One Liner Jokes, Short jokes

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The homeless lawyer worked hobono.

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My wife kicked me out because of my awful Arnold Schwarzenegger impressions.
But don’t worry...
I’ll return!

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Why do those with big noses like making out with their supervisors?

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When Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad, he turns into Chuck Norris

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Q: How do you keep a blonde busy for 2 days?
A: Give her a piece of paper that has "Please turn over" written on both sides.

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How do you confuse a blonde?
You don't -- they're born that way.

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I cant stand homeless people. I dont feel bad about saying it. I dont mind saying it because I give homeless people money. I give them more money than I should, so I feel, as a paying customer, I have a right to complain.

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A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night.
It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on "Science & Nature."
Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"
She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"

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Halloween is pay day, folks. A lot of parents are strange; they say, Ration the candy. I say, Let them eat as much as they want -- they throw up, the rest is mine. Thats how I handle Halloween.

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How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? ... All of it.

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Chuck Norris got shot. We are now in the hospital, where the bullet is in critical condition.

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“An acupuncturist is a pin doctor.”

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Doctor: What's wrong with your bother?
Boy: He thinks he is a chicken.
Doctor: really? How long has this been going on?
Boy: Five years.
Doctor: Five years!
Boy: We would have brought him in earlier, but we needed the eggs.

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Patient: Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I'm a dog.
Doctor: Lie down on the couch and I'll examine you.
Patient: I can't, I'm not allowed on the furniture.

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You know who Uncle Sam is, hes that goat-faced dude who dresses like Apollo Creed. Hes always pointing at you. He wants you. Is that really the imagery we should be listening to? An uncle who looks like hes about to touch you? Uncle Sam wants you to keep a secret.

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Did you hear the one about the blonde fox that got stuck in a trap?
She chewed off three legs and was still stuck.

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Q: Why don't blondes like making Kool-Aid?
A: They can't fit eight cups of water in the little packet.

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When you get to the point where you really understand your computer, it’s probably obsolete.

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