One Liner Jokes, Short jokes

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We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.

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For all the guys who think a woman's place is in the kitchen, remember that's where the knives are kept.

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Relationships are a lot like algebra.
Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?

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Brunette: "Where were you born?"
Blonde: "The United States."
Brunette: "Which part?"
Blonde: "My whole body."

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My iPhone battery dies quicker than a black guy in a scary movie.

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If i got 50 cents for every failed math exam,
I'd have $ 6.30 now

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You haven't experienced awkward until you try to tickle someone who isn't ticklish

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I swear to drunк I'm not God, but seriously, stay in drugs, eat school, and don't do vegetables.

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Never get on one knee for a girl who won't get on two for you.

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If you force sеx on a рrоsтiтuте is it rаре or shoplifting?

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There's always that one kid in PE who thinks it's the f*cking Olympics.

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Every time someone calls me fат I get so depress I cut myself... a piece of cake.

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Whatever you do in life, always give 100%. Unless you're donating blood...

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It's all shiтs and giggles until someone giggles and shiтs!

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I tried to be polite and hold the door open for a woman, but she kept screaming, "I'm peeing in here!"
Fucking b*tch.

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If a quiz is quizzical, then what does that make a test?

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"No, thanks. I'm a vegetarian." is a fun thing to say when someone hands you their baby.

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“Upmarket restaurants cater to top end customers!”

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