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Someone saw a blonde eating a Tootsie Roll Pop and asked her, "So, how many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll - Tootsie Pop?"
Without a thought, the blonde replied, "Beats me, but it took almost the whole day just to liск through the wrapper."
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Young Maiden: "Yes, I've been asked many times to get married."
Friend: "Really, who's asked you?"
Young Maiden: "My mother and father."
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A man went to the doctor and said: “Doctor, I keep having visions of the future.”
“When did these start?”
“Next Thursday.”
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Everyone has heard of the historical figure, Karl Marx...
But no one remembers his sister, Onya, who invented the starting pistol.
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Dad
Çocuk babasından matematik ödevini yapmasına yardım etmesini ister ve. - Doğru olmaz oğlum
- Papá
Llega un niño con su papá y la dice: - Papá
Dad, will you help me with my homework?"
"I'm sorry," replied the father. "It wouldn't be right."
"Well, " said the boy, "at least you could try."
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When I was married, my wife used to call me handsome. As a matter of fact, we are now divorced but she STILL calls me handsome. Every time I have some money, she says, HANDSOME OVER.
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In court to plead his case, an alleged auto thief listened as the judge asked the simple question, "How do you plead?"
The defendant, representing himself replied, "Before I plead, your honor, I'd like to explain just why I stole that car."
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Tim: I wish I had the money to buy an elephant.
Tom: What do you want with an elephant?
Tim: Nothing, I just want the money.
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The CEO of IKEA was just elected president in Sweden.
He should have his cabinet together by the end of the week.
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Doctor:
"Have you been drinking fluids?"
Patient:
"Jeez, Doc, that's literally all I drink."
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What gender pronouns does a chocolate bar use?
Her/she.
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Where do ghosts like to travel on vacation?
The Dead Sea! What did the mother ghost say to the baby ghost as they drove down the street?
Buckle your sheet bel
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ME: What does "competitive salary" mean?
BOSS: It means your salary will be competing with your bills.
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Children are like pancakes.
The first one always comes out a little weird.
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Lawyer Kurt: Did the woman standing in the passage subsequently reveal her identity?
Witness: Yes, that's right.
Lawyer Kurt: Who did she say she was?
Witness (seemingly inebriated) : She said she was the owner of the dog's wife.
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“I lift weights only on Saturday and Sunday because Monday to Friday are weak days.”
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Два домата
Gehen 2 Tomaten über die Straße. Plötzlich kommt ein Auto. Da sagt die eine Tomate zur anderen: "Komm Ketchup
Deux tomates traversent la rue
Era una vez un tomatito y una tomatita y iban caminando por la calle. Venía pasando un carro y atropelló al tomatito. La tomatita le preguntó al tomatito: ¿Qué te hicieron? Y dice el tomatito: Ketchup
Kaksi tomaattia kävelee tiellä. Toinen jää auton alle ja ehjänä säilynyt ilkkuu: “Mitä ketsuppi?”
Jdou tři rajčata
Iban pasando por la calle dos tomatitos y atropellan a uno y el otro le dice que te hicieron catsup
Idą dwa pomidory przez jezdnię. Jednego przejechało
Det var en gång två tomater som var ute och gick. Dem skulle gå över en väg då det kom en bil körande. Den ena tomaten blev överkörd. Då så sa den andra tomaten: - Kom nu ketchup så går vi.
En gång när 2 st tomater skulle gå över vägen så blev ena överkörd av en bil. Då sa den andre. - Kom nu ketchup!
Två tomater gick över gatan
¿ Sabes como estornudan los tomates? Ketchup
Bija divi lielie tomāti un viens tomātiņš Viņi gāja pāri ielai un Mazo tomātiņu nobrauca un Tonātiņa mamma teica pasteidzies kečupiņ!
Kaksi tomaattia käveli suojatien yli
Idu dvije rajcice ulicom jednu zgazi auto
2 Rajčice Hodaju Po Cesti Jednu Zgazi Auto. Druga Kaže Ketchup!
C'est deux tomates qui veulent traverser une route. La première passe mais la deuxième se fait écraser. La tomate qui est passée dit a l'autre : « Tu viens Ketchup? »
There were three tomatoes: a mum
A family of three tomatoes were walking downtown one day when the little baby tomato started lagging behind. The big father tomato walks back to the baby tomato, stomps on her, squashing her into a red paste, and says, "Ketchup!"
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Two psychiatrists were walking down a hall.
One turned to the other and said, "Hello."
The other one thought, "I wonder what he meant by that."
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