One Liner Jokes, Short jokes

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Thirty ways to shape up for summer -- number one: eat less; number two: exercise more; number three... What was I talking about? Im so hungry right now.

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My other big obituary fear is, when I die, theyll have my picture, and they always have underneath it, in quotes, He loved to laugh. Oh, he loved to laugh. Well, that doesnt tell you anything. Everybody loves to laugh -- youre laughing! Thats like saying, He hungered for food.

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President Roosevelt once rode his horse 100 miles. Chuck Norris carried his the same distance in half the time.

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As President Roosevelt said:
"We have nothing to fear but fear itself. And Chuck Norris."

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Most people put their pants on one leg at a time, Chuck Norris does both legs at once.

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Chuck Norris has a pet kitten - every night for a snack.

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Chuck Norris can make snow angels on a concrete slab.

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Chuck Norris kicked Neo out of Zion , now Neo is "The Two."

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Every girl either has blonde hair with black streaks or black hair with blonde streaks. Which, either way, says: I dont have a gag reflex.

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I didn't make it to the gym today...
That makes 1,523 days in a row I didn't go!

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A blonde goes to a store's deodorant display and tells the clerk, "I need to buy some deodorant for my husband."
"Does he use the ball kind?" inquired the clerk. "No," replied the blonde, "The kind for under his arms."

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In 1945, Adolf Нiтlеr was really kicked to death by a five year old Chuck Norris.

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The economy is terrible. At the beginning of the year, the politicians promised things would improve by the last quarter...
Well, I'm down to my last quarter and they haven't improved!

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Q. How many lawyer jokes are there?
Q: How many lawyer jokes are there?
A: Three...the rest are all true.

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Q: Why is it so hard to replace Vanna White?
A: They can't find another blonde who knows the whole alphabet.

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Q: What do you call a blonde in the freezer?
A: A Frosted Flake.

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Q: Where do you find a no-legged dog?
A: Right where you left him.

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Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.

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