One Liner Jokes, Short jokes

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Good: You give the birds and bees talk to your daughter.
Bad: She keeps interrupting.
Worse: With corrections.

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Yep, today is Monday, guys :(

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- Doctor, there is a patient on line 1 that say he's invisible.
- Well, tell him I can't see him right now.

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Young Maiden: "Yes, I've been asked many times to get married."
Friend: "Really, who's asked you?"
Young Maiden: "My mother and father."

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A man went to the doctor and said: “Doctor, I keep having visions of the future.”
“When did these start?”
“Next Thursday.”

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I can’t take my dog to the park because the ducks keep trying to bite him...
I guess that’s what I get for buying a pure bread dog.

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Everyone has heard of the historical figure, Karl Marx...
But no one remembers his sister, Onya, who invented the starting pistol.

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Dad, will you help me with my homework?"
"I'm sorry," replied the father. "It wouldn't be right."
"Well, " said the boy, "at least you could try."

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When I was married, my wife used to call me handsome. As a matter of fact, we are now divorced but she STILL calls me handsome. Every time I have some money, she says, HANDSOME OVER.

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In court to plead his case, an alleged auto thief listened as the judge asked the simple question, "How do you plead?"
The defendant, representing himself replied, "Before I plead, your honor, I'd like to explain just why I stole that car."

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Tim: I wish I had the money to buy an elephant.
Tom: What do you want with an elephant?
Tim: Nothing, I just want the money.

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The CEO of IKEA was just elected president in Sweden.
He should have his cabinet together by the end of the week.

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What gender pronouns does a chocolate bar use?
Her/she.

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Where do ghosts like to travel on vacation?
The Dead Sea! What did the mother ghost say to the baby ghost as they drove down the street?
Buckle your sheet bel

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My twin brother called me from prison.
He said:
“You know how we finish each other’s sentences?”

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ME: What does "competitive salary" mean?
BOSS: It means your salary will be competing with your bills.

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Children are like pancakes.
The first one always comes out a little weird.

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Lawyer Kurt: Did the woman standing in the passage subsequently reveal her identity?
Witness: Yes, that's right.
Lawyer Kurt: Who did she say she was?
Witness (seemingly inebriated) : She said she was the owner of the dog's wife.

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