Jokes about Women

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1.) Fine : This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
2.) Five Minutes : If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
3.) Nothing : This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.
4.)Go Ahead : This is a dare, not permission. Don’t Do It!
5.)Loud Sigh : This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiот and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)
6.) That’s Okay : This is one of the most dangerous statements a wom an can make to a man. That’s okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
7.)Thanks : A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say you’re welcome.
8.)Don’t worry about it, I got it : Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking ‘What’s wrong?’ For the woman’s response refer to #3. Then you RUN!
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Once upon a time, a perfect man and a perfect woman met. After a perfect courtship, they had a perfect wedding. Their life together was, of course, perfect.
One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve, this perfect couple was driving their perfect car (a Grand Caravan) along a winding road, when they noticed someone at the side of the road in distress. Being the perfect couple, they stopped to help.
There stood Santa Claus with a huge bundle of toys. Not wanting to disappoint any children on the eve of Christmas, the perfect couple loaded Santa and his toys into their vehicle. Soon they were driving along delivering toys. Unfortunately, the driving conditions deteriorated and the perfect couple and Santa Claus had an accident. Only one of them survived the accident. The mind numbing question is: Who was the survivor?
Scroll down for the answer…
The perfect woman survived. She’s the only one who really existed
In the first place. Everyone knows there is no Santa Claus and there is no such thing as a perfect man. Women stop reading here. That is the end of the joke.
Men keep’a scrollin’…
So, if there is no perfect man and no Santa Claus, the perfect
Woman must have been driving. And that explains why there was a
Car accident.
By the way, if you’re a woman and you’re reading this, this illustrates another point: Women never frickin listen, either.
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A man is speeding down the freeway when he's stopped by a police car and has to pull over. "Do you realize you were doing 80 m. P. H. in a 60 m. P. H. zone, sir?" asks the policeman.
"That's impossible, sir, I never break the speed limit," replies the driver. The driver's wife butts in and says,
"Yes, you do, I'm always telling you to keep your speed down."
The policeman says,
"I also noticed, sir, that you didn't have your seatbelt on. You put it on as I was walking over to your car."
"That is not true, sir; I always wear my seatbelt," replies the driver.
"No, you don't, I'm always telling you to put your seatbelt on," says the driver's wife.
"Sтuрid woman," the driver explodes, "can't you, just for once, keep that big, fат trap of yours shut?"
The policeman is a bit shocked by how the driver is speaking to his wife, so he moves around to her side of the car. "Does he often speak to you like this, madam?"
"Oh, no, officer," she says,
"Only when he's drunк."
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