One Liner Jokes, Short jokes

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So grateful somebody invented window blinds...
Or it would be curtains for all of us!

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A mighty сrаск was heard around the world as Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the supercontinent, Pangaea, beginning continental drift.

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Buckwheat of the Little Rascals fame grew up, became a Muslim, and changed his name. He now goes by Kareem of Wheat.

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Heres how you play: on your drive home tonight... when you get, like, 15, 20 minutes away from your house, take an Ambien -- and then just try to beat it. Really fun, and it makes the last part of the drive go really fast, you guys.

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Chuck Norris was once charged with three attempted murders, but the Judge dropped the charges because Chuck Norris doesn't "attempt" мurdеr.

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How do you make a blonde a brunette? Turn her upside down

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A bunch of lawyers were sitting around the office playing poker.
"I win!" said Johnson.
Henderson threw down his cards. "That's it! I've had it! Johnson is cheating!!!"
"How can you tell?" Phillips asked.
"Those aren't the cards I dealt him!"

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Q: What is the definition of eternity?
A: Four blondes in four cars at a four-way stop.

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Bill: Where did you get that gold watch Joe?
Joe: I won it in a race.
Bill: How many people participated in it?
Joe: Three, a policeman, the owner of the watch, and me!

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Man is incomplete until he’s married.
Then he’s finished.

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Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.

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When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.

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BLONDE: "Excuse me, what time is it right now?"
WOMAN: "It's 11:25PM."
BLONDE: (confused look on face) "You know, it's the weirdest thing, I've asked that question thirty times today, and every time someone gives me a different answer."

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Dressed as "El Niño" for Halloween

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This is how my week goes. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, FridaySaturdaySunday.

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A Chuck Norris edition of Clue was to be released, but the answer was always:
"Chuck Norris. In The Library. With a Roundhouse Kick."

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Patient: Doctor, you must help me. I'm under such a lot of stress, I keep losing my temper with people.
Doctor: Tell me about your problem.
Patient: I just did, didn't I, you sтuрid fool!!

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A blonde got a deck of playing cards as a gift but she couldn't find anyone to play solitaire with.

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