An airplane was once making a routine flight from Hackensack, New Jersey to New York City. The people on board where the world's smartest politician, the pilot (also a father), a Boy Scout, and a devout Christian. In mid-flight, the engine stalled, and there where only three parachutes. The pilot said,
" I've got a family down there. I need to live so I can take care of them" so he grabbed a parachute and jumped out. The world's smartest politician said, I've got an election coming up, so I'd better live so I can win it." So he grabbed a parachute and jumped out. That left the Boy Scout and the Christian in the plane and only 1 parachute. The Christian said,
"I have lived a long life. I am prepared for. Go and grab that parachute for yourself." The Boy Scout got his parachute and was about to jump when he said,
"Hey, there is one for you too. The world’s smartest politician grabbed my backpack
Little Johnny’s teacher was asking all the kids in the class what their parents did for a living.
Little Mary got up and said, “my Dad is a pilot, and my Mommy is an architect.”
“Great” said the teacher.
Michael got up and said, “my Dad is a Doctor, and my Mom is a housewife.” Good said the teacher.
Johnny was last in the class and when he got up he said:
“My Mommy, she is a substitute.”
Knowing better about his background and always striving to correct the kids, the teacher said, “you mean she is a Рrоsтiтuте?”
“No”. Said Johnny, “my Sister, she is the Рrоsтiтuте, but when she does not feel well, my Mommy substitutes.”
The greatest Doctor, smartest man, young geek, and inspiring preacher are on a plane. The pilot dies of a heart attack, and is confirmed by the doctor. But, there are only 3 parachutes on the plane. The doctor takes one and says,
“People need me for my excellent medicine!” and jumps out. The smart man grab one and shouts,
“People are in need of my great knowledge!” and jumps out. There is only one more parachute on the plane. The preacher says to the geek,
“You are to young. Take the final parachute and go.” The geek instead says,
“No, there are two parachutes left, the ‘smart’ one took my backpack.”
A newspaper reporter went to interview an old man who was the last person in the county to have lived through the Civil War. Thinking he had a story, the reporter started asking some questions. "Sir, you have lived through the civil war and two world wars. You have seen the invention of the automobile and the airplane. In all of your days, what would you say is the single most interesting thing you have seen in all of your days?"
The man replied, "The Thermos."
Puzzled, the reporter asked,
"Why?"
"Well," the old man responded, "when you put something hot in it, it keeps it hot. When you put something cold in it, it keeps it cold... HOW DOES IT KNOW?"