Science jokes

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"I read somewhere that they're going to launch some weasels up in a rocket."
"So where are they headed?"
"Otter space, of course!"

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What do you call it when an astronaut gets sick after eating?
Launching his lunch!

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The not necessarily well-prepared student sat in his life science classroom staring at a question on the final exam paper. The question directed:
“Give four advantages of вrеаsт milk.” What to write? He sighed, and began to scribble whatever came into his head, hoping for the best:
1. No need to boil.
2. Cats can’t steal it.
3. Available whenever necessary.
So far so good - maybe. But the exam demanded a four-part answer. Again, what to write? Once more, he sighed. He frowned. He scowled, then sighed again. But suddenly, he brightened. He grabbed his pen, and triumphantly, he scribbled his definitive answer:
4. Available in attractive containers.

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It’s forty years ago today since the first mobile phone call was made.
It was to customer services and he is still on hold.

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My biology teacher tells me that I need to focus more in lessons.
They say I always ask off topic questions. But I'm just interested, that's all.
Science is interesting. Apparently there is a species of fish called "irrelevant".

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Einstein used science to get laid; that guy is a genius... I've been using money.

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Microsoft’s new Windows advert talks about life without walls…
Surely life without walls is a Window’s worst nightmare.

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My female science teacher was gloating about how scientists have discovered a way to make stem-cells develop into working sемеn.
She was telling our class that the human race no longer needed men.
I laughed at her and said;
“Okay, with no men, where the fuск are you going to get a scientist?”

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Hi, my name is Bill Gates and today I’ll teach you how to count to ten:
1, 2, 3, 95, 98, NT, 2000, XP, Vista, 7, 8, 10

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A UNI graduate is applying for a part time job to help with his course fees. He applies to work in a supermarket and gets the job. The first day the manager tells him to sweep the floor, the UNI grad. is furious and shouts "hey mate, don't you know that I have several degrees in various areas of science and after seven years of going to university you ask me to sweep the floor". The manager replied “Oh sorry, I didn't know that, here pass me the broom and I’ll show you how to sweep the floor."

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Depth limit for recreational divers - 12 meters
Depth limit for experienced divers - 18 meters
Depth at which nitrogen bubbles develop in your blood - 30 meters
Scuba diving world record - 137 meters
Depth my £14.99 watch will operate up to - 500 meters
Cheers Casio, that’s a relief

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The good thing about a cell phone is you can be reached wherever you are…. The bad think about a cell phone is you can be reached wherever you are.

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Newton’s third law of Emotion. …
…
For every male action, there is a female overreaction.

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Two planets are talking...
Saturn: I bet I get married before you do.
Venus: Why?
Saturn: Because I already have a ring.

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And asks for a drink. …
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A time traveller walks into a bar.

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I’m a science teacher and once I asked one of my lazy students if he knew the chemical symbol for sodium.
He replied, ‘Na’.
Lucky ваsтаrd.

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Every spring and fall we have a certain day where length of the night is exactly equal to the length of the day. The spring version of this phenomenon is known as the “Venereal Equinox” because you have a 50-50 (equal) chance of getting an STD if you don’t wear a соndом.

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Auto correct doesn’t work when I use caps lock.
My phone is like “woah, better let this dude cool down before I tell him he’s wrong”

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