. Q: What’s it called when a vampire has trouble with his house?
A: A grave problem. Q: What do you call a cleaning skeleton?
A: The grim sweeper. Q: Q: Why did the vampire need mouthwash?
A: Because he had bat breath. Q: What do you call a witch’s garage?
A: A broom closet. Q: What kind of food would you find on a haunted beach?
A: A sand-witch! Q: What's a witch's favorite makeup?
A: Ma-scare-a. Q: Who helps the little pumpkins cross the road safely?
A: The crossing gourd. Q: What treat do eye doctors give out on Halloween?
A: Candy corneas. Q: What type of plants do well on all Hallow’s Eve?
A: Bam-BOO! Q: Why don’t skeletons ever go trick or treating?
A: Because they have no-body to go with.
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I DON'T THINK THERE WILL BE ENOUGH COFFEE OR MIDDLE FINGERS FOR THIS MONDAY!
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11 snoozes into the Monday alarm clock and you wondering if the $38 left in your account will do you for the rest of your life if you quit
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An irish blonde lady went to the doctor, complaining that the Pill kept falling off.
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“Why did the doctor accept a new patient? He figured he might as well give him a shot.”
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Chuck Norris can drink soup with a fork faster than you can beg for mercy.
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Man:
"Oh Guru! Why is it that when I open my eyes in bed at night, I see an aura light around my wife's head? What does it all mean spiritually?"
Guru:
"She's checking your cellphone."
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Are the French known to waffle on their decisions?
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I was reading about this new diet where youre not allowed to drink alcohol. Well, I read the first sentence at least.
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I forgot to turn off the lights again. I feel like a more on.
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I lost five pounds just by farting. Finally I see the air of my weighs.
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Difficulties translating the Rosetta Stone runed many archeologists' careers.
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Shakespeare tried to get into acting school, but he was bard.
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I sell plastic pens. I'm kind of a Bic deal.
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I'm seeking a new financial services provider for my deer friend. I'm looking for the most bank for my buck.
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Many professional sculptors complain of extreme pain when listening to Clay Aiken.
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Hisspanics are afraid of snakes.
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