One Liner Jokes, Short jokes

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I play the worlds most dangerous sport.
I disagree with my wife.

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When Chuck Norris wants an egg, he cracks open a chicken.

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A reporter outside of a courtroom asked a defendant clad only in a barrel: “Oh, I see your attorney lost the case!”
The defendant answered, “No, we won.”

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Chuck Norris can hear sign language.

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Chuck Norris is ambidextrous.
He can do Roundhouse kicks with his left and right leg.
All at the same time.

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A blonde girl was talking to her redhead friend about her boyfriend's dandruff problem.
The redhead says "Why don't you give him Head and Shoulders?"
The blonde replies,
"How do you give shoulders?"

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What's the difference between a rooster and a lawyer?
The rooster clucks defiance.

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A blonde's house was on fire, so she called 911 and started screaming, "Help me, please! My house is burning! Hurry!"
The operator said, "OK, calm down, and we'll be there soon. How do we get to your house?"
The blonde replied, "Duh, in that big red truck!"

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Q: Why did the blonde think it was Sunday?
A: Because the sun was out.

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Q: What's the difference between a man and a pig?
A: There's a difference?

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Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.

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Google won't search for Chuck Norris because it knows... You don't find Chuck Norris; he finds you.

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Men are like a fine wine.
They all start out like grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something we'd want to have dinner with.

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The hоrny мidgет found that the best way to make time with women was to be direct about it. So he went up to the tallest blondest woman at the party and said, "Hey, honey, whaddaya say to a little f*ck?"
She looked down at him and promptly replied, "Hello, you little f*ck!"

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I think if youre gonna get a tattoo, just get one: the words, Im dumb. Thats it. That way in 10 years, when you go, Why did I get this?, you can be like, Oh, Im dumb!

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Turtle to turtle:
"Don't ya just love the sound of rain on your roof?"

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Monday - just like this guy just started cleaning the snow roof

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How can you tell a blonde's been in your fridge?
There is lipstick on the cucumber.

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