One Liner Jokes, Short jokes

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Why are priests called father? - Because its too suspicious to call them daddy.

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Did you hear about that cat who swallowed a ball of yarn?
She had mittens!

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A Sunday School teacher asked her class, "Does anyone here know what we mean by sins of omission?"
A small girl replied, "Aren't those the sins we should have committed, but didn't?"

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What do you call a dog that won’t come when you call it, refuses to sleep in it’s bed, and seldom wants to play?
A cat.

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Did you know that when a woman wears leather dress, a man's hearth beats quicker, his throat gets dry, he gets weak in his knees, an thinks irrationally.
Even wonder why?
It's because she smells like a new car!

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Why, on average, is the IQ so high in Japan?
Have you ever seen a Japanese blonde?

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You might wonder why blonde nurses bring red crayons to work.
It's in case they have to draw blood. A comment from reddit user - Ethyques: Any crayon would work if it's sharp enough. Otherwise it would be pointless.

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A blonde was filling up application form for a job. He was not sure what to be filled in column "Salary Expected".
After much thought he wrote: "YES".

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When you're having a good day and then you realise tomorrow is Monday.

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I'm sitting in a cafeteria next to a woman who was engrossed in her newspaper. One of the headlines blared: "12 Brazilian Soldiers Killed."
She shook her head at the sad news. Then, turning to me, she asked, "How many is a Brazilian?"

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Q: How did the bishop make holy water?
A: He took some tap water and boiled the hеll out of it.

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I asked my wife the other day what she liked best about me...."Is it my firm, trim, athletic, body? Or, rather, is it my astounding intellect?"
She replied...."Your sense of humor, dear."

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The opposite of isolate...
... is yousoearly.

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Someone broke into my garage last night and took a bunch of stuff, including my limbo stick!
Seriously, how low can you go?

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I built a model of Mount Everest.
My son asked, “Is it to scale?”
I replied, “No... it’s to look at.”

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Good news, the Lego store has reopened...
People are lined up for blocks!

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I broke up with my girlfriend of 5 years because I found out she was a communist...
I should have known, there were red flags everywhere.

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MY MONDAY MORNING FACE

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