A young man was walking through a supermarket to pick up a few things when he noticed an old lady following him around. Thinking nothing of it, he ignored her and continued on. Finally he went to the checkout line, but she got in front of him. "Pardon me," she said,
"I'm sorry if my staring at you has made you feel uncomfortable. It's just that you look just like my son, who just died recently."
"I'm very sorry," replied the young man, "is there anything I can do for you?"
"Yes," she said,
"As I'm leaving, can you say 'Good bye, Mother'? It would make me feel so much better."
"Sure," answered the young man.
As the old woman was leaving, he called out, "Goodbye, Mother!" As he stepped up to the checkout counter, he saw that his total was $127.50. "How can that be?" He asked,
"I only purchased a few things!"
"Your mother said that you would pay for her," said the clerk.
A woman three months pregnant falls into a deep coma. Six months later, she awakes and asks the nearest doctor about the fate of her baby.
“You had twins, a boy and a girl, and they are both fine,” says the doctor. “Luckily, your brother named them for you.”
“Oh shiт, not my brother! He’s from Liverpool! What did he call the girl?”
“Denise,” the doctor replies.
Thinking that isn’t so bad, she asks, “and what did he call the boy?”
The doctor answers, “Denephew.”
A lady goes into the hospital to have a very serious operation. While on the operating table. Undergoing preparation, she flat lines and soon finds herself standing before St. Peter. She begins to wonder what she is doing there. "Are you sure that I'm suppose to be here, St. Peter?" St. Peter says:
“Let me look at the Book of Life." He looks carefully and says:
“Why, no, my good woman, you're not due here for 30 or 40 years!" Suddenly, the lady wakes up in the O. R. and the doctor says: Wow! We thought we had lost you! We've consulted here and we decided you don't need this operation at this time." The lady hesitates and says:
“Doctor, since I'm here and all prepped could you perhaps see what you can do about this flabbiness under my arms? And maybe give me a little tummy tuck and..... Oh! Oh, how about these fасiаl laugh lines?" A week later, she is walking across the hospital parking lot when she is hit and killed by a truck. She goes again before S. Peter and she asks:
“I thought you said I'm not due here for 30 or 40 years?" St. Peter says:
" I didn't recognize you, my dear!"