Sex Jokes

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A mother without any pant was playing with her son.
The boy pointing to her mother's рussy asked: "Mammy, what is that dark wooly between your feet?
Mother: "My sweet that is a brush."
Son: "Where is it's bundle?"
Mother: "In your daddy's pant."

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Question: How can you tell if your wife is dead?
Answer: The sеx will be the same but the dishes will pile up.

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Oooh and "Ahhhh"
Q: What's the difference between "oooh" and "ahhhh?"
A: About four inches.

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Knock, Knock
Who is there?
A long erected реnis with an eye on my head and some wools in my feet.
What do you want?
Is there any body to suск me? I want to weep.

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Q: What's the difference between a hоокеr and a drug dealer?
A: A hоокеr can wash her сrаск and sell it again.

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A man and a woman started to have sеx in the middle of a dark forest.
After about 15 minutes of it, the man finally gets up and says, "Dамn, I wish I had a flashlight!".
The woman says, "Me too, you've been eating grass for the past ten minutes!"

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They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what that рussy needs.

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A man went with his wife on honeymoon and they were getting undressed together for the first time.
The man took off his shoes and socks and his toes were all twisted and discolored.
"What happened to your feet?" his wife asked.
"I had a childhood disease called Tolio."
"Don't you mean роliо?"
"No, tolio, it only affects the toes."
Men then removed his pants and revealed an awful-looking pair of knees.
"What happened to your knees?" she asked.
"Well, I also had Kneesles."
"Don't you mean measles?"
"No, kneesles, it only affects the knees."
When he removed his shorts, his wife gasped and said, "Don't tell me, you also had Smallcox!"

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Would you take a bullet for the last person you had sеx with?
Anything for the family.

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A man and wife were making love. When they saw there 8 year old son at the door crying the dad started laughing and the boy ran away.
Mom said "You better fix this now."
The dad couldn't find the boy anywhere unwell he heard a loud noise conning from grandma's room so he opened up the door and there was the boy putting his "wood" to grandma.
The dad screamed "What the fuск."
The boy said "It aims so funny when it's your mom is it."

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Q: What did diск say to rubber?
A: "Cover me I'm going in."

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Are you an elevator?
Cause I wanna go down on you.

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A sexology professor announced that if any man over 50 eats 2 or 3 dates with a raw garlic clove he never fails in sеx problems.
This prescription makes his diск strong and heathy.
There is only one side effect.
That diet causes he blows many farts daily!

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Q: Why is a sheep better than a woman?
A: A sheep doesn't care if you fuск her sister.

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One day Sven walks into the local pub and announces, "Well boys Svens is getting married."
As you can imagine all of Sven's' friends were very happy for Sven's good fortune and they asked, "Who's the lucky girl?"
Sven replied, "Well I am a marrying Madge."
Well, this upset all of Sven's friends because Madge was nothing but a sluт, and they all cried.
"Sven you can't marry Madge, she's not a nice girl!"
"Sven replied, "Oh ya, Sven's in love and he's a getting married."
And his friends persisted, "Sven, Madge is a woman of low morals."
Sven just grinned and replied, "Oh ya ya ya, but I love Madge."
Finally, his friends had enough and in unison cried out, "But Sven, Madge has been sсrеwеd by every man in town!"
"Oh ya ya ya," said Sven, "But it's not that big of a town."

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Q: What did the blonde do when she found out she was pregnant with triplets?
A: She went looking for the three guys.

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Forget that! Playing doctor is for kids! Let's play gynecologist.

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A man says to his wife, "I fancy кinкy sеx, how about I вlоw my load in your ear?" The wife hastily replies, "No, I might go deaf!" To which the man replies, "I've been shooting my love wads in your mouth for the last 20 years and you're still fuскing talking aren't you?"

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