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A guy walks in to see his doctor, and the doctor asks, "What seems to be the problem?"
"I just can't seem to make friends with anyone," the guy replies. "Can you help me, you fат ugly ваsтаrd?"
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Chuck Norris beat Super Mario Brothers from right to left.
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Chuck Norris doesn't worry about changing his clock twice a year for daylight savings time. The sun rises and sets when Chuck tells it to.
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I have a new idea for a game show for people who are high, and its called Can You Remember What You Just Saw? Thats actually the bonus round. Round one is Can You Describe Whats in Front of You Right Now? OK, you got it? Were going to take it away. What was it? We will not accept awesome.
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I think that Vanna White got the best job ever. Is that not the best job? If I were a woman, I would want that job so bad. Like, thats her job! What a country -- she just turns letters. I turn letters, but only when they glow. Im not sтuрid.
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I play the worlds most dangerous sport.
I disagree with my wife.
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When Chuck Norris wants an egg, he cracks open a chicken.
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A reporter outside of a courtroom asked a defendant clad only in a barrel: “Oh, I see your attorney lost the case!”
The defendant answered, “No, we won.”
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Seduction Made Easy
Какво носят блондинките зад ушите си
Was legt sich eine Blondine hinter die Ohren
Qu'est-ce que les blondes se mettent derrière les oreilles pour être plus attractives ? Leurs chevilles !
Why does a blonde put perfume on her ankles? Because it ends up behind her ears anyway!
¿Qué se tienen que poner las mujeres en los hombros para estar atractivas?. Las rodillas.
Hvad tager en blondine bag ørerne for at virke mere attraktiv? – Benene.
Q: What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive?
A: Her ankles.
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Chuck Norris can hear sign language.
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Chuck Norris is ambidextrous.
He can do Roundhouse kicks with his left and right leg.
All at the same time.
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A blonde girl was talking to her redhead friend about her boyfriend's dandruff problem.
The redhead says "Why don't you give him Head and Shoulders?"
The blonde replies,
"How do you give shoulders?"
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Пожар
Някакъв се обажда в пожарната:
Блондинка предизвиква пожар в къщата си и звъни на пожарната. От там и отговарят:
"Ist da die Feuerwehr? Hier brennt es !" - "Keine Panik
Мужик звонит пожарным и орет: - Помогите! Мой дом горит! Быстрее сюда! Диспетчер: - Как к вам доехать?" Мужик: - Вы
A blonde comes home from a day of shopping and discovers that her house is on fire
Ein Anruf bei der Feuerwehr: “Hilfe bei mir brennt es!” Der Leitstellendisponent: “Ja
- Halló
O blonda Suna la pompieri ca sa raporteze un incendiu in cartier. Operatorul il intreaba: - Cum ajungem acolo? - Pai nu mai aveti masinile alea mari si Rosii?
Die Blondine ruft aufgeregt in den Telefonhörer: "Es brennt
Eine ältere Dame ruft die Feuerwehr an: "Es brennt! Es brennt! So kommen Sie doch! Es brennt! Es brennt!" Fragt der Feuerwehrmann: "Wie kommen wir denn zu Ihnen?" Fragt die Dame: "Ja - haben Sie...
A blonde's house was on fire, so she called 911 and started screaming, "Help me, please! My house is burning! Hurry!"
The operator said, "OK, calm down, and we'll be there soon. How do we get to your house?"
The blonde replied, "Duh, in that big red truck!"
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Q: Why did the blonde think it was Sunday?
A: Because the sun was out.
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Q: What's the difference between a man and a pig?
A: There's a difference?
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Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
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Google won't search for Chuck Norris because it knows... You don't find Chuck Norris; he finds you.
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There used to be a street named after Chuck Norris, but it was changed because nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives.
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