One Liner Jokes, Short jokes

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A company owner was asked a question, "How do you motivate your employees to be so punctual?"
He smiled & replied, "It's simple. I have 30 employees and 29 free parking spaces. One is paid parking."

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The renegade employee who defecated in an aquarium was accused of sharking his doodies.

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Boy 1:
"As long as you are in school, two things will always be your friends."
Boy 2:
"Who are they?
Boy1:
"Classwork and Homework!"

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Chuck Norris shot Bon Jovi in the heart for giving love a bad name.

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Chuck Norris knows what the double rainbow means.

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Chuck Norris won't fight Justin Bieber because he doesn't hit girls.

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What goes "Vroom... Screech... Vroom... Screech... Vroom... Screech?" A blonde at a flashing red light.

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Lady (to her doctor):
"What l am worried about is my height and not my weight."
Doctor:
"How come?"
Lady:
"According to my weight, my height should be 7 feet, 8 inches."

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Why did the blonde wear condoms on her ears? A: So she wouldn't get Hearing Aides.

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A cowboy was walking down the street with his new pet dachshund. The passerby asked him why a cowboy would own that kind of dog. The cowboy answered, "Well, somebody told me to get along little doggie."

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Which country is filled with very poor singers? Singapore.

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Cop: So, I’m writing you a ticket for driving alone in the carpool lane.
Criminal: You’re going to feel really sтuрid when you look in my trunk!

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"The man who was shot is named Harry Whittington. He's a high powered Republican lawyer, he was very lucky. They say the only reason that he wasn't killed is he was wearing the body armor that never got shipped to our troops." -- Jimmy Kimmel

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Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks? A: It takes too long to retrain them.

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I was out last Sunday -- I didnt see any signs, nobody to ask, so I lit a cigarette. This woman lost all control of her воdily functions. Put it out, please, put it out. I turned around -- she was three pews away!

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Q: What goes stop, go, stop, go, stop, go?
A: A blonde at a flashing red light.

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Two blondes are walking down the road when one says, "Look at that dog with one eye!"
The other blonde covers one of her eyes and says, "Where?"

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Employer: "We need someone responsible for the job."
"Sir your search ends here! In my previous job whenever something went wrong,everybody said I was responsible."

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