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Das Kaninchen Малко момиченце в зоомагазин: Kommt ein kleines Mädchen in ein Zoogeschäft und sagt: "Ich hätte gern ein Kaninchen". Der Verkäufer sagt: "Möchtest du denn das kleine braune mit den niedlichen Knopfaugen oder das kuschelige... Een klein meisje gaat naar een dierenwinkel en vraagt aan de verkoper: "Heeft u soms een konijntje a.u.b.?" De verkoper zet zich op zijn knieën en vraagt: "Moet dat een lief klein bruin konijntje... Ein kleines Mädchen kommt in die Tierhandlung und sagt zum Verkäufer: „Ich möchte bitte ein Häschen haben!“ Darauf der Verkäufer: „Gern! Willst du das süße knuddelige weiße mit den Knopfaugen oder... Una ragazzina entra in un negozio di animali domestici. La commessa: “Ciao
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В един пустинен гарнизон дошъл нов главнокомандващ. Πάει ένας νέος διοικητής στο στρατόπεδο της λεγεώνας των ξένων βαθιά μέσα στην έρημο. Καθώς τον ξεναγούσαν παρατήρησε μια πολύ γριά καμήλα δεμένη σε ένα δέντρο και ρώτησε: Американская база в пустыне. К полковнику входит офицер с вопросом: Ein Beobachter Eine Kompanie der Fremdenlegion in einem entlegenen Sahara-Fort bekommt einen neuen Kommandanten. Er inspiziert das gesamte Fort und lässt sich alles zeigen. Auf seine Frage
A very respected Captain in the Foreign Legion was transferred to a remote desert outpost.
On his orientation tour he noticed a very old seedy looking camel tied out behind the enlisted men’s barracks.
He asked the Sergeant leading the tour, “Why is a camel tied to the barracks?”
The Sergeant replied, “Well sir, it’s a long way from anywhere, and the men have natural sеxuаl urges, so when they do … uh … we have the camel ready for them.”
The Captain said, “Well, I suppose if it’s good for morale, then I guess it’s all right with me”.
After he had been stationed at the fort for six long, lonely months, the Captain simply couldn’t control his sеxuаl angst any longer.
He barked to his Sergeant: “BRING THE CAMEL INTO MY TENT!”
The Sergeant shrugged his shoulders, looked at the other men, and lead the camel into the Captain’s quarters.
Within a few minutes, the Captain emerged from his tent, fastening his trousers, almost beaming with pride.
“So, Sergeant, is that how the enlisted men do it?” he asked.
The Sergeant replied, “Well, sir, usually they just use it to ride into town.”
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Октопод кандидатства за работа в цирка: Октоподът кандидатствува за работа в цирка. Можел да свири на всякакви инструменти с неговите много ръце. Директорът го изпитва - свири на пиано A Guy goes into a bar with his pet octopus and says A man walks into a bar and he has a pet octopus. He sits down at the bar and says to the bartender "give us two beers over here!" The bartender walks over and see's the octopus and he says Blæksprutten En mand kommer ind i en bar med en blæksprutte. Han fortæller kunderne i baren
An octopus walks into a bar and sees a band playing in the corner, composed of those bar-room heroes, the Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman.
He walks up and says “I’m the best musician in the world. I can play any instrument you like”.
So the English guy goes “Alright then. Play this” and hands him a guitar.
The octopus plays it better than Jimi Hendrix, better than Chuck Berry, better than anyone and hands him back the guitar.
The Irishman says “Okay, how about this?” and shows him to the piano.
The octopus sits down and plays it like never before – Better than Jerry Lee Lewis and Elton John.
The best pianist ever.
Finally, a Scotsman says “Alright, let’s see ya play this then” and hands him a set of bagpipes.
The octopus looks at them and fumbles with them.
Couple more minutes and he’s still struggling and there’s no sound coming out.
Couple more minutes and still nothing so the Scotsman says “Oh, so can you not play it then?”
And the octopus says “Play it? I’m gonna fuск her when I get her pyjamas off”
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С крокодилите е лесно. Те ще се опитат да те убият и изядат. С хората е по-трудно. Понякога те първо ти се правят на приятели ..
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A man goes inside a pet shop and starts to move around the cages to scout the pets.
He sees a monkey with a price of 5000$ and goes to the merchant to ask for details.
Hey mister, the monkey…what does it know to worth that much money?
Well, it knows Windows 95, 98, 2000, and also knows Word, C++, Visual Basic and last but not least, it knows how to play computer games.
- Good monkey, it's worth the money.
He goes and finds another monkey with a price of 10000$ and again he will ask the merchant.
"What does this monkey know?"
"It knows Linux, Unix, Corel and Autocad."
"Nice, even I don't know those things."
On a last scout run he finds another monkey just sitting there with a price 20000$.
The story repeats, and he goes with a lack of confidence to ask the merchant for details.
"And what does this monkey do for that ridiculous amount of money?"
"I never saw her doing anything, but the other two call her Project Manager!"
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Walks Into a Bar... Horsing Around Το άλογο στο μπαρ Върви Бай Ганьо през дъжда и по едно време вижда странноприемница Ca se passe dans l'ouest américain au siècle dernier. Возели са в един самолет българина Um dia Un homme très riche et très gai Kralın bir atı varmış. Bu at çok üzgünmüş ve hep ağlarmış. Atının derdine çare arayan kral Er komt een man een cafe binnen en ziet een pot met 5 cent muntstukken staan. Hij vraagt aan de barman: "Waarom staat die pot met vijfjes hier?" De barman antwoordt: "Als jij het paard aan het... Komt een man een bar binnen C est l'histoire d'un cheval qui ne fait que de pleurer et son propriétaire en ayant marre de l'entendre pleuré passe une petite annonce: "N'importe quel personne arrivant à faire rire mon cheval Mies meni eläintarhaan ja huomasi Een man komt een cafe binnen en ziet er een potgeld staan met een hengst er naast. hij vraagt aan de barman: ”is er een verband met die potgeld en die hengst?” ”Ja” zegt de barman ”als je die... Ein Mann ist mit seinem Pferd unterwegs. Das Pferd ist die ganze Zeit nur am weinen. Kurz darauf geht der Mann in eine Bar und bestellt sich was zu trinken. Der Wirt fragt den Mann wieso sein Pferd... Un concours propose de faire gagner 10000 euros à celui qui fera rire puis pleurer un cheval. Un candidat s'avance puis quelques minutes plus tard ressort avec les 10000 euros. On lui demande alors... Kral her gün aglayan atını güldürene ödül verecegini ilan ettirmis. Herkes sırasıyla güldürmeye çalısmıs basaramamıs sıra namık kemale gelmis atın kulagına birseyler fısıldamıs at gulmus bundan... Chuck Norris walks into a bar Det var en gång en man som gick in på en bar. När mannen skulle beställa en öl sa bartendern: - Vi har en totalt känslolös häst där borta bakom skynket. Ingen har någonsin fått den att visa känslor... Azt mondja a lovász a főnökének Komt een man bij een bar en vraagt aan de barkeeper: "Waarom staat er een paard voor de kroeg?" "Nou" zegt de man Un imparat avea un cal care plangea mereu... Si spuse ca va da fata si jumatate din imparatie celui care il va face sa rada. Nimeni nu a reusit pana a venit bula!Si calul a ras in hohote 5 luni.... Bir zamanlar padişahın atı ağlamaya başlamış. Durup dururken ağlıyormuş ama hiçde durmuyormuş. Ne veterinerler baytarlar çağırmişlar ama nafile at ağlıyormuş. Nam-ı kemail çağırmışlar. Nam-ı kemal... Den store En mand kommer ind på en kro i couboy tiden. da han ber bartenderen om en øl Een cowboy loopt een bar binnen. Hij biedt 100 gulden aan die persoon die zijn paard aan het lachen kan brengen. Een vent staat op en fluistert iets in het oor van het paard en het paard begint te... Ein Cowboy kommt in den Saloon. Drinnen sitzt ein Pferd. Barkeeper: "Wer das Pferd zum Lachen bringt
A guy walks into a bar and sits on a stool. In front of him he see's a big jar full of change and a little card that reads:
"Hello, if you would like to win all of this money you have to make the horse at the end of the bar laugh.
COST $5"
So, he puts in five dollars and takes the horse into the bathroom.
Two minutes later they come out and the horse is laughing so hard that he рissеd on the floor.
So the guy takes the money and leaves.
The next day the same guy walks in the bar again and see's the horse and the jar, this time it says:
"You can win all of this if you make the horse cry. COST $10"
So he puts in 10 dollars and takes the horse into the bathroom.
Four minutes later they come out and the horse is crying like no body ever had.
So the guy takes the jar but before he could leave the bartender asks "How did you do that?"
The guy says "The first time I told him my diск was вiggеr than his and the second time I showed him!"
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An old sailor was out walking on the dock one day when he met a former ship mate of his.
They had not seen each other for many years so they had much to talk about and many old memories to renew.
After some time, one said to the other, "If you don’t mind my saying so, you don’t look very good, you must have experienced some bad luck."
"Yes," the other one said, "I have. You see this peg leg? Well, one day I was out on deck and my leg become dangled up in a loose line and it was so badly mangled that they had to take it off at the knee."
His friend agreed that was bad luck.
The other one continued. "You see I have a hook for a hand. One day I was out on deck when a shipmate of mine fell overboard. I leaned over as far as I could in a attempt to rescue him and as I extended my hand to him a shark took my hand off."
"My, you really did experience bad luck, the other responded, I see you have a patch over one eye, What happened to your eye?"
"Well, I was out on deck again one day and just as I looked up, a seagull that was flying over , unloaded, and got me right in the eye."
"My, My,(not real sailor talk) did that take your eye out?"
"No, that was the first day I had my hook."
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Chiste del hombre y el feretro lange Schlange Погребална процесия. Млада жена излиза от магазина и изжеднъж вижда странна погребална процесия Ένας άνδρας έβγαινε από μια καφετέρια με τον πρωινό καφέ του Tom was walking down the street when he sees a funeral procession. Un uomo curioso vede un funerale e si ferma ad osservare la funzione. Nota subito che a capo di una lunga fila di uomini c'è un signore con un cane e gli si avvicina domandandogli: "Scusi Saindo do supermercado um homem se depara com uma inusitada procissão de funeral. Achou aquilo muito estranho e parou para olhar. Primeiro vinha um caixão preto. Depois En una ocasión había muchas personas reunidas en una casa y pasó por allí un conocido de la familia y preguntó: - ¿Qué pasó compadre? ¿Murió alguien? - Sí Une femme regarde un cortège funèbre inhabituel arrivant au cimetière tout proche: un corbillard Destrás de una carrosa funebre iba una fila de 4 cuadras. Un borracho admirado se acerca y pregunta: ¿Quién murió? y un hombre le responde. -Mi suegra!! Fıkra bu ya Bij een begrafenis loopt achter de lijkwagen een man met een hond. Daarachter lopen nog 500 mannen. Vraagt een toeschouwer aan man met de hond: "Wie wordt hier begraven?" "Mijn schoonmoeder"... W kondukcie pogrzebowym idzie za karawaną Fąfara z wielkim rotweilerem na smyczy Mies näki kadulla merkillisen hautajaissaattueen. Siihen kuului ruumisarkku U hřbitovní brány hledí muž na podivný průvod. Za rakví kráčí muž s manželkou a psem dobrmanem 0  Loading ... Kapinėse eina laidotuvių procesija. Paskui grabą eina ožys Trece pe strada un cortegiu funerar foarte ciudat: dupa dric urma un tip Um sujeito Bengan turistade i New Orleans. En dag fick han se ett begravningsfölje. Först gick en orkester Bir adam yolda yürürken çok uzun bir sıra görmüş. Iyice yürüyünce sıranın başında bir cenaze ve elinde köpek olan bir adam görmüş ve sormuş:rahmetli çok seviliyordu galiba!adam anlatmaya... Em um cemiterio ocorria um velório. E lá estava um cara com um cachorro pitbul com uma fila enorme atrás Otegao se grdan desetokilometarski sprovod ulicom. Za mrtvačkom kočijom ide lik i vodi mačku na uzici. Narod stoji sa strane Une femme observe un cortège funéraire bizarre : un grand corbillard noir Un barbat lua micul dejun la ora 8 dimineata Į kapines eina nežmoniško ilgio procesija
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Мъж в зоомагазин: A guy sees an advertisement in a pet-shop window: "Talking Centipede $100."
A man walks into a pet shop and says to the owner.
"Ok I want to buy a pet, but I don't want a boring normal pet, no cats, or dogs or budgies I want something different."
The pet shop owner informs him that he has a talking centipede.
"Really?" says the man "How much?"
The owner informs him that the talking centipede is 50.
Happy with the unusual offering the man pays the money and takes his new pet home.
On getting home he lays the match box with the centipede in it on the table, opens it and says, "Hello mr centipede, fancy going to the pub for a few drinks?"
The centipede says nothing.
Figuring it must be tired from the journey he decides to leave it for an hour and try again later.
An hour later he opens the match box and says "Hello mr centipede, fancy going to the pub for a few drinks?"
The centipede again says nothing.
Starting to get suspicious the man decides he will give it one more hour, and if the centipede doesn't talk he will take it back to the shop for a refund.
An hour later the man opens the match box and says "Hello mr centipede, fancy going to the pub for a few drinks?"
The centipede says "I heard you the first time you моrоn! I'm putting my shoes on!"
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Инженер 5 τύποι 3 Katzen treffen sich zum gemeinsamen Fressen. Die erste Katze ist die eines Architekten Un ingénieur Czterech mężczyzn - inżynier Un ingeniero
Four men were bragging about how smart their cats are.
The first man was an Engineer, the second man was an Accountant, the third man was a Chemist, the fourth was a Government Employee.
To show off, the Engineer called to his cat, “Tsquare, do your stuff.”
T-square pranced over to a desk, took out some paper and a pen and promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle.
Everyone agreed that was pretty smart.
But the Accountant said his cat could do better.
He called his cat and said, Spreadsheet, do your stuff.”
Spreadsheet went out into the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. He divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies each.
Everyone agreed that was good.
But the Chemist said his cat could do better.
He called his cat and said, “Measure, do your stuff.”
Measure got up, walked over to the fridge, took out a quart of milk, got a 10 ounce glass from the cupboard and poured exactly 8 ounces without spilling a drop.
Everyone agreed that was good.
Then the three men turned to the Government Employee and said, “What can your cat do?”
The Government Worker called to his cat and said, “Coffee Break, do your stuff.”
Coffee Break jumped to his feet, ate the cookies, drank the milk, crapped on the paper, sсrеwеd the other three cats, claimed he injured his back while doing so, filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions, put in for Workers Compensation and went home for the rest of the day on sick leave.
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Теорија на Еволуцијата Chuck Norris und die Evolutionstheorie Няма никаква теория за еволюцията - просто списък на съществата La théorie de l'évolution n'existe pas. Chuck Norris permet seulement à quelques animaux de vivre. Es gab keine Evolution. Das ist nur eine Liste von Lebewesen Il n'y a pas de théorie de l'évolution. Juste une liste d'espèces que Chuck Norris autorise à survivre. Der er ingen evolutions udvikling – Kun dyr Chuck Norris tillader at leve. Evoluutioteoriaa ei ole olemassa. On vain lista eläimistä Nie ma teorii ewolucji Ei ole olemassa evoluutioteoriaa. Chuck Norris päättää kuka saa elää ja kuka ei.
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Жирафи Преди мнооого години един кон ядосал Чък Норис и отнесъл един десен ъперкът. Un jour Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its decendants are known today as Giraffes. Chuck Norris löi kerran hevosta leukaan. Tämän jälkeläiset tunnetaan kirahveina. Kiedyś Chuck kopnął niechcący konia w szyję... tak powstały żyrafy. Chuck Norris a lovit odata un cal in barba - descendentii acelui cal se numesc acum girafe. Μια φορά ο Τσακ Νόρις κλώτσησε ένα άλογο στο πηγούνι. Οι απόγονοι του είναι γνωστοί ως καμηλοπαρδάλεις.
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