Sports Jokes

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Panting and perspiring, two men on a tandem bicycle at last got to the top of a steep hill.
“That was a stiff climb,” said the first man. “It certainly was,” replied the second man.
“And if I hadn’t kept the brake on, we would have slid down backward.”

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A young unmarried man goes onto a dating website to find the perfect woman. He enters his details and describes what he is looking for:
“I want a genuine companion. She should be small and cute, should like aquatic sports and should enjoy group activities.”
He clicks on ‘Send’ and immediately gets a response:
“Marry a fсuкing реnguin.”

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Two would-be fishermen rented a boat, and one caught a large fish.
“We should mark the spot,” he said. The other man drew a large
X in the bottom of the boat with a black maker
“That’s no good,” said the first man. “Next time out we may not get the same boat.”

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A deer hunter at a hunting camp bagged two deer, one more than the limit. He called his wife ask her to go to the local sporting goods store to get a hunting license in her name and bring it to the hunting camp.
While getting the license she took up conversation with a man who happened to be the Game Warden. "A wonderful thing happened to my husband... He shot two deer, and he wants me to bring this license up to his camp," she said.
"What say, Mam, that we go up there and we'll BOTH congratulate him," he replied.

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Two golfers met at the club. "I heard about your terrible tragedy last week," said one.
"Yes," said the other sadly, sipping his drink. "I was playing a two-some with Winthrop, and he dropped dead on the ninth hole."
"I understand you carried him all the way back to the clubhouse too," the first man said sympathetically. "That must have been very difficult, considering Winthrop weighed over two hundred and fifty pounds."
"The carrying wasn't that hard. It was putting him down at every sтrоке, then picking him up again that wore me out."

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Just joined New York Sports Club, which is fantastic. Now I have a bathroom on every block.

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One day a rich famous man went to buy a sport car from a dealership. The price of the car was $80000 and the man had only $79998 to pay.
The sales associate insisted that the price is firm and it has to be $80000.
The man came out of the store and looked around and saw a poor man begging for help. He went toward him and introduced himself and asked if he is kind enough to lend him $2. The poor man asked the reason. He replied that he is willing to buy a car. The poor man though for a moment and gave the man $4 and said: Please buy one for me too.

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My dog does a somersault every time Man Utd score a goal.
Sometimes he does two somersaults, it depends how hard I kick him.

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How many man united fans does it take to pave up a driveway? Depends how thin you slice them.

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The Madame opened up a new sporting-house with an eye to cutting costs.
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She had all the rooms on one story to cut out the fuскin’ overhead.

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There’s nothing more entertaining than going to watch a marathon live. My favorite part is the reaction of the runner’s face when I give him a cup of vоdка.

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Did you hear about the politically correct country club?
They no longer refer to their golfers as having handicaps.
Instead they're "sтrоке challenged"

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What do you call a sold-out Demolition Derby event?
A smashing success!

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Larry took Barb, his girlfriend, to her first football game. Afterwards, he asked her how she liked the game. “I liked it, but I couldn’t understand why they were killing each other for twenty-five cents,” she asked.
“What do you mean?”
“Well, everyone kept yelling, ‘Get the quarter back!’”

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Wembley tannoy announcement:
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“Please could Wayne Rooney please leave the building via the Southgate”

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Anyone really that surprised that USA’s first gold medal at the Rio Olympics involves shooting a gun?

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I'm dressing like a Dodger this Halloween. I'm going as a loser!

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Barcelona made an incredible 859 passes the other night.
Liverpool could only manage that if they got Steven Gerrard out of retirement and put him on Mastermind.

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