Science jokes

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A man once insulted Chuck Norris by saying he was smarter than him.
That man was Stephen Hawking.

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Some scientists decided to do the following experiments on a dog.
For the first experiment, they cut one of the dog's legs off, then they told the dog to walk.
The dog got up and walked, so they they learned that a dog could walk with just three legs.
For the second experiment, they cut off a second leg from the dog, then they told the dog once more to walk.
The dog was still able to walk with only two legs.
For the third experiment, they cut off yet another leg from the dog and once more they told the dog to walk.
However, the dog wasn't able to walk with only one leg.
As a result of these three experiments, the scientists wrote in their final report that the dog had lost it's hearing after having three legs cut off.

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Chuck Norris solved Unsolved Mysteries.

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Scientists did not in fact slipt the atom, Chuck Norris just roundhouse kicked it.

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Only once in history has Chuck Norris snapped his fingers, scientists call it The Big Ваng.

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In 1986 the U. S. S. R. attempted to clone Chuck Norris.
The scientists failure was covered up and we now know their attempt as the Chernobyl disaster.

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Scientists don't bother to calculate how many years old the planet earth is, they just say it's one Chuck old.

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According to leading scientists, the deadliest animal on the planet is the Bearded Norris.

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Corpsalicious!
One day a medical professor and his class were standing over a corpse and the professor said, ''There are two things to being a medical forensicist. First: Don't fear anything.''
After saying that, the professor shoved his middle finger up the corpse's аnus and licked it. He then told the class to do the same. After hesitating, they all did it.
''Next,'' the professor said, ''you have to have a key observation finger. Thus, I licked my index finger.''

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Chuck Norris doesn't need a particle accelerator to collide atoms, he just smashes his fists together.

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Chuck Norris can convert kilograms into centimeters.

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The speed of light was instituted because Chuck Norris didn't want get winded outrunning it.
Chuck Norris hates to sweat.

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"What are you doing there?"
"I'm making something."
"What are you making?"
"A bomb."
"Can I help?"
"Impossible. It's a nuclear one..."

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A rabbit went to the fortune-teller, “what do you see in my future?” asked the rabbit.
“Very soon,” replied the fortune-teller, “you will meet a pretty young girl who will want to know everything about you.”
“That’s great!” said the rabbit, hopping up and down.
“But when will I meet her?”
“Next week in science class,” said the fortune-teller.

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I stumbled out of the pub at one o’clock last night. I was starving, so I got my phone out, pressed a button and said, “OK Google; Where is the nearest kebab shop?”
After a few seconds, the voice said, “Fсuк off, Dad. I’ve got work in the morning.”

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What did Stephen Hawking say when his computer crashed?
Nothing.

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A man walks into a chemist’s and says,
"Can I have a bar of soap, please?"
The chemist says,
"Do you want it scented?"
And the man says,
"No, I’ll take it with me now."

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Scientists have predicted the world will end in 2012, but that's just a guess when Chusk Norris' patience will run out.

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