One Liner Jokes, Short jokes

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Monday been canceled go back to bed!

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Just before Christmas, an honest politician, a generous lawyer and Santa Claus were riding in the elevator of a very posh hotel.
Just before the doors opened they all noticed a $20 bill lying on the floor. Which one picked it up?Santa of course, because the other two don't exist!

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Mother (to sleeping Little Johnny): "Little Johnny, wake up! It’s twenty to eight."
Little Johnny (half asleep): "In whose favor?"

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I’ve been saying “mucho” to my Spanish friend a lot more often lately.
It means a lot to him.

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I don’t work on monday’s, i make appearances

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Doctor: "Is your cough better this morning?"
Patient: "Yes. I've been practicing all night."

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Good Morning... Let the stress begin......

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I trained my dog to fetch me вееr... It may not sound too impressive, but he gets them from the neighbors fridge!

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Thanksgiving is a time to count your blessings...
One by one...
As each relative goes home.

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My boss came to me at lunch, "Where the hеll have you been? I've been trying to find you all morning!"
I shrugged and said, "Good employees are hard to find!"

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It never fails...
Cashiers are always checking me out.

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NO, YOU CAN'T BE CHALIE SHEEN FOR HALLOWEEN!

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A group of butts is walking. The smallest struggles to keep up.
“Sorry, I’m a little behind.”

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Q: What do blondes and lava lamps have in common?
A: They're both nice to look at, but neither one of them is too bright.

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I was in love with a beautiful blonde once, dear. She drove me to drink. That's the one thing I'm so indebted to her for.WC Fields (1880-1946)Picture: Perseus Book Group

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A dumb blonde was bragging about her knowledge of the state capitals of the United States. She proudly announced, "Go ahead, ask me any of the capitals, I know all of them."
A red head said, "O.K., what's the capital of Wyoming?"
The blonde replied, "Oh, that's easy, 'W'."

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What do you call the boss at Old McDonald's Farm?
The CIEIO!

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Why are priests called father? - Because its too suspicious to call them daddy.

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