One Liner Jokes, Short jokes

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Chuck Norris once pushed a door that said,"pull."

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Chuck Norris doesn't mow his lawn, he dares his grass to grow.

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The US government is throwing away millions of unused stamps with pictures of favorite lawyers on them.
The people that use them don’t know which side to spit on!

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Chck Norris listens to "Requiem for a Tower" when he eats waffles.

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Rabbi 1: We've got to do something. Many of the young people in our synagogue are converting to the Quaker faith.
Rabbi 2: I've noticed that too. In fact, some of my best Jews are Friends!

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Know what I would like to do? Id travel back to when my mom and dad had sеx to have me. And Id just run into the bedroom, right when theyre doing it, and just spank my dad on the аss: Im your son from the future!

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The Toaster;
Other wise known as, the ultimate bath bomb.

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Chuck Norris doesn't brush his teeth, he scares the plaque off each morning by snarling in the mirror.

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I was actually thinking about buying a convertible... But then I thought, what if I was at a stoplight -- how would I avoid the homeless guy?

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In the back of the Guinness Book of World Records it states "All records are currently held by Chuck Norris, and the records listed in this book are only the records of those people who have come closest to Chuck Norris' records."

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Chuck Norris can win tic-tac-toe in one move.

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He: Why did you put on these high-heel shoes? It seems so inconvenient for you to walk.
She: I thought you liked tall girls.
He: I like clever girls.
She: That's why I've put on the glasses...

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A guy walks in to see his doctor, and the doctor asks, "What seems to be the problem?"
"I just can't seem to make friends with anyone," the guy replies. "Can you help me, you fат ugly ваsтаrd?"

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Chuck Norris beat Super Mario Brothers from right to left.

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Chuck Norris doesn't worry about changing his clock twice a year for daylight savings time. The sun rises and sets when Chuck tells it to.

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A blonde says to a brunette, "Excuse me, but each time I sip my coffee, my eye seems to hurt." The brunette says,
"Well, maybe you should take the spoon out of the cup."

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I have a new idea for a game show for people who are high, and its called Can You Remember What You Just Saw? Thats actually the bonus round. Round one is Can You Describe Whats in Front of You Right Now? OK, you got it? Were going to take it away. What was it? We will not accept awesome.

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I think that Vanna White got the best job ever. Is that not the best job? If I were a woman, I would want that job so bad. Like, thats her job! What a country -- she just turns letters. I turn letters, but only when they glow. Im not sтuрid.

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