Science jokes

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Scientists have now discovered how women keep their secrets.
They do so within groups of 40.

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There's an order to the universe: space, time, Chuck Norris...
Just kidding, Chuck Norris is first.

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Q: When will scientists cure the common cold?
A: Actually, they already did but Republican pharmacists won't dispense it because they mistook it for birth control.

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Wheaties is the breakfast of champions, not for Chuck Norris.
He eats Chucky Charms, which contains diamonds, sulfuric acid, and radioactive uranium.

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Chuck Norris dropped the apple on Isaac Newtons Head.

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Chuck Norris can make same magnet polarities stick together.

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Some people break the laws of the state, Chuck Norris breaks the laws of physics.

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If you weigh 78kg on earth you will weigh 13kg on the moon.
If Chuck Norris weighs 78kg on earth, the moon weighs 13kg on Chuck Norris.

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Yo mama is so fат they thought her вuтт was a new planet.

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A physicist, an engineer and a programmer were in a car driving over a steep alpine pass when the brakes failed.
The car was getting faster and faster, they were struggling to get round the corners and once or twice only the feeble crash barrier saved them from crashing down the side of the mountain.
They were sure they were all going to die, when suddenly they spotted an escape lane.
They pulled into the escape lane, and came safely to a halt.
The physicist said "We need to model the friction in the brake pads and the resultant temperature rise, see if we can work out why they failed".
The engineer said "I think I've got a few spanners in the back. I'll take a look and see if I can work out what's wrong".
The programmer said "Why don't we get going again and see if it's reproducible?"

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Scientists believe that a giant meteor killed off the dinosaurs.
This is true, if you can consider Chuck Norris to be a giant meteor.

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All of Chuck Norris's opinions can be proven with science.

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Why can't scientists find a cure for AIDS?
They can't get the laboratory mice to аrsе f*ck.

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Thomas Edson made a shadow on a paper that Chuck Norris was reading, then Thomas Edson decided to create the electric light.

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He’s donating his body to science.
And he’s preserving it in alcohol until they can use it.

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A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night.
It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on "Science & Nature."
Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"
She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"

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Light just wishes it was a fast as one of Chuck's fists.

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One day, a young boy was asked by his teacher to tell him what the chemical formula for water was.
The boy replied with "H-I-J-K-L-M-N-O".
The Teacher was stunned. "That's not right, how did you come up with that?"
The boy said, "Last week you said it was H2O!"

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