One Liner Jokes, Short jokes

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I went to see my doctor this morning. “Some one decided to graffiti my house last night!” I raged.
“So why are you telling me?” the doctor asked.
“I can't understand the writing,” I replied. “Was it you?”

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A police officer saw a car speeding down the highway, and he started chasing after the speeder. When he got close, he saw that it was a woman who was knitting while driving.
The cop yelled, "Pull over!"
She shouted back, "No, it's a sweater!"

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Doctor: You have a disease, but we can treat it.
Patient: What’s the Cure?
Doctor: It’s an 80s rock band fronted by Robert Smith, but let’s try to stay focused...

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Three years ago my doctor told me I was going deaf... I haven’t heard from him since

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We're having the same thing this year for Thanksgiving dinner as last year: relatives.

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DON'T HATE MONDAY. MAKE MONDAY HATE YOU.

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What constitutes a big breakfast? Well, in France, an egg is an oeuf to eat.

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Lexicographer Noah Webster was blessed with define inspiration.

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Ancient Romans considered vomitoriums a good place to un-wine.

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I was playing chess with my friend and he said, “Let’s make this interesting!”
So we stopped playing chess.

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A literature teacher is explaining the power of poems and stories. "Have you ever read something that made you cry?"
A student replied, "Yeah, my last report card."

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"Are you going to be using your lawn mower Saturday?"
"Yes, I will be."
"Good... so can I borrow your car then?"

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Diск: Great News! Teacher said we would have a test rain or shine.
Jane: What’s so great about that?
Dick: It’s snowing.

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I'm an investor in mashed potatoes. I receive lump some payments.

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This is Friday <3

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When you hit a speed bump in a school zone and remember, there are no speed bumps.

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Good: You give the birds and bees talk to your daughter.
Bad: She keeps interrupting.
Worse: With corrections.

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- Doctor, there is a patient on line 1 that say he's invisible.
- Well, tell him I can't see him right now.

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