A woman was walking on the beach right after a horrible divorce, feeling really depressed, and she kicks this bottle.
Out comes a genie, and he says,
"I see you are a divorcee, and I hate divorcees! I have been paying me ex alimony for the past 10,000,000 years! However, you did free me, and I will give you a wish, one wish, and your ex will get five times as much."
She starts thinking what she can ask for that will be good for her and bad for her ex, first she wants to ask for a million dollars, but then understands that her ex will get five million. Then she was going to be extremely beautiful, but realizes that her ex will look even better.
After a long time of thinking she says,
"I know what I want. I decided that I want to marry a great man, and give birth to his child."
Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant. While having a bite to eat, they talk about their moonshine operation. Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough.
After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress. One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, Kin ya swallar?’ The woman shakes her head no. Then he asks, ‘Kin ya breathe?’ The woman begins to turn blue, and shakes her head no.
The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down her drawers, and quickly gives her right вuтт cheek a liск with his tongue.
The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm, and the obstruction flies out of her mouth. As she begins to breathe again, the Hillbilly walks slowly back to his table.
His partner says, ‘Ya know, I’d heerd of that there ‘Hind Liск Maneuver’ but I never seed nobody done it.
After 25 years of marriage, a husband took a long look at his wife one day and said:
"Twenty-five years ago, we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, and I slept on a sofa bed, but I got to sleep every night with a sеxy twenty-six year old blonde. Now, we have a nice house, a nice car and a big bed, but I'm sleeping with a fifty-one year old woman. It seems that you're not pulling your weight."
She replied calmly:
"Then why don't you go out and find a sеxy twenty-six year old blonde? And when you do, I'll make sure once again that you'll be living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car, and sleeping on a sofa bed."