One Liner Jokes, Short jokes

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Men are like a fine wine.
They all start out like grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something we'd want to have dinner with.

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The hоrny мidgет found that the best way to make time with women was to be direct about it. So he went up to the tallest blondest woman at the party and said, "Hey, honey, whaddaya say to a little f*ck?"
She looked down at him and promptly replied, "Hello, you little f*ck!"

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I think if youre gonna get a tattoo, just get one: the words, Im dumb. Thats it. That way in 10 years, when you go, Why did I get this?, you can be like, Oh, Im dumb!

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Monday - just like this guy just started cleaning the snow roof

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How can you tell a blonde's been in your fridge?
There is lipstick on the cucumber.

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Do you know what always catches my eye? Short people with umbrellas

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Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards.
Chuck Norris can throw Brett Favre even further.

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Chuck Norris once gave a box of his old watches to a group of kids.
These kids are now known as the power rangers.

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A man was checking his itemised lawyers bill. One item read:
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Spotted you across the street. Crossed over to discuss a legal point in your case. When I got there it was not you after all. 20 dollars

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Patient: Doctor, I have a tendency to gain weight in certain places. What would you recommend?
Doctor: Stay out of those places!

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So I was in the chemist lab and I said to the assistant, “What gets rid of germs?”
She said,
"Ammonia cleaner."
I said,
"Oh sorry, I thought you worked here...”

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“Dispensed means to change from pounds to dollars.”

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Lawyers in the produce industry have a turnip-client privilege. So do the advocados.

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Chuck Norris once broke the land speed record on a bicycle that was missing its chain and the back tire.

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The teenage son was having trouble mastering the fine points of balancing his new checking account.
"The bank returned the check you wrote to the sporting goods store," his mother said.
"Oh good," he replied, "Now I can use it to buy some stereo equipment!"

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Guesse what?....... chicken butt

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Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

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Why are men like computers?
As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you'd waited a little longer you couldn't have gotten a better model!

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