Three girls died and were brought to the Gates of Heaven. Upon entering the gate, they were halted by St. Peter and his obedient angel.
St. Peter told the girls, “Before entering you must answer this simple question.”
“Which is …?”, they replied in unison.
“Have you been a good girl?”, he asked the first girl.
“Oh yes”, she said. “I was a virgin before I got married, and was still virgin even after I got married.”
“Very good”, said St. Peter. “Angel, give this girl… the golden key.”
“Have you been a good girl?”, he asked the second girl.
“Oh, quite good”, she said. “I was a virgin before I got married, but was not after I got married.”
“Very good”, said St. Peter. “Angel, give this girl… the silver key.”
“Have you been a good girl?”, he asked the third girl.
“Oh no, not at all”, she said. “I practically had sеx with every guy I met before and after I got married. Anywhere, anytime.”
“Very good”, said St. Peter. “Angel, give this girl… my room key.”
A certain zoo had acquired a very rare species of gorilla. Within a few weeks the gorilla, a female, became very hоrny, and difficult to handle. Upon examination, the zoo veterinarian determined the problem was that she was in heat. What to do? There was no male of this species available.
While reflecting on their problem, the zoo administrators noticed Mike, an employee responsible for cleaning the animals’ cages. Now Mike, it was rumored, possessed ample ability to satisfy any female, and he wasn’t very bright. So the zoo administrators thought they might have a solution. Perhaps they could entice Mike to satisfy the female gorilla.
So he was approached with a proposition: would he be willing to sсrеw the gorilla for five hundred bucks?
Mike replied that he might be interested, but would have to think the matter over.
The following day, Mike announced that he would accept their offer, but only under three conditions:
“First,” he said, “I don’t want to have to kiss her.”
“Second, I want nothing to do with any offspring that may result from this union.”
The zoo administration quickly acceded to these conditions, but what could be the third?
“Well,” said Mike, “You’ve gotta give me another week to come up with the five hundred bucks.”