One Liner Jokes, Short jokes

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Тоnто and the Lone Ranger had a falling out... because the Lone Ranger discovered that "Kimosabee" actually means... "аsshоlе!" Submitted by Curtis Edited by Yisman

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The economy is terrible. At the beginning of the year, the politicians promised things would improve by the last quarter...
Well, I'm down to my last quarter and they haven't improved!

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Q. How many lawyer jokes are there?
Q: How many lawyer jokes are there?
A: Three...the rest are all true.

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Q: What do you call a blonde in the freezer?
A: A Frosted Flake.

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Q: Where do you find a no-legged dog?
A: Right where you left him.

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Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.

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Have you heard about the new "Mint flavored birth control pill" for women that they take immediately before sеx?
They're called "Predickamints".

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A man was involved in an auto accident. A policeman ran up to the car and asked, "Are you seriously injured?" The man said, "How should I know? I'm a doctor not a lawyer."

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Some guy called me a тооl. So I got hammered and nailed his girlfriend. Guess he was right.

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A lawyer was well into a lengthy cross-examination of a witness, when he stopped and said, "I object, your honor! One of the jurors is asleep." The Judge ruled, "You put him to sleep, so you wake him up."

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The reason newborn babies cry is because they know they have just entered a world with Chuck Norris.

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Knock-knock.
Who's there?
Dishes.
Dishes who?
Dishes the police! Come out with your hands up!

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Chuck Norris has only one friend on Facebook: Pain.

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Q: Which side of the turkey has the most feathers? A: The outside, of course.
Q: Why did the turkey get in trouble at school? A: He was cornu-copying.
Q: What smells the best during Thanksgiving dinner? A: Your nose.

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What did the skeleton say to the vampire?
You suск.What do ghosts use to wash their hair?
Sham-boo!What kind of instrument do you play on Halloween?
A Sроок-ulele.What kind of key does a ghost use to unlock his room? A Spoo-keyWhy do skeletons have low self-esteem?
They have no body to love.How do vampires get around on Halloween?
In blood vesselsWhat did the teenage witch ask her mother on Halloween?
Can i have the keys to the broom tonight.

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A blonde goes to the doctor's and find out she is pregnant with twins. She starts crying and the doctor asks her what's wrong. She replies,
"I know who the dad is for one of them but I don't know who the dad is for the other one!"

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After discussing the “food chain” with my fifth grade class, I told them their weekend homework was to write a sentence showing they understood the meaning of the term. On Monday morning, one student handed this in:
“Burger King is my favorite food chain.”

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The best relationship I ever had -- I used to go out with a homeless girl. Yeah, it was great cause after sеx, I could just drop her off anywhere.

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