One Liner Jokes, Short jokes

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Q: What does a blonde consider safe sеx?

A: A padded head board.

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Why did the blonde have sеx with a Mexican?
Her teacher told her to do an essay.

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A blonde walks into a bar that has a sign marked:
"For Men Only".
"I'm sorry, ma'am," says the bartender. "We only serve men in this place."
"That's OK," says the blonde. "I'll take two of them..."

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A Drunк climbs on a bar stool in a bar and screams, "All lawyers are sneaky thieves."
A man stands up and says, "Hey, I resent that remark."
The drunк shouts back, "Why, are you a lawyer?"
"No," says the man, "I'm a sneaky thief."

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"What's that piece of cord tied around your finger for?"
"My wife put it there to remind me to take a letter to the Post Office."
"And did you mail it?"
"No, she forgot to give me the letter."

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"The formal wedding between two boxers was a black eye affair."

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My doctor has advised me to stop drinking.
It's going to be a massive change for me.
I've been with that doctor for 15 years.

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Applicant: Shows up 45 minutes late for interview to be a cable installer.
Interviewer: “You’re hired.”

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How do you start a fairy tale in the modern era?
"If elected, I promise..."

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A screaming, yelling mob were tearing up the High Street.
A policeman stops one runner, and asks, "What's happening?"
"A lion has escaped," he gasps.
"Which way did it go?" enquires the bobby.
"Well we're not вlооdy chasing it!"

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My wife asked me why I was doing the dishes while sitting down.
Told her it's because I can't stand doing it.

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Got Nuts?
A woman walks into a grocery store and asks the stock boy if he has any nuts. The guy says, "No, ma'am." She says, "Well, do you have any dates?" He replies, "Ma'am, if I don't have nuts, do you really expect me to have dates?"

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Has anyone else's gardening skills improved during this quarantine like mine have?
I planted myself on the sofa at the start of April and I’ve grown вiggеr ever since.

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So a burglar broke into my house...
I put the red dot on his chest and my cat did the rest!

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First Freshman in Math Exam: "How far are you from the correct answer?"
Second Freshman in Math Exam: "About two seats away."

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My wife asked me today if I had seen the dog bowl...
I said I didn’t know he could!

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WORST HALLOWEEN DECORATIONS FOR A RETIREMENT HOME EVER

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Despite what some people think, since the world is arguably 75% water that is not carbonated,...
One could accurately say that it's technically flat.

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