Sports Jokes

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I think that it is better to give that to get.
You have a very generous thinking.
Are you a humanitarian?
No, I’m a boxer.

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What time does Andy Murray go to his bed?
Ten-ish.

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A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer, who was also a blonde.
The cop asked to see the blonde's driver's license.
She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated."
What does it look like?" she finally asked.
The policewoman replied, "It's square and it has your picture on it."
The driver finally found a square mirror, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman.
"Here it is," she said.
The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "Okay, you can go.
I didn't realize you were a cop."

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What do you call black people in a swimming pool?
Coco puffs.
What do u call mexicans in the swimming pool?
Reeces puffs reeces puffs!

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Why didn't the cannibal eat Mike Tyson?
He thought he would give him a paunch!

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Superman is faster then a speeding bullet.
Chuck Norris just runs Superman down and keeps going.

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Did you hear about Mike Tyson's horse?
It got angry and bit at the champ!

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Chuck Norris can break his opponents serve with an ace.

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Barcelona beats every team in the world, Chuck Norris can beat Barcelona... by himself.

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Why did the man keep doing the backstroke?
He’d just had lunch and didn’t want to swim on a full stomach!

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Many women are afraid of their first mammogram, but there is no need to worry.
By taking a few minutes each day for the week preceding the exam and doing the following practice exercises, you will be totally prepared. And best of all, you can do these simple practice exercises right in the privacy of your own home.
Exercise #1: Freeze two metal bookends overnight.
Strip to the waist. Invite a stranger into the room.
Press the bookends against one of your вrеаsтs.
Smash the bookends together as hard as you can.
Repeat with the other вrеаsт. Set an appointment with the stranger to meet next year and do it again.
Exercise #2 Open your refrigerator door and insert one вrеаsт between the door and the main box.
Have one of your strongest friends slam the door shut as hard as possible and lean on the door for good measure.
Hold that position for five seconds.
Do this again in case the last time wasn't effective enough.
Then repeat with the other вrеаsт.
Exercise #3 Visit your garage at 3 a. M. when the temperature of the concrete floor is just perfect.
Take off all your warm clothes and lay comfortably on the floor with one вrеаsт wedged under the rear tire of the car.
Ask a friend to slowly back the car up until the вrеаsт is sufficiently flattened and chilled.
Turn over and repeat for the other вrеаsт.
Congratulations!
Now you are properly prepared for your mammogram.

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After a particularly poor game of golf, a popular club member skipped the clubhouse and started to go home.
As he was walking to the parking lot to get his car, a policeman stopped him and asked,
"Did you tee off on the sixteenth hole about twenty minutes ago?"
"Yes," the golfer responded.
"Did you happen to hook your ball so that it went over the trees and off the course?"
"Yes, I did.
How did you know?" he asked.
"Well," said the policeman very seriously, "Your ball flew out onto the highway and crashed through a driver's windshield.
The car went out of control, crashing into five other cars and a fire truck.
The fire truck couldn't make it to the fire, and the building burned down.
So, what are you going to do about it?"
The golfer thought it over carefully and responded...
"I think I'll close my stance a little bit, tighten my grip and lower my right thumb."

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Chuck Norris was banned from the Olympics because his mere presence is considered a performance-enhancing substance.

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Rаndy Johnson can throw a fastball 101mph.
Chuck Norris can throw Rаndy Johnson 101mph.

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A drunк Alaskan decides to go ice fishing. He starts sawing a hole in the ice, but just then a booming voice says, "You will find no fish there."
The drunк ignores it and continues sawing. The voice repeats, "You will find no fish under the ice."
The drunк looks up and says, "God, is that you?"
The voice says, "No, I'm the manager of this ice rink."

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Q: How can you tell if a University of Tennessee football player is married?
A: There is tobacco spit on both sides of his pickup truck.

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Twenty feet below sea level, a diver notices another guy at the same depth with no scuba gear.
The diver goes down another 10 feet, and the guy joins him a minute later. The diver goes below 15 more feet, and a minute later, the same guy joins him.The diver takes out a waterproof pad and pencil and writes, "How are you able to stay this deep without equipment?"The guy takes the pencil and pad and writes, "I'm drowning, you моrоn!"

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What do you call a white guy surrounded by 3 niggеrs?
In trouble.
What do you call a white guy surrounded by 5 niggеrs?
Coach.
What do you call a white guy surrounded by 1000 niggеrs?
Prison Warden.

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