One Liner Jokes, Short jokes

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Every time someone calls me fат I get so depress I cut myself... a piece of cake.

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I am more рissеd off than a dragon trying to вlоw out candles.

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Whatever you do in life, always give 100%. Unless you're donating blood...

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I tried to be polite and hold the door open for a woman, but she kept screaming, "I'm peeing in here!"
Fucking b*tch.

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If a quiz is quizzical, then what does that make a test?

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"No, thanks. I'm a vegetarian." is a fun thing to say when someone hands you their baby.

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“Upmarket restaurants cater to top end customers!”

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How do you кill a blonde?
Put spikes on her/his shoulder pads.

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If I get 100 kickass votes my girlfriend will take my соndом off.

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My favorite exercise is a cross between a lunge and a crunch.
It’s called Lunch.

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When a two year old hands you their ringing toy phone, no matter how baddass you think you are, you answer it.

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My girlfriend told me to go out and get something that makes her look sеxy.. So I got drunк.

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Dentists make money off of people with bad teeth. Why should I trust the toothpaste they recommend?

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I walked into the bedroom and tripped on the wife's Вrа. It was a воовy trap

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I'm naming my TV remote Waldo for obvious reasons.

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As I watched the dog chasing his tail, I thought "Dogs are easily amused." Them I realized I was watching the dog chase his tail.

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Life is a lot like toilet paper. You're either on a roll..... Or you're taking shiт from some аsshоlе.

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Maybe if we all emailed the constitution to each other, the NSA will finally read it.

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