One Liner Jokes, Short jokes

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An obstetrician delivers a baby for a beautiful young woman. The baby has blue eyes, blonde hair, black skin and narrowed eye groves.
"You should be more careful with the оrgiеs you have" - the doctor says.
"I just thank God he is not barking" - she answered.

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What do you call a person who assists a criminal in breaking the law before the criminal gets arrested? An accomplice. What do you call a person who assists a criminal in breaking the law after the criminal gets arrested? A lawyer.

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The Local sheriff was looking for a new deputy. When a blonde walks in to try for the job, he asks her "Okay, what is 1 and 1?"

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NED: I thought I saw a walrus on the beach!
ED: Nah, that was just a seal lyin'.

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Using dirтy Q-tips is ear-rash-ional.

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You know how to you make God laugh?
Tell him your plans.

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Sue and Jane are shopping together at the supermarket. When they get to the vegetables, Sue hefts a good sized potato in each hand and says,
"You know, Jane, these remind me of John's ваlls."
Jane, impressed says,
"Hmm, that big, huh?"
"No", Sue answers. "That dirтy."

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Girl: I love you!
Boy: Hmm... And tell me, whats up??

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"Time separates the best of friends," said one women to another.
"How true," replied the other. "Twenty years ago we were fifteen, now you're thirty-five and I'm twenty-nine!"

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You know whats fun? You pick somebody at random, like out of the phone book, and send them about 100 Just Because cards. They cant even ask you why you did it.

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Radioactive cows are a glow bull phenomenon.

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"Waiter, there's a fly in my soup!"
"Don't worry, sir, the spider in your salad will get it."

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A pick pocket was up in court for a series of petty crimes.
The judge said "Mr. Banks you are hereby fined $100."
The lawyer stood up and said "Thanks, my lord, however my client only has $75 on him at this time, but if you'd allow him a few minutes in the crowd. . ."

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Q: What do smart blondes and UFO's have in common?
A: You always hear about them but never see them.

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“How did the policeman catch the grave robber? He crypt up on him.”

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I think they named oranges before they named carrots. What are these? Those are orange: oranges. What about these? Oh, sh*t. Long pointies? Well go by shape now?

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Comedys a tough job, man. Ive got friends who got cool jobs. One of my friends, hes a роrnо star. Guess how he got discovered? This girl sat on his lap, and she was like, Ooh, you should do роrnо! Same girl sat on my lap and was like, Ooh, you should tell jokes!

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Life insurance premiums are based on how far you live from Chuck Norris.

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