One Liner Jokes, Short jokes

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Never hold in a fаrт; that's something an аsshоlе would do.

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What did the boy ghost say to the girl ghost after he saw her all dressed up for Halloween?
You look boo-tiful!

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If you want a list of Chuck Norri's enemies, just check the extinct species list.

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What’s the difference between a smart blonde and a unicorn?
Nothing, they're both fictional characters.

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Three blondes girls were walking in the woods and came upon tracks. The first one said,
"Look, it's deer tracks." The second one said,
"No, it's wolf tracks" and before the third one could answer, they got hit by a train.

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A man walks into the psychiatrist’s office with a zucchini up his nose, a cucumber in his left ear, and a breadstick in his right ear.
He says, “Doctor, what is wrong with me?"
The psychiatrist replies, “You are not eating properly.”

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Chuck Norris was once in a knife fight. The knife lost.

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A police officer arrives at the scene of an accident, in which a car smashed into a tree.
The cop rushes over to the vehicle and asks the driver, “Are you seriously hurt?”
“How should I know?” the man answers, “I’m not a lawyer!”

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When I was walking around the super market I noticed a blonde staring really hard at a carton of orange juice. I asked her what she was doing. She said "Well, it says on the carton 'concentrate'". Submitted by CalamjoEdited by Curtis

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A truck driver was driving down the highway when he saw an elderly priest at the side of the road. He stopped to give him a ride.

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What did the blonde ask Santa Claus for Christmas? A: Five golden dings, four calling nerds, three French men, two purple gloves, and a bar fridge and a party.

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Mother talking to her blonde daughter:
At the age of ten:
Honey, you are too young to play with big boys!
At the age of thirty:
You are too big to play with young boys, honey!

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I told my friend that my wife and I had a huge argument and she left for the Caribbean.
"Jamaica?" he asked.
"No," I replied, "she went of her own accord."

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Doctor: What seems to be the trouble?
Patient: Doctor, I keep getting the feeling that nobody can hear what I say.
Doctor: What seems to be the trouble?

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The second guy says,
"I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher which made a huge difference in our children of tomorrow."
The last guy replies,
"I would like to hear them say, 'Look! He's moving!'"

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My friends and I exhumed a tibia. It was quite the shin dig!

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The best time to purchase stocks is when the market hits bought em.

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I played basketball for five years, and I was a benchwarmer all five years. If you were never a benchwarmer, I cannot express to you the humiliation of, every Saturday morning, putting on a pair of breakaway pants and never having a reason to break them away -- then theyre just pants.

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