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Вицове за Жени English Frauen-Witze, Frauenwitze, Fra... Chistes de Mujeres анекдоты про женщин Blague sur les Femmes Barzellette Donne Ανέκδοτα για γυναίκες Жени Kadın Fıkraları Анекдоти про Жінок Piadas de Mulher, Piadas de Mu... Dowcipy i kawały: Kobiety Skämt om kvinnor Vrouwen moppen Jokes om kvinder, Kvindehørm v... Vitser for damer, Vitser om kv... Naisvitsit, Naiset ratissa Viccek nőkről Bancuri Femei Anekdoty a vtipy o ženách a ma... Juokai apie Moteris Joki par sievietēm Vicevi o ženama
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Jokes about Women

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Me: You r a woman
My friend: No I'm not
Me:Tell that to your diск. Oh wait you don't have one!
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The Banker saw his old friend Tom, an eighty year old rancher, in town. Tom had lost his wife a year or so before and rumour had it that he was marrying a ‘Mail Order Bride.’Being a good friend, the banker asked Tom if the rumour was true. Tom assured him that it was.
The banker then asked Tom ‘How Old’ the new bride to be was. Tom proudly said, “She’ll be twenty one in November.”
Now the banker, being the wise man that he was, could see that the sеxuаl appetite of a young woman could not be satisfied by an eighty year old man.
Wanting his old friends remaining years to be happy, the banker tactfully suggested that Tom should consider getting a hired hand to help him out on the ranch, knowing nature would take it’s course.
Tom thought this was a good idea and said he would look for one that afternoon.
About four months later, the banker fаn into Tom in town again. “How’s the new wife??” asked the banker. Tom proudly said, “Oh, she’s pregnant.”
The banker, happy that his sage advice had worked out, continued, “And how’s the hired hand.”
Without hesitating, Tom said, “She’s pregnant too.”
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Women wake up yawning and men with an еrестiоn.
Coincidence?
I think not.
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Thinking about opening a sтriр club with just Jewish women.
I am calling it The Gаsh Chamber.
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Two women were talking on the phone. "Gilda, I just saw an ad on TV advertising a new weight loss program. It's called 'Your Chance to be Slim'."
"I heard about 'Your Chance to be Slim', Olga, and I know some people who tried it," replied Gilda.
"And how did go for them?"
"Not good."
"So what do you think the prognosis is of ME losing weight on this diet?"
"Slim chance."
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After having failed his exam, a student goes and confronts his lecturer about it.
Student:
“Sir, do you really understand anything about the subject?”
Professor:
“Surely I must. Otherwise I would not be a professor!”
Student:
“Great, well then I would like to ask you a question. If you can give me the correct answer, I will accept my mark as is and go. If you however do not know the answer, I want you to give me an “A” for the Exam.”
Professor:
“Okay, it’s a deal. So what is the question?”
Student:
“What is legal but not logical, logical but not legal, and neither logical nor legal?”
Even after some long and hard consideration, the professor cannot give the student an answer, and therefore changes his exam mark into an “A”, as agreed.
Afterwards, the professor calls on his best student and asks him the same question.
He immediately answers:
“Sir, you are 63 years old and married to a 35 year old woman, which is legal, but not logical. Your wife has a 17 Year old lover, which is logical but not legal. The fact that you have given your wife’s lover an “A”, although he really should have failed, is neither legal nor logical.”
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A man and his wife are talking:
Man - "What would happen if I were to win the lottery?"
Woman - "I would take half and leave you in a heartbeat!"
Man - "I won twelve dollars, here's six now get out!"
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Women are like rocks. They're only cool after they get wet.
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3 reasons why women undress themselves in front of men.
1. She really wants your D.
2. You’re in row Z of the friend zone.
3. She hasn’t seen you hiding in the tree.
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Man - “So do you want to go out maybe?”
Woman - “Sorry, I don’t date outside my species.”
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I love to share things with people who don’t have what I’ve got. I think that’s why I love sеx with women so much.
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A 13 year old was watching a movie on cable TV. A man ripped off a woman’s blouse and said, “I want what I want when I want it!”
The boy, turned on by the scene and the lоvемакing which followed, finished watching the movie, and decided to try what he had just witnessed on the 13 year old girl next door, a classmate.
He went over to her house, found that her parents weren’t home from work yet and ripped off her blouse. Then said, “I want what I want when I want it !”
The girl stared at him and coolly replied…. “You’ll get what I got when I get it!”
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A man never knows when it’s a good time to fаrт in front of a woman.
Recently, I’ve scratched “being followed up a ladder” off the list.
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This is yet to be confirmed by scientists, but there are rumours that women have a certain ‘spot’, and if you hit this spot at exactly the right strength, it will make a woman willing to do anything for you. It’s called the face.
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I saw a commercial the other day for a girdle. And you know what that is, right? That's deception, ladies. These are the same women that get mad when guys lie to them. 'I thought you were single.'
'I thought you were slim.'
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I went into a fancy dress shop and asked the woman working there if they had any ghost costumes.
She said “We don’t sell those, I’m afraid.”
Stupid соw. They’re not that scary.
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Marrying a divorced man is ecologically responsible. In a world where there are more women than men, it pays to recycle.
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There was a young woman who was very much interested in marrying this wealthy
Old gentleman.
After he proposed, she suggested, “we might even have some children!”
The old gentleman replied, “Oh, no, my parents won’t let me.”
“What do you mean?” asked the young woman
“Who are your parents?” He replied, “Mother Nature and Father time.”
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