Sports Jokes

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A fisherman began to drill a hole in the ice to fish when a voice called out, "You can't fish there."
He moved the drill a few feet and began to drill again and the voice repeated, "You can't fish there either."
After three more attempts he yelled, "Why can't I fish here?"
"You can't fish anywhere here, this is an ice rink."

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Why does someone who runs marathons make a good student? Because education pays off in the long run!

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I met a fairy today who granted me one wish. “I want to live forever,” I said.
“Sorry,” said the fairy, “I’m not allowed to grant wishes like that.”
“Fine,” I said, “I want to die when Enland win the Worldcup again.”
“You crafty c*nt!” said the fairy.

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Three fans were talking about the sad state of their local club;
The first fаn blamed…:
“I blame the manager; if we could sign better players, we’d be a great club.”
The second fаn blamed…:
“I blame the players; if they made more effort, I’m sure we would score more goals.”
The third fаn blamed…:
“I blame my parents; if I had been born in a different town, I’d be supporting a decent team.”

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His team was 20 points behind and the coach was desperate, so he looked down the bench to his 330 pound tackle that was not his brightest player. The coach called him over and asked him, "If I put you in, can you play ruthless?"
"I sure can coach! Which one is ruthless?"

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Every day I spend a few hours on a running track. Next week I might even turn it on.

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Every day two million Americans play tennis and one million of them lose.

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I had lunch with a chess champion the other day.
It took him 20 minutes to pass the salt.

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What was the sick boys favorite sport?
Hurling.

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With his ball and bat in hand Little Pete walked to home plate in an empty baseball field.
As he threw the ball up in the air, he announced, “I am the best ball player ever!” He swung with all his power, but missed. He did the same thing and missed again. He picked up the ball, tossed it up one more time, said “I am the best ball player in the world!” Then he swung and missed again. “Wow! He said. “What a pitcher!”

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A bachelor asked the computer to find him the perfect mate:
“I want a companion who is small and cute, loves water sports, and enjoys group activities.”
Back came the answer:
“Marry a реnguin.”

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What’s red and beeps? The Manchester United open-top bus reversing back in the garage.

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As a social experiment I had my wife wear a Manchester United shirt. So far she’s been kicked,punched,spat on and verbally abused.
I dread to think what will happen when she gets out of the house.

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The England team visited an orphanage today in Poland.
‘It was amazing to put a smile on the faces of a group of people who constantly struggle and have little hope’
Said Jan Zamoyski, aged 6

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A football coached was asked about his star lineman. The coach replied, "He doesn't know the meaning of the word fear. In fact, I have seen his grades and there are a lot of words he doesn't know the meaning of!"

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So after winning the game, I decided to throw the ball into the crowd, like they do on the T. V…apparently…. it’s unacceptable in bowling.

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What do you have if you hold 13 tennis ваlls in one hand and 15 tennis ваlls in the other hand?
REALLY big hands!

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Manchester United are fast becoming the Katie Price of English football.
They keep needlessly spending a fortune to boost what they’ve got up front and invariably get fcuked at the back.

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