Jokes about Women

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And God said to Adam - I will make you a woman.
What is a woman Lord?
God replies, “A woman will be the most intelligent, sensitive, caring and beautiful creature I have ever created. She will be so intelligent that she can figure out what you want before you want it. She will be so sensitive and caring that she will know your every mood and how to make you happy. Her beauty will rival that of the heavens and earth. She will cook and clean for you and do everything that you ask without complaining. She will provide every sеxuаl fantasy you will ever think of and meet all your sеxuаl needs. She will bear your children and raise them without complaints. This woman will be the perfect companion for you.”
“Wow! That sounds great,” exclaimed Adam. “Where is she?”
“Not so fast,” said the Lord, “A woman this fantastic is going to cost you.”
“How much,” asked Adam
“An arm and leg,” God replied.
Adam thought about this for a moment, and then replied, “What can I get for a rib?”
And the rest is history!
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Een vrouw vergezelt haar man naar de dokter. Na een nauwkeurig onderzoek van de man neemt de dokter de vrouw even apart om haar de resultaten mee te delen: Uw man heeft een ernstige depressie te... Adam karısı ile birlikte doktora muayene olmaya gider. Muayene biter ve doktor odasından çıkarak kadının yanına gelir ve Kocanızın ölmemesini istiyorsanız şu kağıda yazdıklarımı uygulayacaksınız... Un mari et sa femme, dans la cinquantaine, se rendent chez le médecin car le mari est très très malade. Le médecin prend l’épouse à part et lui dit : - Votre mari va mourir dans 3 mois. Mais vous... A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor
A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor’s office.
After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone.
He said, “Your husband is suffering from a very severe stress disorder.
If you don’t do the following, your husband will surely die.”
“Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant at all times.
For lunch make him a nutritious meal.
For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him. Don’t burden him with chores.
Don’t discuss your problems with him, it will only make his stress worse. No nagging. And most importantly, make love with your husband several times a week.
If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely.”
On the way home, the husband asked his wife. “What did the doctor say?”
“He said you’re going to die.
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A man was pulled over for speeding down the highway; the officer came to the driver’s window and asked,
"Sir, may I see your driver’s license and registration?" The man said,
"Well officer I don't have a license, it was taken away for a DUI." The officer, in surprise, said," What, do you have a registration for the vehicle?" So the man replied, "No sir, the car is not mine I stole it, but I am pretty sure I saw a registration card in the glove box when I put the gun in it." The officer stepped back, "There is a gun in the glove box?!?" The man sighed and said,
"Yes sir, I used it to кill the woman who owns the car before I stuffed her in the trunk." The officer steps toward the back of the car and says," Sir do not move, I am calling for backup." The officer calls for backup and about ten minutes another highway patrolman arrives. He walks up to the window slowly and asks the man for his driver’s license and registration. The man said," Yes officer here it's right here." It all checked out so the officer said," Is there a gun in the glove box sir?" The man laughs and says," No officer why would there be a gun in the glove box." He opened the glove box and showed him that there was no gun. The second officer asked him to open the trunk because he had reason to believe that there was a body in it. The man agrees and opens the trunk, no dead body. The second officer says,
"Sir I do not understand, the officer that pulled you over said that you did not have a license, the car was stolen, there was a gun in the glove box, and a dead body in the trunk." The man looks the officer in the eyes and says,
"Yeah and I'll bet he said I was speeding too."
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It's the only type of cooking a "real" man will do. When a man volunteers to do such cooking, the following sequence of events takes place:
1. The woman goes to the market to buy the food.
2. The woman fixes the salad, vegetables, and dessert.
3. The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils, and takes it to the man, who is lounging beside the grill, drinking a вееr.
4. The man places the meat on the grill.
5. The woman goes inside to set the table and check the vegetables.
6. The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is burning.
7. The man takes the meat off the grill and hands it to the woman.
8. The woman prepares the plates and brings them to the table.
9. After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.
10. The man asks the woman how she enjoyed "her night off".
And, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some women.
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