Jokes about Women

Add a joke Newest jokes Most popular
0
A retired gentlemen went into the social security office to apply for Social Security. After waiting in line a long time, he got to the counter.
The woman behind the counter asked him for his drivers license to verify his age.
He looked in his pockets and realized he had left his wallet at home.
He told the woman that he was very sorry but he seemed to have left his wallet at home.
“Will I have to go home and come back now?” he asks.
The woman says, “Unbutton your shirt.”
So he opens his shirt revealing lost of curly silver hair.
She says, “That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me.”
and she processes his Social Security application.
When he gets home, the man excitedly tells his wife about his experience at the Social Security office.
She said, “You should have dropped your pants, you might have qualified for disability, too.”
0
0

A woman walks into a pet store wanting to buy a pet for her husband, but she finds all the pets are so so expensive.
The woman says to the clerk at the counter, "I'm looking to buy a pet for my husband but I'm on a very short budget!."
"No worries," replies the clerk.
"We've just ordered in a very large bullfrog that can give bl*wjobs."
"Bl*wjobs," says the woman, buying the frog, thinking it would be a great gag gift, so she goes home and gives the frog to her husband explaining the frogs talent.
With a laugh the husband walks off leaving the frog in the kitchen.
In the middle of the night the woman wakes up to the sound of pots and pans flying around in the kitchen.
She goes down to find her husband and the frog reading cookbooks.
"What are you two doing?" she asks.
"Well," says the husband.
"If I can teach this frog to cook you are outta here."
0
0
0
0
0
0
Приятелство мъже-жени Φιλίες Женското приятелство. Жената не се прибира през нощта. На сутринта съпругът я пита: Женская дружба: жена не приходит ночевать домой La moglie passa la notte fuori casa. La mattina dopo spiega al marito che ha dormito dalla sua migliore amica. Il marito telefona alle dieci migliori amiche della moglie Esposa passou a noite fora de casa. Na manhã seguinte Amitié féminine : Une femme n'est pas rentrée à la maison de toute la nuit. Le lendemain matin Der Mann war über Nacht nicht zu Hause. Am Morgen erzählt er seiner Frau Vriendschap tussen vrouwen: Een vrouw komt 's nachts niet thuis. De volgende dag zegt ze aan haar man dat ze bij een vriendin geslapen heeft. De man belt naar de 10 beste vriendinnen van zijn... Ett exempel på kvinnlig vänskap: En kvinna kommer inte hem en natt. Morgonen efter säger hon till sin man att hon sov hos en väninna. Mannen ringer de 10 bästa väninnorna: Ingen har sett henne... Przyjaźń między kobietami: Pewnego dnia kobieta nie wróciła na noc do domu. Następnego dnia powiedziała mężowi Miesten ystävyys: Mies on yön poissa kotoa ja tulee aamulla kotiin sanoen
0
Раят. Разговарят Адам и Създателят: Отишъл Адам при Господ. Adamo chiede a Dio: "Perché hai fatto la donna così bella?" Dio risponde: "Perché tu possa amarla" Adamo: "E perché l'hai fatta poco sveglia?" Dio: "Affinché lei possa amare te!" Adam zu Gott: Du Mann sprach zu Gott: "Gott Cierto día un hombre tenía una duda muy seria à l'époque à laquelle les humains étaient dans le jardin d'éden O homem Mies kysyy Jumalalta: Miksi loit Blondit niin kauniiksi? Että te miehet rakastuisitte heihin. Miksi sitten loit ne niin tyhmiksi? Että hekin rakastuisivat teihin.
0
Mr. Wilson comes home one night, and his wife throws her arms around his neck. "I have great news. I’m a month overdue. I think we’re going to have a baby! The doctor gave me a test today, but until we find out for sure, we can’t tell anybody.”
The next day, Mrs. Wilson receives a telephone call from AEC (Atlanta Electric Company) because the electricity bill has not been paid.
“Am I speaking to Mrs. Wilson?”
“Yes. Speaking.”
AEC guy, “You’re a month overdue, you know!”
“How do YOU know?” stammers the young woman.
“Well, ma’am, it’s in our files!” says the AEC guy.
“What are you saying? It’s in your files. HOW?”
“Yes. We have a system of finding out who’s overdue.”
“GOD! This is too much.”
“Madam, I am sorry. I am following orders. I have to inform you are overdue.”
“I know that. Let me talk to my husband about this tonight. He will speak to your company tomorrow.”
That night, she tells her husband about the call, and he, mad as a bull, rushes to AEC office the next day morning.
“What’s going on? You have it on file that my wife is a month overdue? What business is that of yours?” the husband shouts.
“Just calm down,” says the lady at the reception at AEC, “It’s nothing serious. All you have to do is pay us.”
“PAY you? And if I refuse?”
“Well, in that case, sir, we’d have no option but to cut yours off.”
“And what would my wife do then?” the husband asks.
“I don’t know. I guess she’d have to use a candle.
0

0
0
A woman arrives home from work and her husband notices she's wearing a diamond necklace. He asks his wife:
"Where did you get that necklace?"
She replies, "I won it in a raffle at work. Go get my bath ready while I start dinner."
The next day, the women arrives home from work wearing a diamond bracelet. Her husband asks, "Where did you get the bracelet?"
She replies, "I won it in a raffle at work. Go get my bath ready while I start dinner."
The next day, her husband notices she arrives home from work wearing a mink coat. He says, "I suppose you won that in a raffle at work?" She replies, "Yeah I did! How did you guess? Go get my bath ready while I start supper."
Later after supper, she goes to take her bath and she notices there is only one inch of water in the tub. She yells to her husband, "HEY! There's only an inch of water in the tub." He replies, "I didn't want you to get your raffle ticket wet."
0
Статуи Οι ανάγκες των αγαλμάτων... The two statues Περιστέρια Две статуи стоят в парка и се гледат влюбено... У входа в парк стояли две прекрасные статуи. Seit hunderten von Jahren stehen sich im Park zwei Statuen gegenüber: ein junger Römer und eine Göttin Преди 1000 години в едни кралство Είναι δύο αγάλματα σε μία πλατεία. Άνδρας και γυναίκα. Μια ηλιόλουστη μέρα ένας άγγελος κατεβαίνει απ΄τον ουρανό και πλησιάζει τα αγάλματα. Un dia pasa un gran hechicero y ve una estatua con un hombre y una mujer desnudos. Entonces piensa pobres tipos tanto tiempo así duros sin poder hacer nada Det var en gång en manlig och en kvinnlig stenstaty som stod i en park. Plötsligt kom det en god fe flygande och gav dom stackars orörliga statyerna en önskning var. Båda statyerna önskade att dom ska få bli mänskliga för en timme. Den goda fen... In einem abgelegenen Park stehen sich zwei nackte Statuen gegenüber Afrodite Twee standbeelden Yıllarca I mange år hadde to flotte statuer To gamle statuer Két szobor áll a parkban. Egyszer csak leszáll hozzájuk a jó tündér és azt mondja nekik: - Itt áltok már 100 éve V parku naproti sobě už léta stojí dvě sochy Sfantu Petru intr-o zi prin parc vede 2 statui si se intreaba... Ce ar fi sa le dau si lor 2 minute de viata sa vad ce fac? .. Sufla pe ele se trezesc la viata si statuile tusti in tufis! Incepe sa... Erau doua statui pe o alee intr-un parc I stadens park hade det stått två statyer En nøgen kvinde statue stod ved siden af en nøgen mande statue Statuer To statuer C'est l'histoire d'une petite fée qui atterrit dans un square où deux statues Dans un jardin public Un bien gentille fée virevolte tranquillement au dessus D'un parc quand tout à coup A statue of a naked woman and a naked man stand in a park at night. Suddenly from out of nowhere Two Statues ….. …… There are two statues in a park; one of a nude man and one of a nude woman. …. ….. They had been facing each other across a pathway for a hundred years Ήταν κάποτε σε ένα πάρκο δύο αγάλματα. Ένας άντρας και μία γυναίκα και κοιτάζονταν. Τα χρόνια περνούσαν και τα αγαλματα συνέχιζαν να κοιτάζονται. Οι αιώνες περνούσαν και τα αγάλματα κοιτάζονταν....
Two statues, male and female, faced each other in the city park for many years.
An angel appeared before the statues and said, "Since the two of you have been exemplary statues and have brought enjoyment to many people, I am giving you the gift of life. You have 30 minutes to do whatever you desire."
The statues came to life and smiled at each other. They ran toward some nearby woods and dove behind a couple of bushes. The angel smiled to himself as he listened to the two statues giggling, bushes rustling and twigs snapping.
After 15 minutes, the two statues emerged from the bushes, satisfied and smiling.
Puzzled, the angel looked at his watch and asked the statues, "You still have 15 minutes. Would you like to continue?"
The male statue looked at the female and asked, "Do you want to do it again?"
Giggling, the female statue said, "Sure, but this time, you hold the рigеоn down and I'll сrар on its head!"
0
0
0