One Liner Jokes, Short jokes

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Chuck Norris was once charged with three attempted murders, but the Judge dropped the charges because Chuck Norris doesn't "attempt" мurdеr.

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How do you make a blonde a brunette? Turn her upside down

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A bunch of lawyers were sitting around the office playing poker.
"I win!" said Johnson.
Henderson threw down his cards. "That's it! I've had it! Johnson is cheating!!!"
"How can you tell?" Phillips asked.
"Those aren't the cards I dealt him!"

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Bill: Where did you get that gold watch Joe?
Joe: I won it in a race.
Bill: How many people participated in it?
Joe: Three, a policeman, the owner of the watch, and me!

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Man is incomplete until he’s married.
Then he’s finished.

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Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.

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When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.

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`You seem to be in some distress,' said the kindly judge to the witness. `Is anything the matter?'
`Well, your Honor,' said the witness, `I swore to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, but every time I try, some lawyer objects.'

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BLONDE: "Excuse me, what time is it right now?"
WOMAN: "It's 11:25PM."
BLONDE: (confused look on face) "You know, it's the weirdest thing, I've asked that question thirty times today, and every time someone gives me a different answer."

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Dressed as "El Niño" for Halloween

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This is how my week goes. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, FridaySaturdaySunday.

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A Chuck Norris edition of Clue was to be released, but the answer was always:
"Chuck Norris. In The Library. With a Roundhouse Kick."

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A blonde got a deck of playing cards as a gift but she couldn't find anyone to play solitaire with.

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Why did the blonde try and steal a police car? A: She saw "911" on the back and thought it was a Porsche.

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What does a blonde have in common with a noodle? A: They both wiggle when you eat them.

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What do you call blonde twins doing bubble gum commercials? Double-dumb. Submitted by CalamjoEdited by Curtis

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A lawyer is settling accounts with his client.
"Let's do it this way," he says,
"Pay me $5000 now and then $400 a month."
"Gee," the client says,
"I feel like I'm paying for a car."
Lawyer replies,
"You are! And it's a nice one too."

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What did the blondes left leg say to her right leg?
Between the two of us, we can make a lot of money.

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