One Liner Jokes, Short jokes

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Q. Why was there lipstick on the blonde's steering wheel?A. She tried to вlоw the horn.

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Two kids are talking one day.
One asks the other, "What does your father do?"
"He's a lawyer."
"Honest?," the first asks incredulously
"No, just a regular lawyer."

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Did you hear about the blonde that almost caused a car accident? The spare tire in his trunk blew out.

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My girl wants to change the engagement rules. She tells me, Ваве, why do I got to wear a ring and let guys know Im taken, and you dont got to wear nothing? I told her, Ваве, I wear my sad face every day.

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Did you hear that the post office had to recall a recent stamp release?
The stamps had pictures of lawyers on them and people couldn't figure out which side to spit on.

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Who always wears a strap-on? .

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My daughter was doing her homework and asked me what I knew about Galileo.
I, proudly and confidently, told her that he was just a poor boy from a poor family.

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We come Bering good tidings: This year we pledge to insult Alaskans. It's our New Year's razz Aleutian.

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Q: What did the реnis say to the соndом?
A: "Cover me. I'm going in."

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Wife: "What are you doing?"
Husband : Nothing.
Wife : "Nothing...? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour."
Husband : "I was looking for the expiration date."

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My girlfriend dumped me, so I stole her wheelchair
Guess who came crawling back

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Have you seen the current remake of the movie 'Cape Fear?'
It's about a deranged psychotic who is seeking revenge against a lawyer.
The question is, while watching the movie, for whom do you root?

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Mary: My daughter believes in preventative medicine, doctor. Doctor: Oh, really? Mary: Yes, she tries to prevent me from making her take it!

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Saw a great product advertised -- it was a hearing aid made to look like a Bluetooth headset. Its for people who are embarrassed about wearing a hearing aid but not about wearing a Bluetooth headset.

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Why did the blonde get fired from the M&M factory?
She kept throwing away all the W's!

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Chuck Norris runs until the treadmill gets tired.

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Bobbie to neighbor: “What are you getting your children for Christmas?”
Neighbor: “Well, if my husband doesn’t stop staying out until three in the morning, I’ll give them a new dad.”

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I don't think any would stick. I shouldn't be spreading such bad puns and drive everyone nuts. Any one butter than me? Did you hear the joke about the peanut butter? I`m not teling you. You might spread it! Why did the girl smear peanut butter on the road? Because she`s nuts! How is a dumb blonde like peanut butter? They spread for the bread. I told my girlfriend I was breaking up with her because she had peanut butter legs. She asked,
"What do you mean?" I said,
"Your legs are nice and smooth and easy to spread like peanut butter." What`s the feepng you get after popshing a peanut? Post nut clarity. Why are peanuts afraid of going out? They`re afraid of getting a-salted. When can peanuts laugh? When you сrаск them up! What kind of sandwiches do sharks eat? Peanut butter and Jellyfish Where do peanut drivers go to fill their tanks? The Shell station! What do you call a peanut in a spacesuit? An astro-nut! What did applesauce say to peanut butter? You`re Nutty! Photo by Corleto Peanut butter on Unsplash

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